TO BEAST OR NOT TO BEAST.

Just another day.

2012-01-27T04:10:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday but it somehow just feels like every other day. I ain't complaining; I guess when I get older and older my birthdays just seem more and more mundane.
#now playing: 이럴 줄 알았어 by Beast
OMG these boys why they so awesome this song is seriously the best did you hear the really different style Junnie's rapping?
Huh and Yoseob's scoff in the chorus I wanna die.
Have to conquer this before BS just so I don't seem like an idiot when everyone's singing along.
Zzzzzz
And sheesh you guys are not clingy guys alright.
I almost left out Kwangie's whole part when I heard it the first time mehehehehe.
My ears were soooo itchy these two days that I survived without this song and it kept getting itself stuck in my head.
I think maknae is about to replace Seungie in being second vocal but I don't blame him he's doing so well!
Goodness.

I really like maknae's singing lately he's so good!
♥
AND OHMYGOODNESS I need to watch MBLAQ's Hello Baby ep 2 ASAP it's so hilarious where the members were all being...
well, themselves.
All dorky.
And I was squealing when Seungho was getting all excited about the hints and stamping his foot on the ground.
LEE JOON AND MIR YOU TWO.
Goodness I can't even say anything about these two they are hopeless.

Birthday was fine; they made an impromptu celebration with leftover pastries.
Got a few wishes and no birthday presents.
(exception of Yong Gwang's angpau goodness have I told you how awesome and nice he is; he'll be a brilliant dad I know that. His kid is so lucky mehehe)
Ate cake in Ipoh already and it was enough to have at least made a wish for my own birthday.
AND I'M FINALLY 17!
How cool is that.
Hahah my favourite number.
Here's wishing 2012 will be an awesome 17th year for me.

And my fingers. want. to update I wanna die mehehehehehehehehhehehe please allow me to please.

Too much.

2012-01-26T04:42:00.000-08:00

Have I ever mentioned how annoying my parents are?!
Because I'm mentioning it now.
GAH SHALL NOT ELABORATE BECAUSE TYPING ON PHONE IS ANNOYING.
Galaxy s2 oh yeah <3

Melancholy.

2012-01-17T04:45:00.000-08:00

I wanted to update today.
But it was a little too sad; this chapter.
Okay yes it was an excuse I was on youtube, mostly, watching MBLEAST videos. And shit I wanna watch Making the Artist all over again I don't think I even remember what happened in there ahahah ^^
And oh yeah SINAQ's subbing Hello Baby 5 so I get to watch it with subs and not have to replay parts over and over again just to listen to them speak and guess what they're saying.

I've been so overly-excited about MBLAQ lately.
(comeback/hello baby)
I kind of feel bad for my BEAST darlings even though they're always there and Yoseobbie was feeling emotional yesterday because of some motherfuckin' antis who can't get a life.
Okay yes there are plenty of groups that I do not appreciate and I doubt I'll ever appreciate in my life.
So what if you're of some other fandom?
What if you're not?
We don't really care if we have another B2UTY for not, really. But once you antis attack our own idols, we'll fight till the end.
If you don't support them, don't bash them.
You can tell everyone you hate them, whatever.
But can you please refrain from influencing the celebrity himself? This is really childish; Yoseobbie's just doing his job, alright?
He's an artiste, and if you don't like him, FUCK OFF.

Don't bother him with your lousy antics and making him all sad and tensy about it.
We worry too, even if you don't.
Even though my ultimate hate is for fandoms to start fighting with each other, I still dislike antis of no particular fandom to just bash for no particular reason.
Seriously, get a life.
Use your time to do something more productive.
B2UTIES are not Seobbie's shield, and he's not using us.
We want to protect him, because he's so precious to us; and we hold him to our hearts.
Bash us all, call us fools, tell us how much you dislike them.
But please, I beg you, don't tell the stars themselves to get lost.
To die.
To let them know that there are so many people hating them.

They don't deserve all that; not after they've been working so hard for all they've achieved.
And you don't deserve to give all these comments if you haven't worked half as much as they have to reach where they are now.
The B2UTIES can share you hatred; as much as many of us will oppose you and etc.
I believe everyone has their own preferences, their choices.
But no, I do not believe that people should rant out their hate for someone straight in their faces, because it hurts.
As much as telling about people behind their backs is ridiculous as well; please don't influence Seob. He just does whatever he needs too.
You're not even worthy to tweet all these hurtful things to him.
You are not.
You're nothing; as much as you would like to deny that.
Because someone who's useful enough, would understand that hurt like that is enough to kill, and not use their words to inflict pain like that.
GET A LIFE.
and SCREW OFF.

Warning: Yaoi ahead.

2012-01-14T02:34:00.000-08:00

So despite the fact that my otps are extremely random like Junseob, 2Jun, junhyungxseungho, Doowoon etc etc I realised I've only really written about Junseob in a spur of the moment.
And because there are seriously too few 2Jun fics to go around I shall type one here and if it's anywhere near satisfactory it's ending up on asianfanfics as well.
No smut, relax.
I'm too sleepy to write smut anyway.
And Mary's evidently influenced by me and likes 2Jun too, so now...
Hehehe. I haven't written anything past decent for Seungho too. in the sense that he's not the main character or something like that.
Here goes.

battlefield.
A 2Jun fanfiction as inspired from MBLAQ's title track from 100% Ver "It's War"

Doojoon gulped.
And again.
And again.
He hated his raging hormones everytime he looked at Junhyung.
Who was removing his shirt off, yelling something about the heat. Doojoon couldn't figure out those words at all, his eyes focused on the rapper's upper body and nothing else.
"Ya Doojoon-ah. Were you even listening to what I was saying?" the main vocal's adorable face hovered over the leader's eyes; his voice sounding ever so annoying to Doojoon today.
"Yeah I was" the leader replied apathetically, his eyes moving to the maknae as soon as he felt Junhyung's gaze boring into his face.

"So whaddya say to the BBQ? Huh?!" Yoseob asked enthusiastically again, his hands waving around hysterically as Doojoon went dizzy from his exaggerated movements.
"I'm cool, I guess. How 'bout Junhyung?" Doojoon asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, gesturing slightly to the rapper who was downing his third bottle of Coke for the day.
Junhyung shrugged.
"I have no idea. I was planning to meet Hara sometime lately. Don't know when she'll be free" Junhyung answered nonchalantly, his shoulders moving up and down.
Goo Hara again.
Doojoon bit his lower lip to swallow a snort he had meant for the young lady.
Sure, he liked her; she was pretty, kind, friendly and all.

But nobody gets into Doojoon's good shoes once they become too chummy with Junhyung.
Call it his overbearing dominance, or some sort of male chauvanist, whatever. He just didn't like it when Junhyung spoke too much with someone else.
Didn't like it when they would whisper secret things to each other.
Didn't like it when he would be texting her all the time.

And though he knew they didn't own a relationship like that, he didn't like it.
He couldn't be sure that Hara didn't have those feelings for Junhyung, could he?
Well, not like he was sure that Junhyung didn't like her too.
"Are you tagging along even if Junhyung's not going?" Yoseob asked, not relenting at all, his small hands tugging onto the leader's sleeve.
Doojoon sighed.
He didn't want to spend time mulling over Junhyung and Hara for a few hours if he went. More like, he didn't want to spend time not being able to ogle at Junhyung.
Looking at him laugh, those eyes turning into crescents, his hand moving to his mouth involuntarily.
Looking at him eat, stuffing food continuously into those already plump cheeks.
Having them breathing the same air together made Doojoon contented already.

Sure, Doojoon doubted himself at first; how could he fall for a man, moreover his group member.
It took long enough for Doojoon to finally sink into reality. To know that he was gay; and those weird fanfiction online, about him and Junhyung, sometimes spoke about his feelings so strongly, he wondered if the writers were psychic.
Taking another sip from his Pepsi, he smiled weakly at Yoseob.
"Sure, I'll say yes for now, but I can't be sure later. I won't go if I have a sudden schedule or something" he replied.
Or if Junhyung's not coming as well.
He looked at the rapper with the corner of his eye, a habit that he had grown so accustomed to for the past one year he had been infatuated with the man.
Texting. Again.

He knew how much the rapper enjoyed using his phone, to go on twitter, to play games and all.
But that smile on his face meant something more.
It was like an expression especially reserved for Goo Hara; and that angered Doojoon. He didn't know if Junhyung had that expression when he received a text from himself.
But he hated the fact that Goo Hara owned a special part of him, a slight portion of that irresistable smile the rapper had.
The ends of his lips would curl up to the tiniest degree, his eyes would sparkle with slight joy and amusement, and Doojoon would see him trying to muffle a small little chuckle; that would no doubt erupt from his chest, as it always did.
Then his breathing would hasten a little as he typed in a reply, and punching in the victorious 'send' button, before sitting leisurely like nothing happened.

But Doojoon knew. He wasn't blind, he could see, dammit.
Even if the other members didn't seem to take note of these details, Doojoon knew.
Before he could even muster up his courage to walk over and smash that goddamned phone on the floor, Junhyung got up and stretched himself before going back to the bedroom.
"Jun... Are you alright?" Doojoon asked, poking his head into the small gap of the ajar door, cringing a little as he found Junhyung half-naked, lying on the bed.
He gulped and mumbled something incoherent before Junhyung groaned and turned, patting the space beside him.
"What?" Doojoon asked, sincerely hoping he wasn't inviting him to join him; he probably couldn't resist temptation anymore.
"Come here and take a nap with me" the rapper murmured, and Doojoon cursed himself inwardly before giving in.

His body stiffened as he felt Junhyung's warmth radiating from his skin, the rapper's eyes closed calmly, his long lashes lying peacefully on his serious eyebags.
"Why're you so far away" Junhyung growled, pulling the leader's arm and making him come closer to himself.
Doojoon's skin tingled crazily as he now felt the hairs on his arm standing up, his bare skin touching the rapper's.
He always tried to avoid skinship ever since he realised he had fallen hopelessly for Junhyung; and now the rapper was out to wreak his world upside down.
Doojoon watched.
Looked at how peaceful and innocent his sleeping face was, how his lips were so perfectly thick, stray strands of brown hair over his forehead, slightly sunken cheeks as he was getting skinnier, bony hands, slightly muscular arms, hints of six-pec abs, smooth and fair skin.
He had the urge to kiss him, and this urge was making him all frenzied.

His hands went up first, to stroke the rapper's cheeks gently, his fingers tracing loving patterns on his arms; while making sure that the rapper wasn't aware of this whole thing at all.
Everything about Junhyung made him so mad, he didn't want to err. He didn't want this to turn into a mistake.
His own lips hovering over the rapper's luscious lips reluctantly, Doojoon turned the other side and sat up straight.
A sudden push on his chest laid him back on the bed, and his eyes widened at the sight of a smirking Junhyung straddling him.
"Where do you think you're going?" the rapper asked in his husky voice, before lavishing the leader's lips fully, his impatient lips on his; a soft moan vibrating from the bottom of his throat.

A sudden intrusion of tongue into cavity, a clashing of two sets of teeth, a sloppy sound erupting from their saliva mixing together, some heated cursing of passion, a deep moan from Doojoon, a smirk on Junhyung's face.
And some decent panting that made them grow more and more restless.
Doojoon grew braver as his hands swam across Junhyung, getting himself to recognise every muscle, every line, every bit and piece of Junhyung; the man he loved so much.
Junhyung just groaned with every touch Doojoon brought him, and though they didn't bring it too far, it was enough to drive Junhyung mad crazy with heat.
The two finally tore apart, their gazes burning each other's eyes, as Junhyung lied obediently in Doojoon's arms, his lips tracing kisses on the leader's neck.
"I know you like me; but you've been so scarily suppressive I wasn't sure if what I did was right.
Looks like..."
A small kiss on his lips.
"I was" a wide grin plastered on Junhyung's face as the younger snuggled back into Doojoon's warm embrace, closing his eyes with contentment.

Doojoon didn't want to think about the future, if their love would last; if they would receive any criticisms.
All he wanted to do was to hold this man in his arms, and never let go, for as long as he could.
"Go to sleep, Jun" he spoke quietly, as the younger nodded his head and fell into a slumber in mere seconds, the soft snoring lulling Doojoon into a semi-conscious state.
A phone vibration - Junhyung's phone.
From: Haraaa
Junhyung, I'm not sure if I should tell you this, but...
I like you ><
Please don't ignore me because of that; I'll understand if you don't like me back, but...
Just don't ignore me.

Doojoon looked down at the silent rapper, who seemed so meek and quiet in his arms, and allowed a small grin to form on his lips.
With more determination than he had ever had, Doojoon licked his lips and pressed the 'delete message' button.
With his eyes closed, Doojoon mouthed.
"Goo Hara, it's war"

~

Okay haha I have nothing against Junhara really
(though my sourness is still there and I doubt it'll ever fade)
But it's funny to be writing about it like that. Hehe was it decent? I'm falling asleep.

Fickle-minded bitch.

2012-01-12T05:05:00.001-08:00

Yes I am talking about myself.
After being extremely keen about going to Anglo-Chinese and went all the way to Buona Vista to check it out; I ended up doing JAE just a while ago and...
Chose National Junior College as my first choice.
I am wonderfully worried about getting in because it's full of super achievers and I doubt I'll squeeze my butt in there if every single 2 digited asshole decides to go in to NJC.
I will die.

Because ACJC is my second choice and I'll have to end up going to whole freaking way OMG I should've just put Anderson as my second choice right.
Not the time to feel frustrated now.
But OMGGGG SPAZZING TIME the comeback stage for MBLAQ was the awesomest today Mir was sooooo hot it was almost hard to believe he's our adorable maknae hehehe.
(I want to watch Sesame Player/update so I seriously shouldn't be here blogging but here I am trying to vent out my feelings and spazzing and feeling less of a loser for putting ACJC second and killing myself if NJC doesn't want me)

But hey, Ms Lim's there at NJC though it will probably just kill me all over again (all that scolding blah blah etc etc) but I love that woman can I help it mehehehe.
Okay I have to admit I'm choosing NJC partially because of Ms Lim hahah I miss her la what.
And her scolding; which seems rather sadistic when I'm talking about it

I need to feel less of a loser so shall I go and watch MBLAQ's Sesame Player again.
I should watch the one where they were playing in the playground right that was so freaking entertaining hahahah I laughed so hard at G.O. going the other direction Oh my goodness my stomach's hurting even at the thought of it.

AND MEHEHEHE MBLAQ's Hello Baby!
(Although BEAST is still my bias, but...
I would prefer if they didn't do Hello Baby.
I mean, hello, Junhyung would be the third Onew/Tiffany or something. He's just not chummy with kids I don't think they share a particular affinity. Like myself and kids.
Which means I'm not going to be anticipating Junhyung/Hara children anytime soon.
Though I think he'll be a fabulous dad.
Just stop being awkward with kids)

Seungho seungho seungho the appa with military hair don't you think you'll scare the baby girl away?
Gosh.
And Cheondung will just stand there and smile like some kind father. No really I think he'll be the second Minho.
And wehhehehehe who shall be the second Key I have faith in G.O. he looks like a great dad. And I figured Joon will probably distract himself with the kid's toys himself and not give half a crap about it.
But Seungho's good with kids!
He was having fun with one of the children in some event I saw that day mehehehehe. WHAT AN AWESOME FATHER HE COULD BE.
(shall not sound creepy and say that let me bear your children I mean yuck I see youtube comments like that and I just. gross. out OMG)

But anyhoos, MBLAQ BEAST I LOVE YOU.
2AM can you just comeback already.

Cloud 0125

2012-01-10T05:10:00.000-08:00

And soo...
Got the O Level results back and I haveta say I did pretty well. Okay no I did really well.
I was like half-expecting to get 12 or something; and then I ended up getting a single digit.
An awesome single digit actually.
I mean come on la I got a fucking seven whoohoo.

I'm not being proud and all but I'm just so glad that my hard work paid off (if any of it even existed in the first place considered I'm extremely lazy)
Have been hearing things about stressful junior college and still wanting to go there it's crazy. I like studying. Yes I'm mad.

Because that's probably like the only thing other than singing and rapping and writing that I'm good at.
(shall I tell you that I got an A1 for English even with that ridiculously terrible composition I came up with? I think the British are really cool; and generally amazed at our mundane life here and it seems so interesting to them)
But anyhoo I'm glad. Means my English is seriously decent and that I can go to the English Language Elective Programme at Anglo-Chinese JC.
Yes there is where I am heading despite having the ability to go to any freaking junior college I want.
And though Raffles is nearer it's a private school and the school fees are exorbitant it's freaky.
My parents aren't exactly King/Queen Midas.

And therefore I'm going to Anglo-Chinese JC's open house with grace/kai en/chloe/salvia perhaps to look around and find out about the place.
But seriously, Buona Vista. I have to wake up at what freaking time again huh.
But whoa I'm so proud of my friends who have gotten 6 pointers like Jaymond and Jieyi etc etc. They're such freaks I swear.
Says me who has only one more point than them. Yes my competitiveness is working it's way through everything again it doesn't make sense.
MBLAQ's It's War is seriously awesome; I mean apart from the fact that Lee Joon looks smokin' in the music video and ruining my bias list when Seungho's supposed to be (and is technically still) at the top.

I mean I can't stop loving this man just because he looks like some weird NSman; not especially after I went back to watch this man on Mnet's Must again for the nth time and videos with his beautiful fringe and spazzed my day off.
But gahhh seungho you...
I totally love junhyungxseungho and 2Jun and Junseob and Dooseung and Doowoon.
I shall not add anymore but these pairings are the best.
(what did I say about not letting yaoi dominate my blog again?! sigh)

Life is a beautiful thing.
I totally wasn't expecting to get an A1 for Combined Humans or an A2 for Higher Chinese. Okay, fine so the most unexpected one was English.
But A1 for Com Hum?
Seriously?
You mean at the rate I fail my SS I still can get an A1?
So my SS is better than I thought. Huh or maybe I got full marks for my Lit that I wasn't even half sure what I was writing?
Interesting.

And dammit, B3 for Chemistry.
I can't laugh in Mok's face anymore. And Amaths. GAH THIS TWO ARE MY ACHILLES HEEL.
Okay no my Chemistry was supposed to be fabulous man.
I always ace it and then now...
argh.
Okay then for Amaths I was half thinking I would get a 5 or something so three is absolutely decent alright.
And A2 for Biology my life is wonderful.
Let me go and watch Infinite's Sesame Player first. I haven't finished it yet zzz.
And OH YES I AM GOING TO CHANGE MY PHONE MY LIFE MY LIFE IS BLISSFUL.

Everyday's an adventure.

2012-01-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

So, chalet was da bombz with the cuzzies I haven't met since forever and I so look forward to seeing them again meheheh
Pictures are aaaaaall on facebook and I could probably put them here to make this look more interesting but it's 12.32 in the morning and I have to get my results tomorrow and watch Infinite's Sesame Player, so I guess some other time?

I keep saying that I'm not really stressed, but I figured that stress ain't gonna aid me in any way. I'm just trying to tire myself so I can sleep without thinking of anything else and just go straight to get results tomorrow in my ridiculous-as-usual school uniform that I can't really stand.
But then, it's the last time I'm wearing it so might just as well cherish the last moment eh.
Pulau Ubin was pretty boring but cycling wasn't! (even though my legs and butt are still sore from cycling like mad for like maybe three hours)
But it was awesome with the cousins!
well everything was awesome with the cousins that is before someone came in and stole one of my cousins away
But let's not mention that considered it's over and it was a lot more fun after that.
Building the impregnable fortress at the beach was pretty cool too.
(I'm using 'pretty' pretty frequently lately)

But still, I'm still rather freaked out at how close the results are coming and I guess I might cry. Whether the results are good or not; I mean, I worked my ass off alright?
okay maybe not really, considered I really worked my butt off for prelims only.
I'm extremely worried about Amaths and Bio I think I'm going to die.
No, actually, it's just Amaths.
And to a certain extent, my Geography.
And my Chinese.
Okay so what if I'm freaking out about everything all together.

Wish me all the best.
Fingers crossed.

♥ jeon

GODLY.

2012-01-04T23:31:00.000-08:00

I shan't even comment on this and allow his handsome-ness to awe your butt off.

AMAZING EH WHY IS MY HUSBAND SO HANDSUM I HAVE NO WORDS.
Can't he just have this perfect look on every single second of his life?
http://www.allkpop.com/2012/01/mblaq-confirmed-for-season-five-of-hello-baby And this is the best as well hahah can I even imagine Seungho's fear?

I have a strange feeling he's afraid of kids haha call it a gut feeling. Then Mir will be the second Taemin who is allegedly closest to the kid but ignored the most.
G.O. will the best dad ever.
(I kind of like the idea of pairing G.O up with Seobness. Gseob. I like it. The feeling; since Seobbie's like petite and adorable and sensitive with his feelings, and G.O. looks more manly and yet he's very understanding about people's emotions so he'll be a wonderful boyfriend)

geh yaoi shall not dominate my blog pffft what is this.
Anyhoos, today is the fifth of January.
MASSIVE HAPPY BURSTDAY to our main vocal Seob, who is nothing but a wonderful darling, and an incredible main vocalist
Considered the amount of tears he made me weep from his Immortal Song stages gah.
And that he's a ridiculously awesome role model, for the B2UTIES; even when we make mistakes he makes us apologise, says sorry for us, and so many more.
Sometimes people take him too seriously when he scolds some fans for doing something wrong, like the sasaeng fans who vandalise on their neighbour's place and he washes it up himself personally.

But really, which idol will really do that?
To Yoseob, it was always people before himself; and this was something his mother has said before.
She had raised him up to be a considerate little boy; and to spare a thought for others before himself, and though that made him too sensitive and a little vulnerable to people, she believed that this trait in him would aid him in the future.
And it has.
Nobody has understood the lessons many of us learn from Yoseob, that perhaps he isn't the best student in class, the neatest boy in his dorm.
But he has the strongest moral values.
Even if he plays pranks on people, he believes that there's an extent to everything. He keeps things to himself, and grow very weak before people's hurtful comments, and so easily touched by small things the fans do for him.

This is Yang Yoseob.
Forever the fans, the members, his family, his friends, all before thinking about Yang Yoseob himself.
Although that makes our hearts hurt at times, we're still more than glad, that Yoseob has remained the same all along.
After two whole years, he still stays as that passionate, sensitive main vocalist, but perhaps he has grown a little stronger now.
His words on the fancafe has never stopped touching us and making our hearts tingle, his irresistable smile that plants a similar smile on our own faces, his unique laughter that sends us into a chuckling fit.
Yang Yoseob, thank you, for being such a great person in our lives, in mine, and you somehow made me think, that another angel has arrived from heaven to send us beautiful music, wonderful lessons.
Yang Yoseob, you're the angel of my life.
Thank you so much, and happy 23rd birthday (:

♥ Jeon

Going back.

2012-01-03T05:58:00.000-08:00

So, this is my 200th post. Though nobody is ahem reading this; I decided to change my blogskin. Eheh actually it's not because of that zzz.
I just thought that black's not really a nice colour.
And oops I just forgot to insert the blog archives thing (yes I am egoistical and would like to re read my old blog posts as if it's somebody else's.
I want to listen to Donghae/Eunhyuk's "ddeotda oppa" again, hahah.
I'm not even an ELF, but that song is so catchy it's tangling in my mind like crazy it's sick. Pssh. I don't even know what they're singing but OPPA OPPA is stuck there somehow.
Hahaha.
And I need to update.
I had an idea about I Remember; and then I downloaded songs and then they're watching Hong Kong shows and I could probably update now but not be able to sleep early enough.
I need to watch Sesame Player awesome shitzz.

Uh, yes, MBLAQ. Actually I watched the first part of Infinite's and it was freaking funny how they were running around Hongdae like retards away from their managers.
(okay, even if the only one I could recognise was L hahah wae so handsome and then I don't know who is who but Sungjong was on Happy Together with Yonghwa and Kwanghee and Kwon so I remember him he looks pretty...
feminine)
But Infinite sings well; so I might just make an exception of 'ROOKIE GROUP HATE' of Infinite and B1A4.
Yes, just because I've seen them live I am extremely shallow.
And gah has anyone told anyone else that Seungho looks fuggin' hot during the Japan promotions he was sooooooooooooooo adorable on BS Japan!
Gehhhh.
Even if I couldn't understand Japanese and it bothered me that it sounded annoying to my ears does it even matter.
But geeeeeeeez.
But G.O's effin' awesome too.
I don't really have a bias list in MBLAQ.

I just like Seungho and he's still at the top no matter whatever hairstyle he has and he's so friggin' awesome I can't.
And then after that there's normally Joon/G.O/Mir.
And Cheondoongie claims last, all the time.
It isn't that I dislike him really but he doesn't seem to be as interesting as the other rest and doesn't talk much.
But d'awww he's cute alright.
(in a totally different aspect as to extremely hyper and crazy Mireu goon)
And Joon has the cutest smile ever hehehe.
And G.O.'s voice gahhhhh.
He's actually pretty handsome without his moustache though.
No, actually he's really handsome. Kind of looks like Rain; I wonder that's why he chose him.
BUT SEUNGHO HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS MAN.
And then his awkward grandpa laugh when the Jap hosts told him to say 'aishteru' to the screen. But he still did and still MELTZZZZ GAH I GO JELLY
I love his grandpa laugh, his grandpa dance moves, and yet he goes uber sleek when he wants to has anyone watched the one on Mnet must?
His piano skills and OMG I NEVER EXPECTED HIS SINGING TO BE THIS AWESOME I AM GOING MAD.

kay I need to stop spazzing is not healthy.

but really did you hear his falsetto I am going mad I swear.
(shall I repeat that I really love his hairstyle I so want to download this into my mp4 this is dae to the bak)
All the videos in my mp4 are like BEAST videos
(V.I.U's awesome dorkiness, Seob's Immortal Song stages, Fiction live stages, MV, Rainy Days live stages, Shock Jap Version simply because our Jun looks smokin', Soom MV and Seungho's piano playing)

Have I told anyone how much I love men who play the piano or any musical instrument at that? Perhaps beatboxing too. And yes, a man who sings is a man who kills.
I mean, you don't have to be really good, but if I can hear the love in your voice, you're irresistable.
But piano men are like the best things on Earth I think I love them already.
GAH STOP SPAZZING.
I really need to update.
Life has been tiring as usual, but fulfilling enough.
I'm suddenly anticipating going out with the cuzzies I haven't met since forever this weekend.
and yes results are out soon fuck I think I'm going to die from the stress what is this is this even possible.
I don't think I can concentrate at work on Monday.
BUT BS, I'LL HAVE TO EARN ENOUGH TO CONQUER YOU
Bzzz I already have enough. -.-

So special guy is you; we fly~

2011-12-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

geh how can anyone be so beautiful huhu.
I don't really appreciate Jun in blonde hair ahem yes I don't but he looks so fucking hot on KBS's Daejun, so...
I'm speechless.
Proof:

Yong Junhyung you idiot why you so hot so handsum so perfect.
/sobs
My self esteem takes a new low again OMG GAHHHHHHHHH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
I'm constantly amazed at his beauty lately I think it might become a habit.
Watched MBC's GYDJ live today and was rotting like mad and getting scolded just to see BEAST and then they took forever to come out.

Not to mention the quality was ridiculous.
But I was totally spazzing when ot6 won Song of the Year at KBS yesterday my goodness I love them all so much.
And Junhyung sang, which just makes every single little thing a lot better because we all know our rapper-nim's reluctance to sing and my constant infatuation with his voice.
Or maybe, my infatuation with simply him.
/sighs dreamily

And so I finished my six-shot.
I think doing five one-shots in one day shall be my new record hahah let's try to break it some other time.
Anyhoo, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
To all the poor souls out there who have to study, jiayou in everything you do.
(Do look for me if you need tuition though haha I need extra cash lol)
And that all the people like me to cross our fingers that we'll get awesome results. This has been bugging me for a while, damned.

But 2012 will be whole new beginning; and the fact that there will be new challenges, new friends, new difficulties, new happiness, new things to look forward to
Beautiful /cough Show /cough
So I will be strong and keep on doing what makes me happiest the most!
(uhm which is like singing and writing and uhm rapping)
Because the choir seniors heard me rap and said I rap well hehehehehehehe I am so proud. Which is not good.
But then again /shrugs
Told Omma that I wanna go watch a concert (BS, duh)
Not sure if she was joking but she was like "what concert, don't go! Cannot go!"
Bleh, mom.
It's my money.

I do whatever I want to do with it.
And I shall have to watch BEAST live some time in my life before I become old, or before I regret, or before I actually start to lose interest in them
BECAUSE NOW MY HEART BELONGS TO THE 2AM LOVELIES, OT6 CUTIES, MBLAQ DORKS.
Seungho you army boy cut your hair so ugly but you still rocked that stage with that wonderful piano skill you have I'm going mad.
I was squealing before the laptop haha this is not good.
AND ADAM DANCED TROUBLEMAKER I YELLED WHEN THE WHISTLING CAME OUT AND YELLED EVEN LOUDER WHEN IT WAS ADAM.
Darn they should've just kissed.
(realise the difference with 2hyun and this hahaha)
I miss Adam I wanna rewatch for the fifth time or something I love Adam KWON AHHHHHH~)

puuu.
Happy New Year.
Saehae bok mani badeuseyo~
I could type in Korean but I've work tomorrow and haveta fetch Appa from the airport so I need to sleep soon.
And dream of Junhyung and Seungho in Sesame Player hair.
GAH MY LIFE IS WONDERFUL.
WAS WONDERFUL-ER YESTERDAY KEEEEEEEEE~

More than words.

2011-12-27T03:38:00.000-08:00

"If I'll forget you tomorrow; can I choose not to sleep?"

-Jaeshim (at least that's what she tells me in my mind)

I love Claire OMG I can't even say it out hehe she's so awesome for dedicating that Jun oneshot for me even though I expected it; GAH BUT I LOVE IT.
www.kaseumi-appa.tumblr.com
I'm guessing you can go and read it BUT OMGGGGGGG GAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Pssh.
Okay need to stop spazzing I still have the creepy stalker Hyunseung fic to complete. Phee.
But still; I also have "I Remember" and I have loads of requests to finish, but this idea has to stop bugging me in my mind and I need it out in the world somehow.
So whatever, but I'll have to finish it today.
Am going to have dinner with the kitchen people tomorrow at AMK!
Not being exceptionally excited because they're just a bunch of old people in my eyes, but hey, they're interesting.
(Well, better than many other service crew asses)

So, I'm still looking forward!
And I also figured that since 2011 is coming to an end, I should write a conclusion about the year!
^^

So, 2011 has been pretty much tough for most of us, because we have the O Levels and we're all just so bushed out by it.
I understand that I've changed, through these few years.
(Go ask Yunting, she was the one who told me that)
So I admit, I was a fucking bitch in the start of secondary school; and maybe some people don't understand the pain behind it.
Not like I want to start touching on it; but it's just...
Okay, let's just say annoying people don't get liked anywhere.
I was never too social. It isn't that I'm shy and all, it's just that I don't like to mingle with people I just know.
It's ridiculous, really.
I mean, acting all chummy with people I'm not familiar with.
It just doesn't make sense to me.
Or maybe just because I don't like to open up to people.
I like to poke my nose into people's business, I like to shout and scream, like to boss people around.
Whole in whole, I was a bitch.
I admit that even myself.

I mean, how could anyone even tolerate the old me?
If I myself can't even do that.
And so due to a series of many saddening events (of which include me having to live a life all alone; to eat alone, to walk around alone, to talk to myself and all)
Life was torturous, and to be serious? I actually thought alot about committing suicide.
Gah, I know I mock at people who do that. They're silly and blah, but things happen when you're depressed.
It's fortunate I'm too much of a wimp to actually do it, you know.
I've always been a person with too little confidence, but it doesn't help that I go out there and boast about myself, being all arrogant and all, when I feel too inferior on the inside.
I've never been a very superficial person; but I do believe that people judge you when they see you.
And to be honest, I don't have the friendliest face, neither am I at all pretty. I'm not sure if that's why I tend to cower before people, and cover it all up with this perfect facade, that my ego is fine, and large at that.
Sometimes I find it sad that I have to bluff people like that; but sometimes I get to bluff myself through the process as well.

Those moments that not only nobody understands you, but the sadder thing is that nobody wants to understand you.
And so I found this in me, and I wasn't even sure how, and how things changed for me, but I did.
I'm still not in the cool gang, and I don't even really have a clique; but I guess it's cool for me now.
I'm not a very expressive person; differing from what I appear to be.
Really, I am only expressive in the sense that I am able to mouth out whatever I think, but whatever I feel? Not really.
Perhaps some people still see me as cold, or that I have an attitude problem.
But sometimes people just don't understand that it's just because I'm not good in voicing out my own emotions.
Even though I get frustrated by people who do that, haha.
I am actually very concerned about people's views on me, if I've made them upset, if there's something bothering them.
I can see through that easily, but it just isn't me to ask "Hey are you alright? I'm worried about you"
Perhaps I can only express that through text, I don't know.
But people shouldn't misunderstand a lack of expressiveness is an attitude problem. Cause it isn't.

Sure, I look aloof at times, I'm noisy at times, and unexpectatedly moody as well, but I'm actually glad about my own change.
2011, there were so many things happening around, but because I was so occupied with my work, I wasn't too concerned with social lives.
(Not like I had one to start with)
As I continue to live in this socially awkward stage, I live on.
It isn't that I don't want to be in the 'cool' group, and feel important somehow, but sometimes, your happiness weighs alot more than that.
I have had so many precious people in my heart, in my life in 2011.
And I can't thank them enough, really.
JOYCE KOH. Although she has been my friend since 2010, and we've been hanging out, somehow it still gives me a little regret that we actually don't talk much about each other's emotions to each other
(Unlike how I do with Yunting)
We have had our arguments, our cold wars, acting like kids as we throw tantrums; and both of us are people who are not expressive enough.
Not willing to apologise to each other.
And all that and all that.
But she has been there whenever I fall, even though all her words of encouragement will be through texts because it will simply be just too embarrassing to say it in person.
Unwilling to give each other compliments.
But perhaps, because we know each other too well, to know that we're both extremely prideful, and own a past we don't wish to speak of too oftenly, so we just back off sometimes.
To give each other respect, to give a listening ear, to not probe if the other doesn't want to speak.
But I'm glad she has been there for me, thank you very much, my best friend, even though we're both lousy at mushy words, but you've been here for as long as you can, enduring my straightforward words (You know I don't think before I speak)
As much as I endured your tempers and your ughh sensitivity.
BUT THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WITH ME FOR SO LONG.
We'll still be awesome friends when you go to Poly and me to JC (hopefully) right?
I LOVE YOU, even though I never say it out because it's so disgusting.
Hahahha.

MARY. Even though we've been classmates for quite a while, it wasn't until lately that we've become closer and I love her company!
Always suaning me, always texting me, asking me about my job, my stuff.
She's such a sweetheart, and always being so enthusiastic.
Even though you have your moodswings; I still love you for being such a darling, and going out to play with me all the time.
Don't complain that your dedication is shorter than Joyce's cause I give you two equal love, it's just that Joyce is a tad less expressive and tad more sensitive than you are.
But I still love you, and all the best in everything!

SIMA AND CHERYL. Even though I know they don't read this, but I'm thankful for them being always there, for being the bullied ones by Mary, Joyce and me (okay, maybe just the both of them more, and more of my insults to Sima)
I'm always feeling sorry for Sima, that sometimes I'm afraid my insults will be brought too far that I've hurt her feelings.
doesn't help that her reactions are always epic so I can't stop.
But still, I appreciate them for being always there, being such sweethearts and cheering me up all the time (:
And being so encouraging.

KAI EN. We're not the closest friends, I know, but I can't help but have to write something about her.
(Remember those personal messages we shared on twitter?)
They've been such an encouragement for me; and I was just feeling moody that day, but...
I appreciate that we share feelings with each other, that we talk to each other. That she tries to use her optimism to cheer me up, and that I try to do it the other way round when she feels sad.
That she ends up liking BEAST and reading my fanfics and being a supportive fan, making me very very very happy lately (:
But really, I'm thankful for her constant encouragement, through the exam period, how she tells me to study harder and makes out a plan for my day.
Even though we're not the closest friends, but she's still precious to my heart.
Thank you. (:

CLAIRE. People might say that online friendships are not reliable.
I'm guessing that doesn't exactly work for me. It isn't that I talk to her daily about my day, about how I feel.
But it just feels good, to know that someone is there for you.
Even though I still feel that Claire is an extremely famous person (in the sense she's like sort of cool online because she's the moderator and an awesome writer and all) and that I feel sort of sad whenever she doesn't reply my tweet mentions, but I've always looked up to her.
Every comment she gives me on my fanfic is heartwarming, that although she critiques some part here and there
(Of which some may prove to be sort of hurtful but that's just me and my low self esteem at it again)
she still ends it off with something like
'a great job nonetheless'.
Sometimes I feel like she's my teacher, and every chapter I write I try to be as cautious as possible just so I might be able to hand up one that impresses her enough.
I have to be honest, that I don't write well. It's just that I think (not my ego working now) my ideas are generally good? and fresh, but I can't write really well, no.
It makes me so glad everytime she compliments me on my vocab again, puts a wide smile on my face.
and when she first spazzed when I did that oneshot for her (disgracefully lousy, I think I'll have to write one all over again)
It makes me really happy, and though we haven't known each other for long, I treat her as my close friend now.
Perhaps I would feel alot better than I am now if she weren't so cool; gah so unlike me, but still.
I cherish her.
Thank you, Claire.

BEAST. Even though they're just idols, that may seem to be some ridiculous joke in your eyes, but who has understood the courage they bring to my life, that I endured those late-night mugging sessions listening to their beautiful voices, slept smiling because of their silly videos.
Brought a whole new colour into my life as I suddenly felt that living was worth it. Because they brought me life; and I am more than thankful to them. Even if none of them will see this, even if they don't even know I exist.
I am contented to see them from far away.
To know that they are well, so I will be.
And I will be here, moving on, because they push me forward.
Thank you, BEAST.
More, thank you, Junhyung.

OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE BROUGHT LOVE TO MY LIFE. I love all of you guys, even those who hurt me, but made me learn.
There are so many people out there who scoff at me, who can't give a damn, and some who just grow affectionately inside my heart.
I appreciate all of you, really.
And from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
As 2011 draws to a close, and the curtains droop, the spotlights fade, 2012 welcomes us with open arms.
To hope that the wonderful will be even more amazing, and the poor memories to grow better into something that will benefit me.
Even though hurt is inevitable, 2012 will be better than ever. Because, I believe.

~

(20 years from now)
Daughter: Omma, what am I gonna do if I get a boyfriend next time and he gets jealous because I like some boyband?
Me: You mean, like an idol group?
Daughter: /nods head
Me: Oh... I can't give you an answer to that.
Daughter: What? Why?!
Me: /narrows eyes Well, because the man I married is my idol.
Daughter: /rolls eyes Omma, you're being cheesy.
Me: /raises eyebrow Really, now?
Junhyung: /laughs and enters the room You do know Appa used to be in an idol group too, right?
Daughter: You mean... BEAST? All the samchons always talk about it.
Me: /laughs Did my daughter just call the ever cute Yoseob a samchon? /chuckles

Junhyung: /laughs along More like Dongwoon will be hoppin' mad if he hears this
Daughter: Omma, Appa you guys are not making sense!
Me: /shrugs Whaddya want me to say?
Daughter: /ponders So you mean... Omma, you were BEAST's fangirl?
Me: /indecisive Uh... yeah.
Daughter: /jumps up Woah that's like a dream come true for every single fangirl!
Me: /chuckles I don't even know what your Appa saw in me, though, but I love this man.
Junhyung: Nothing to say about that. Guess when you see her, you know it.
Daughter: Was Appa your bias?
Me: /thinks Mmmmm...
Junhyung: /mock anger Yah!
Me: /smiles Yes, he was.
Daughter: D'awwww!~
Me: /smiles at Junhyung A dream come true, all right.

Winter Wonderland.

2011-12-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

"다음 세상 다시 태어난다면 놓지 않아나
미치도록 사랑해 널 죽을만큼 사랑 한다"

If we are born again in the next world, I won't let you go
I love you like crazy, I love you till death

- 친구의 사랑 by U-Kiss

Uhm, well, hello (:
Today is Boxing Day! Didn't get to come up and say MERRY CHRISTMAS because I am a free thinker and Christmas doesn't mean anything to me,
so...
Heheh. Have you seen the teaser for "Beautiful Show"? OMG YOSEOB-AH WAE YOU SO CUTE!
Huhu and I love your Dr. Dre headphones have I told you that before?
I have an idea for 2Hyun (Troublemaker) that is somehow related to MAMA.
In a different way; even though the last one about MAMA was dedicated to Claire and this is a completely different storyline.
And so work has been tiring! As usual, though.

I am suddenly extremely glad that I am still a student; because even though work is fun at times it is absolutely tiring.
I DON'T WANNA WORK ANYMORE CAN ANOT?
Next time I wanna go teach tuition can already.
Can sit around and point at this and that. I'll rather use my brain than to get cuts and burns all over myself which is what happened today.
Stupid papadem. However you spell it.
So I want to quickly get my results and quickly admit into a school and quickly study and get myself away from this zoo mess.
(I'm gonna get into trouble if anyone there actually really reads this)

I want to write that Troublemaker story and if I don't do it now I'll have to do it tomorrow and get scolded by my mum for using the laptop again.
Oh well.
And ooooooooh yes Beautiful Show is coming to Singapore! That's what I heard, hehehehe ^^
Yes that's what I heard since long ago from jieyi, but now that I hear it from more people I am more convinced WHOOHOO!
That is why my money from working will AAAAAAAALL go to the concert and merchandise. But we are in Singapore, and the merchandise'll probably be gone like two days even before the concert itself huh.
Kiasu-ness at its best, eh?

No, really, I am tempted to write the troublemaker story.
And I also feel like putting a blogger link to all my fanfics (even if they're all on AFF) so that I can read them myself.
EGOISTICAL BLEH.
And I don't know, I would like the idea of one.
Should I?
But tech idiot ahoy~
Sigh. I should at least be able to do that right?
There are bitches in the kitchen, and I for one don't think that she'll be tech-savvy enough to find this, or that her English is even worth half the bucket to decipher what I'm writing.
But nonetheless; I'm learning to be a nice person now, so...
Yes.

There are nice people, of course, but most don't give a shit. Not like I do anyway, aren't I just famous for my attitude?
But at work you can't just give anyone attitude because everyone's your supervisor and the lowly part-timers are just at the bottom of the pyramid.
Somebody save me.
These people don't even bother to look at you at times.
I wonder if they all are borned with such huge ass egoistical pride that they don't even wanna do that.
Or that they're just unfriendly.
Either way, I don't like these people.
Yes, sure I look menancing when I don't smile or laugh or talk; and I'm a tad too noisy when I do, but hey, when I walk past you I smile or wave or say hi, alright?
I appreciate it if you do the same.
Thank you very much.

I mean, come on, what is wrong with you?
Do you not have an expression, or a poker face is an expression in your view?
I don't get people like that.
There are really nice people; even though I'm still eating lunch alone unless I bump into someone I know at the lunch area.
Pei lin is really nice
Well, not just because we like to bully Naijie or insult him together.
And Weiling is also nice, although he seems to be rather creepy of the sort.
I mean the part timers are mostly nice cause we're like of similar level so we get the same scolding.
I am just soooo glad Hadi's gonna be back tomorrow.
Even though we do different stuff and all; but at least I'm not the only one at the chefs' mercy.
I do need a breather you know.

And then those chefs who think they know better keep thinking that I'm slacking and make me come here and there work here and there.
Hello I am human too and I need to rest; dammit.
It's just that whenever I do things I like to talk alot and blabber and blabber and complain a little; but I still get my job done?!
So shut up and let me do my thing and when I ask you just friggin answer me and don't beat around the bush you son of a...
Nevermind.
I do sound angry right?
But I'm not. I'm just frustrated. And to think just a while ago my blogposts were still excited about the new people over there.
I'm tired now so tired I think I could just bury myself in my pillow and die off just like that.
But I shall keep thinking of BS (Beautiful Show; that's what I'll be calling it for now) and I will keep going on.
AND THOSE ABSOLUTELY SWOONING DR. DRE HEADPHONES I LOVE YOU.
Huh
But AudioTechnica is not bad should I consider that.

Ninth of January please come rapidly I love you. It's so weird I want my results to come back faster, but really?
I'm tired of work.
I want to go to school and die studying in Math formulae and Chemistry QA and Anatomy of Human etc etc.
I'll rather face books than to face another chopping board with onions, or stupid tourists and their dirty dishes for me to collect.
FUCK YOU.

Hair Colour.

2011-12-22T04:22:00.000-08:00

So...
I love blonde Yoseob/brownish Yoseob (the one in Fiction)
I love red Dongwoonie (like uhm... now)
I love black Doojoon (because he never seems to change much in hair colour) oh or perhaps brown as well (in Fiction)
I love black Gikwang (who never really changes as well)
I love orange Hyunseung/black Hyunseung (in Troublemaker)
I love brown Junhyung (in Fiction as well)

I love all their Fiction hairstyles but shall I be selfish; I love Junhyung with whichever hair colour. Hahah
The hair style is important too!
Hyunseung and maknae Woonie's hair is the best NAO.
Junhyung, Doodoo, Seobness's hair the best in Fiction.
Kwangie never seems to change much, so oh well! (definitely not AJ moments though hahahaha) I think I should get a beta reader to edit my grammatical errors in my story like how Claire has said hahahah.
I could always do it myself but because I wrote it and I know what I wrote so my mind just like scans through my work and I'm like...
Hhaha.
It isn't because my grammar is lousy though, of course.
Haven't been having much inspiration lately, so my latest chapter actually is kind of like a drabble more than anything hahahaha.
But oh well I like writing random things.
Fills the chapters up a little so things don't appear to be too sudden keke.

Work has been tiring as usual and Mary has her phone spoilt so I can't message her and all; and it's getting really lonely around her psssh.
Watched episode thirteen of Me Too, Flower! Awesome as usual, but seriously can Bongsun and Jaehee just get back together already? They are soooo annoying feel like slapping both their faces.
Put down your fucking pride and get back together because you know you still love each other, alright?!
Grrr stupid Korean films.
Haha nah I'm kidding.
It's 8.30pm now and I actually wanna watch MBLAQ's Sesame Player for the third/fourth time (I don't remember) because I looooooove that show!
They are such dorks and sooo cute but I think it would've been so much more interesting if maknae Mir was there!

Yesterday was #HappyJunseobDay and being a large Junseob shipper my latest fic included fragments!
Even if I didn't congratulate it or something, but I love Junseob!
Gah stay forever alright?! Goo Hara you can go and piss off.
Because they have a Junseob Day but they don't have a Junhara Day, do they?
Suck on it, lalalaa~
Love the 91-line! They are such adorable kids, especially Dongwoonie and Mir (okay perhaps because they are like the maknaes of two of my favourite groups)
And Jinwoonie!
So queer that the only three male idol groups I like have maknaes all in the 91line how adorable.
Affinity mmm.

I think I need to leave house earlier tomorrow morning for work because stupid 178/927 take forever to come I waited a whole fucking half an hour this morning, asses.
Gah and I don't really have a favourite female idol group!
Okay, maybe Brown Eyed Girls!
Don't say that it's because I like Ga In from Adam couple, alright? My fav member is actually NarSha! Son Namshin's Yeoshin heheheheh~
She's so sexay, and BEG is da bombz!
Female artist wise, IU HANDS DOWN I LOVE HER OMG HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HER SHE'S SO ADORABLE AND SHE SINGS SO FREAKING WELL!
Gehhhh Jieun you are awesome shitzz.
And I'm strange, but I don't actually like female groups, I just like their members hahaha

I like Soyeon and Eunjung from T-ARA. (I love Soyeon alright she's so pretty her eyes are like waaaaaaa so big and shiny and be-au-ti-ful if Seungho loves her I approve them immediately hahaha)
I like Hyosung from Secret (Not because Claire says I look like her, but she's really pretty and she sings really well!)
And hahah I write too much about Prince Jang I typed 'Hyoseung' just now too quickly hehehehe
I like Sooyoung from Girls' Generation! (Don't say that I hate SNSD, alright? I don't HATE any group, I just... not like SNSD so much, okay?
But Choi Sooyoung, you are a female goddess can you get any prettier?!)
I like... Gayoon from 4minute she's such an adorable sweetie hehehe but I'm guilty to say I can't even say out all the members' name pfft I'm such an awesome person eh.

I have to admit I don't give too much attention to female groups (because I'm still mostly straight and I like guys, alright)
But they are pretty awesome, like A Pink. Gah cute much!~
Cannot you is cannot fight my IU-ssi.
I remember when I met Yunting that day and then I told her that I'm bi.
To explain.
I like guys, still, mostly. No, I only like guys, but I like ogling at pretty ladies. I don't infatuate over them like I do for guys and I don't love them, not in that way.
I just looking at them and going OMG SO PRETTY.
Not in the "I want to look like them" kind of looking at them. But more of a "wow, that is one gorgeous babe" kind.
Kind of like a dude checking out a girl.
I still have my feminine side of course.
But I'm just like "Oh she's hot" and when I say I'm bi I mean I'm not going to be against being in a lesbian relationship but I am not inclined in that way.
Not that I'm in one, but I'm not against the idea of one.

It sounds more and more wrong the more I try to explain right? Hahah I know.
But don't worry I've never had that kind of feelings for girls ever in my life; not the kind I have for guys.
It's just...
If I really have to be in one, then I guess it's... alright?
Okay I should stop explaining. zzz.

Bang Bang Bang.

2011-12-21T03:11:00.001-08:00

"Do you really think guys don't feel cold whenever they offer their blazers
to their female partners? They're just doing it out of respect and
gentlemanliness, and the women should seriously not hog over their coats just
like that, and say 'hey you must be cold too, why not you have it back?'"

- Ji-woo (Rain's character from the drama 'Fugitive Plan B')

And Jini looks away and says: "I'm not going to give it back to you anyway"
Because there are so many stereotypes we're used to that we take them for granted; and we look forward to a scene like that.
But, hey, Ji-woo kind of told you that within pursuing your romantic date; you haveta think of some other people as well.

~

I can't even type properly now because there's a wound on my index finger and it's wrapped with plaster so I can't type properly pssshh.
At least I have my other fingers, but it's a chore updating like this.
And if I take it out it actually hurts. A little.
Huk because I was peeling the potatoes I think I wanted to peel my skin as well hahaha what is this ^^
But oh... well~
Hehehe
Oh that means I'm going to update today!
(cues rejoicing music)

Mmmmm I'm now going to update so when you see this later it's actually like almost an hour later or something hhahahah what is this (:

~

Okay it's really like two hours later because I went to have dinner and we talked too much at the dining table and eating up my updating time.
Mian.
I want to sleep OMG I think my eyes are going to close soon.
No, like now.
Bzzzzzz~
But I want to wait for comments huhuhuhu.
Sigh.
I'm such a contradicting person.
Kitchen work tomorrow again!
Yayhay I'm being unnecessarily happy about it again whoohoo~

Life is awesome shall I go and sleep now?
Hheheheheh
Am I that cheesy?
Hmmm yes I am. (:
That's a good thing!

...right?

Junhyung-ah, happy birthday.

2011-12-18T05:41:00.000-08:00

So...
The title kind of explains this.
I remember that the first BEAST member birthday that I celebrated was Son Namshin's one... How long was that ago?
Hukhuk I don't remember anymore.
It's really awkward, how Junhyung's my bias and I don't really know what to write about him
(although this is going to end up longer than anything as usual)
I wrote a post for Doojoon the last time; and of course I have to do him justice!
The standards:
On this special day 111219, our dearest Joker nim turns 23 (Korean age) and I am just so thankful for Yong omma for giving birth to this wonderful little darling who brings us a lot of joy, a lot of fabulous lyrics, extraordinary music.

There isn't even anything that I should be complaining about this man... Hahaha sounds funny. ^^
Now, to move on about him.
About Junhyung... There is so much more about him; even though he brings me sad news from time to time
/cough cough Junhara and this idiot who sprained his back
but I can't stop loving him.
When Junhara came out, I was very upset, just like everyone else. I was so sad that Jesters actually changed biases and I was so disappointed with them.
Just because he has a girlfriend now means he lessened on his talents?
People should consider why they even liked him in the first place, really. I love his talents; that he can write awesome lyrics, raps with such swag, his sexy lip-licking, those eyebrow raising.
His crazy love for Coke, being a naggy mother within the boys; but being so lazy himself and unwilling to pick up stuff.

The fact that he absolutely loathes exercising, and he's always stuck to his iphone and gadgets. That he doesn't talk much, but one expression shows everything.
That he's really an extrovert, but just a little shy.
That he has an adorable laugh; but he doesn't like to smile much, and therefore every smile he shows is so extremely precious to us.
That he likes to cover that beautiful set of teeth when he laughs, and he shouldn't because he looks gorgeous when he smiles. (:
I should stop spazzing.
It sounds rather ridiculous that I'm able to rant about idols so incessantly when they don't even know the existence of us.

But I don't wanna to lie to myself for nothing too, you know.
Yong Junhyung, no, not just him, the whole of BEAST, they used to be called the 'recycled group', Junhyung from Xing, Kwang from AJ, Seung from Bigbang, Doo and Woon from JYP, Seob from being AJ's backup dancer; and not getting to show himself off.
They give me strength, whenever I feel like giving up, or thinking that my dreams are too large to ever achieve.
Because they have walked this tough path to be successful artistes; being in first place for various songs.
They don't just get talent, but they work hard as well.
I always appreciated people like that, who go through the many hardships in life to get what they're worth.

During the exams, all it takes is to listen to the soothing voices of them in their ballads (especially Yoseob's), their strong vocals in their dance songs; and so much more.
All it takes is one of their dorky videos to make me so much happier!
I didn't really do anything much today; to celebrate, that is! But I just... was extremely happy on my way back home!
Listening to Fiction for 300 times as well~
<3
Junhyung, you bring me faith, trust, respect, and you earn my love, my whole-hearted love, with no regrets.
And you deserve to earn it, for being such a darling.
Junhyung, Happy Birthday.

생각이 없어

2011-12-16T06:17:00.000-08:00

오늘 너무 힘들어 생각해 그 힘이 도 없고 어떻게 될 거야.
내일은 일이 도 있어 나 죽겠 가봐.
돈 있어 이렇게 생각하면 다 괜찮을 거예요~

우와 너 이런 여자 이야 실망아아아아아아
아니 왜 한국어 쓰서 이렇게 어려워?
부끄럽다.
선생님 미.안.해!

후후후후후후 ㅠㅠ
눈물 계속 흘러~~~~
나 오늘 좀 이상해!

이거는 읽어는 못할 지?
흐 나도 알고 있거든!

자자자자자자자자자자!
자고 싶지 않지만 도 자야 하지
내일 일이 도 있고.
팬픽 계속 봐야돼!
흐
끝~

Dead beat.

2011-12-14T05:50:00.000-08:00

Have been working for the past... four days. And everyday has been such a tiring day even though I only worked six hours.
Guess it isn't as easy as I thought huh, earning money.
And I have yet to get my pay and enjoy all the privileges from working so hard; so this is difficult.
Kitchen work has been awesome so far, even if there are plenty of chefs who look down on me for not knowing how to do things (or simply put, being amateur) but there are also darn awesome kitchen chefs who are so cute and nice and adorable!
Naijie gege for example. He's a large boaster, though, and that's very funny. But it's humurous, and that makes me slightly better hehe.
^^
There aren't many stuff to do in the kitchen lately and a lot of times I'm just sitting around (standing around) and doing nothing.
Well, if it weren't for Naijie gege talking to me about his superb (ahemahem) culinary skills and showing off his talents for making spaghetti and teaching me about miso soup.

Hehehe he's a funny man, and he totally doesn't look like twenty years old lor please does cooking make someone look old?
My dad doesn't look very old though.
I don't even know.
(: pssssh.
Well, he doesn't look like someone who's four years older than me. And according to Auntie Mary (who I find an absolute gossip), his birthday is on Sunday!
Though I will be working on that day too, I will be in the service crew.
So, Naijie gege, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Not like you can see this, but oh well. heheh.

I don't know what to call them. Call them geges or what? I don't know? Seems rude to call them by name, normally I just appear before them and they'll be friendly and ask "Oh yes, how may I help you?"
Hhahha it's awesome being a junior as much as it sucks, though.
I hope Naijie gege's there everyday he's a lot of fun.
And Yoongkang gege is such a sweetiepie he always tells me to look out for myself and not scald myself etc etc.
Even though he doesn't say anything much, but he's a great cook.
(I can feel it in my bones. Ma bones are psychic)
And they've awesome staff lunch, have I told you that before?
Hehehehe.

(:
I love my job, but it's really tiring at times.
Friday's my off day and so we get to go to Orchard to see lights tomorrow night! Somehow. But I really want to sleep; and I should be sleeping now.
But I'm apparently having to wait for my hair to dry and the clothes to be done to dry them and then go to sleep.
Am anticipating going to work in the kitchen again tomorrow!
Have to listen to Naijie gege's tales again.
Hahaha. And this Malay auntie who can't help but speak to me in Malay when I can't even utter half a word back to her in reply, and can only nod or 'orh, orh, okay'.
I don't think she can speak anything else but Malay.
I only catch like a word here and there, and fuck sia, she talk so loud.

Xiangyang gege is also friendly, although he seems like some creepy paedophile too often; but that doesn't scare me.
He's actually really nice too!
And no, I don't look like Naijie gege!
You can't just say that because we both have dimples.
That's not fair.
Not like he's ugly la, but it's just ridiculous to be called his sister when I've only known him for three days.
It's ludicrous.
(Yes I just googled that just to see if I spelt it correctly, and I did!)

Claire darling has just commented on I Remember, and I can finally update now!
But I will have to wait till Friday when I have all the time in the world (except for sleeping, that is, and meeting Yunting)
But I will!
Will notify my darling readers about the 'so-called' epilogue to I Remember and hope the old readers will also read that as well!
Huhuhuhuhuhu~
My life is complete.
I need more notebooks.

of-fish-ally.

2011-12-12T05:18:00.000-08:00

Ahem. Yes, I have returned to blogger after two days of work at the zoo's restaurant!
woohoo a cool sense of accomplishment washes through me but I really wanna sleep.
Woke up slightly late this morning; cause I couldn't sleep last night.
And the night before.

It isn't that I'm nervous about going to work, you know. I just couldn't go to sleep T.T
(even after having lots of time fantasizing about ahem Yang Seungho and ahem Yong Junhyung; I still couldn't go to sleep.
I was really sleepy when I came home at three thirty this afternoon though and hopefully I can sleep huh.
It isn't really tiring though, but my legs hurt huhuhuhu.
I feel like I've been standing the whole time (and I have, except for having that half an hour of lunch; and speaking of which, lunch is awesome there; the food is DAEBAK)
And then was working in the kitchen today from eight to two and I have to say I LOVE THE KITCHEN can I be kitchen crew and never have to do service crew ever again?
(Supervisor: NO~~~~~~~~~)
Yeah, yeah I know. But I love being in the kitchen, not just because the super strong aircon is facing me when I'm cutting the vegetables, or that I get to see so much food (that are actually not eaten yet or are waiting to be eaten).

The ahjussis/chef staff geges are really nice too.
(Figured I should say gege because we have a few MICs over there, and a few Malaysians as well!)
They are uber nice people; and one (which I forgot his name, simply cause today is my first day in kitchen) who told me I'm actually free to just grab a piece of something to eat if I want to
The privileges you get when you work in the kitchen mehehehhe
Well, service crew Fridays to Sundays (even though Friday is my off day this week)

But I seriously hope my supervisor will let me work in the kitchen for aaaaaaaaall the other days I love it there sooooo much what is this.
I like cutting random vegetables and being able to stand still at one spot and humming my songs while cutting things!~
I sound weird saying that, don't I.
Oh well. I am mega weird after all.
But looking after the buffet counter is such a chore; and I'll salivate at the thought of all that food (murhurhurhur that dimsum and all that bzzzzz) and all I can do is look, and tell the kitchen staff if we're running out of some particular dish.
(And this random service crew uncle who's being extremely bossy and tellin' me what to do and what to top up and what I topped up too much eh hello I'm the kitchen crew today even though I'm a junior and an amatuer to top, but this is my job. Unless you can do it all for me and pay me still, I don't mind. If not, don't tell me what to do. I KNOW what to do)
But other than that, everyone else is really nice there.

And being socially awkward like the person I am, I actually haven't talked much to anyone in detail or made friends (well if you count stuff like hey that dish outside is running out soon as making friends, then sure)
But there's really nice dude called Hadi who works in the kitchen with me for this whole time (and is going to) and we're not technically even asking "oh hi hello where are you from? Which school? How old are you?" kind of things.
But being the spy/ninja I am, I actually guessed that he's waiting for O Level results as well, and he has been working there since about a month ago.
(ahem that's what I got from peeking at his punchcard zzz)
But nobody say anything, even if this is as public as it gets.
I'm not guessing he's a ninja like me to know my full name and google it and somehow get here.

Geez, who would be interested in that, hanyways?
I hope we actually get to know each other better, because it's sad to be sitting with him at the same table and nobody's actually talking.
That's like eating alone.
(Though I'm a loner)
dadadiridadadoo~
Okay, enough of CN Blue.
But nevermind, I know Zeng Yi, my in-charge for AMR! And he was being a nice person AND a dork (as usual) and he said hi to me.
Sadly, there was something in my throat and I couldn't say it properly.
I hope he didn't think I was being rude.
Anyhoo, he helped me unlock the cabinet for my belongings and was very adorably asking me if I finished work already?
YES I HAVE!
was my reply.

I seem to be magnifying every single small thing that happened in work and all the nice people who greeted me (not mentioning the absolutely polite angmohs that say good morning to me when they see me at the buffet booth with that ridiculously weird looking chef outfit)
Yes, I have to wear that.
But this is the first time I'm actually working (okay maybe not I helped out at the roadside booths during CNY period and that was fuckin' good pay it was a good ol' 7/8/9 bucks an hour!)
so pardon me if I'm getting over-excited at my first rather cool job.
Heehee.
You won't get to see me if you come to the zoo from Monday to Thursday though cause I'll be chillin' with my chopping board or roti prata in the kitchen, away from you.
And people who eat the food in the restaurant, you might just be eating food prepared by myself, yes, be honoured.
Am wondering if Yunting is free this Friday to meet up since she sort of had something to do on Sunday and I had to come back home without a good meet-up session.

I am still wondering why she's so busy even if she doesn't have a job, pfffft.
Very difficult to understand.
I want to post my fics on BEAST ATTACK (the things I would do to gain new reader, geez) but I suck at wordpress and would love to ask Jieyi on how to use it.
But I have my pride and with my fast-learning skills I think I'll pick up pretty fast.
The IAMFOR2AM forum is refusing to let me log in and I wonder why.
I need to update my fic and be a responsible fanfiction writer everywhere.
Not just on AFF or B2STRising, alright?
I can't leave my 2AM alone.
But oh dear, I have yet another idea for the jaehyung couple! ♥ When technically their story isn't even completed yet.
I guess I will miss out on a lot of things on AFF lately because I don't have the time.
Mianhe!

Am glad that my one-shot request fic is generating loads of subscribers (and on the other side glad that I don't receive as many requests as my number of subscribers or I would've been dead by now.
It's still on hiatus as according to the foreword (and it still is, now that I have work) and I need to catch up on a few more request
(and re-requesters, because there was one I think I wrote pretty well, and since she asked for the same characters, and stated that I kind of described the characters pretty accurately, so I would like to start writing it as an epilogue!)
Phew, who knows. I might get another new online friend, and that story might just grow into a full-blown fic as large as I Remember, where I get readers from everywhere, and where every comment puts a large smile on my face.

REMEMBER ALL MY READERS!
even if you're silent, or you're busy spazzing, or you're just happy that I completed your request for you, or you feel that there's something you need to tell me, something random; or something to make me improve in my writing, you guys can always mention me on twitter.

But if you're just happy reading and not commenting (though that makes me a little dissatisfied), I still love you!
Remember that, because what's important, is that you guys enjoyed reading it.
And that's the whole point of writing, to bring some joy to some people, and perhaps, hoping that my efforts might spark off some thoughts or emotions within yourself.

P.S. I seriously need a full-blown Yang Yoseob fic for no particular reason. And a Jang Hyunseung one, and a Son Namshin one, and a Doojoon one.
Doojoon!
I will need to write one for him I love him I hate neglecting him.
Has anyone watched troublemaker on Gag Concert (shall not mention my love for Gag Concert anymore I simply love them they're so funny all the time my goodness)
And they are hilarious, even though 2Hyun can't act for nuts (you can see them trying to stifle their laughter what cute failing dorks awww)
And I'm proud that I watched "Me Too Flower" till episode 9 already because apparently I don't have the time to update JUST BECAUSE I WAS WATCHING IT JUST NOW.
Yoon Shiyoon can I just marry you already wae you shoooo kyute arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love the JaeSun couple they're so cute together though Bongsun unnie looks slightly (okay maybe a lot) older beside Jaehui!
But still, Yoon Shiyoon ♥

blah, png, stick with your Jung Ilwoo YSY IS WO DE.
(This is a really long postscript)

거짓말 이야

2011-12-10T01:03:00.000-08:00

Uhm yes, due to my lousy Korean standard (not true) I shall now...
I don't know.
I just decided I should mention the un-obvious. My Korean is good! Enough. I think.
I mean I'll probably be st-st-stuttering if I actually do meet a native speaker hahahaha :D okay maybe we'll be able to converse, but then I'll end up taking about a whole half minute to think of a reply, cause I need to think in English and then translate.
Bzzzz.

What is this.
Hahahahaha (: And then I had an absolutely queer dream the previous night; it somehow involved someone sleeping in the bathroom, a stranger in my house, a girl kissing me, me waking up late to get O level results and a lot of other things)
I think my brain's 4D even when I sleep what dreams are these?!
Hahaha. But I like it the way it is; I seem to be in a different frequency with the other people, and that makes me pretty awesome/special.
Work day starts tomorrow and I got my whole attire ready which is awesome cause I spent so long looking for it, and my grandma is a gem for trying to pay for it, even before I've even started work I love them
/wipes tears

I seriously hope I don't mess up anything tomorrow and I am planning to reach there earlier than expected, cause it's better to reach earlier than late right?
(considering I'm the one who needs to make a good impression)
I am really frightened that I'll screw something up huhuhuhuhuhu.
I hope I don't, and that the anal as usual supervisor will somehow like me and hire me as a part time worker hehehe.
And it suddenly dawned on me (or reminded by Juli's tweet) that O level results are a whole freaking month away
(and I have a whole month to work if I do get hired which I hope I will be)
And being suddenly afraid about it even though everything is set and there is nothing I can do about it.
I've been thinking about what I should do if my results are not satisfactory huhuhu I want to die! I'm supposed to be clever!
What is this.

Please hire me, please, please.
I need some money to buy the Troublemaker album and the WTBA CONCERT DVD that will come out in mid-December and estimated USD 100, the money that I actually do not have what is this.
Yes Troublemaker is still my priority; HyunA is so hot and since I'm bi (slightly, I think), I will buy it for the sake of Seung AND HyunA!
2Hyun is a hot thing lately and though I loooooove the both of them; individually, I actually don't ship 2Hyun too much cause they're just average to me.
I love all of the otps in BEAST.
(Even though I ship Jaehyung the most hehehehe reading so many fanfiction and everytime I read one of each otp I fall in love with them this is what writing does to me)
And I love MBLEAST pairs (especially seunghoxjunhyung/junho) because they're so cute!
And I'm not just choosing Junho cause they implicate my two favourite members from each group (okay maybe)

But because they share a queer relationship
I mean, seriously, who do you think dominates in the relationship if they were real? Both men with a competitive side, with no aegyo, passive resisters, liking to do things their own ways.
So...
Okay, maybe Seungho, since he's the weak old grandpa and has a soft heart cause he's a nice leader.
But Junhyung is the junior in the relationship!
Confusing, right? That's why it's fun and why I like reading Junho fics to see if the author allows which one to top. Heheh
I don't think there's really a name for SeunghoxJunhyung, and Junho is evidently from 2PM, and Seunghyung sounds like someone's name (maybe it is)
So it doesn't make sense and let's just stick to seunghoxjunhyung, shall we?
I love almost all the doo leader pairings!

First one on my list is 2Jun! Duh. I love these two because it's rare everytime that Joker becomes the one that's obedient and finally tamed. And Doo is a meanie, so Jun is always tricked and embarrassed hahahaha, they're both so tough and manly and I just... ARGH I LOVE 2JUN IT'S UNDESCRIBABLE.
Second is Doowoon! Leader and maknae are so adorable. Especially since maknae's so innocent (not) and he's so cute that Doo probably can't keep his hands off him. Hahaha.
Third, is Dooseung! Somehow that particular fic I read just hooked out my love for Dooseung and though it seems pretty weird, it's really awesome! Hahaha I love them seriously.)
And then there's Dooseob! Though I used to ship Dooseob when I first loved BEAST (and Doo), and they're still cute, I still can't take it lying down that Doo is snatching Seob from Jun because JUNSEOB IS REAL AND THEY WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
Dookwang is awkward.
To be serious, other than Giseung and Giwoon, I actually think Kwang is awkward with all the other pairings.

And I love Woon! Just that Woon is awkward with Hyunseung and Junhyung. Junwoon and Junkwang is awkward to the max, by the way.
And Hyunwoon (Dongseung?) is also funny, not because I haven't read anything about it, but it just... is funny. Somehow.
Jun is daebak with Doo and Seob. (hurhur my 2Jun and Junseob) and though there are plenty of Junseung (I used to ship Junseung for a while) but nothing fights my Junseob and 2Jun there are no words to say it.
Dongwoon is awesome with Doo and Kwang!
Seung is awesome with... Doo!

I told you Doo is awesome with everyone except for Kwang, since I can't even say Kwang fits WHOEVER except for Woon and Seung!
Just... bizarre.
t-t-troublemaker mubank debut was awesome! My seung was so cute, and they're not fondling each other so much anymore hahaha it's like incest I can't believe the both of them.
I wish Woon would come out as a unit group too! With Seobness, they would be soooo adorable! The two maknaes, kekekeke.

Junhyung should just sleep at home and get some rest, and only come out once that little betch does something to his ridiculous hair, or I won't forgive him.
I'm using the laptop and can probably type in Korean, but let's not showoff and leave some kpop fans with some pride.
매ㅐㅐㅐㅐㅐㅐ 롱~

Drunk Off Your Fragrance Today

2011-12-08T20:02:00.000-08:00

Have been updating my requests and feeling less guilty than I am, but I completed three and another two's coming in. I don't think they will ever end.
Hey, but I got pretty awesome subscriber numbers; so I'm contented with that.
I want to write on "I Remember" as well, considered Kai En's probably waiting for it, but I'm experiencing a writer's block right now.
Shall I continue letting them having sweet moments?

(even though I already wrote out the whole conflict matters that will come out at the back, shall I hook them up with a tasty teaser? hyahyahya)
And two, because Claire hasn't found the time to read it yet, and considered she's one of best and supportive readers that actually provide superb suggestions and comments, I will learn to respect her and wait for her to read this chapter and tell me how it is.

But of course, I don't have a flowing inspiration forcing me to write, so I can always wait.
It's a different thing, though, if the zoo decides to hire me and I'll probably be bushed out everyday even before coming back to update.
But I like tiring days. It beats coming back with nothing to do and loitering around, wasting my lfie away.
That sounded extremely poetic for some strange reason.
Am also going to JB later to do some shopping and having dinner with the awesome grandparents meheheheh
I'm an extremely filial granddaughter
(heh yeah right)

But then, I actually like going there to see them. My grandparents are such superb people.
I'm now unnecessarily worried about work day on Sunday, afraid that I'll screw something up, or that the attire is non satisfactory.
(apparently the supervisor is rather anal about stuff like that)
About the attire and all
as told from my sister's own experience.

I want to meet Lee Yunting it's been forever since I saw her pretty face and talked to her about the simple things in life; when time passes a lot faster than I think it should.
She does this to me~
Hahaha.
And I also wanna go out with Kelly to sing; oh and Jieyi and Kaien, the B2UTIES that I am glad to have made to spazz around with.
And it pretty much gives me consolation that all our biases are different, hehe.
For Jieyi, is DUH. Yoon Doobong the awesome father that can't help but be mean.
For Kaien, is our cutiepie main vocal; or visual maknae, Yang Yang Yang Yang Yoseob the endorphin!
For Kelly, it's our real maknae and our visual in charge, the foreigner with the beautiful falsetto, Son Namshin.
And for me, well.

This blog's like proof of my love for the ever dorky nagging mother with a cool little swag (no, swag overload) and coke lover, coolest rapper, Yong Junhyung. (or Yong Jaesoon hahahahah)
It's funny because 'Jaesoon eobseo' kind of means out of luck and unlucky, so it's like... hahahahahahahahaha it's funny if you get it though, because it's rude to make fun of people's name like that, and he gets made fun of like... uhm, regularly.
Maybe I should call him Yong Junsung as well (his brother's name) just like Yang Yang does. Hahahahahah.

So what happens to muscle idiot Kwang and our Prince prince Jang?
Huhu
I always have Claire, the forever Seung stan.
And me!
I love Seung. ♥ Chee~

Understatement.

2011-12-07T18:35:00.001-08:00

Uh, yes. I doubt anyone is even reading this right now except for perhaps @kaien and maybe @mary haha since she says she remembers my blog url.
HAY I RUV YOU GUISE!
Hahaha yes, the zoo called me! Woohoo my assessment day is on Sunday, which means even if I don't get the job I get thirty bucks first.
(what consolation is that for ANYTHING at all)
And posted a new chapter yesterday I was pretty proud of it and all; so I kept rereading it for like four times yesterday.

(yes I spazz over my own chapters like a stupid fangirl hehe what is this o.o)
But still I need to find the correct attire for my first work day
/cues grand music
They need an all black attire and so far I only got the bottoms. Hurhur. Where am I ever going to find stuff like that boohoo.
I really hope they hire me for real though.
I love being in customer service. So fun to hang out with people and meet awesome foreigners and pretty ladies.
(Mm yes my bisexual trait is coming back out kyaaa)

It's funny how everyone's like very against gays or lesbians or bis (myself in this case)
Okay, so maybe I'm not really bi.
I just like ogling at pretty girls. (which is pretty much the whole point in being bi)
and I like looking at girls dress themselves up to a hotness I can't even describe.
Well, definitely, I'm more inclined towards males.

Hu, whatnot with BEAST MBLAQ and 2AM all being male idol groups and Yoon Shi Yoon ♥ I managed to watch another episode of Me Too Flower and shit Lee Ji Ah is making me jealous cause they kissed arghhhh.
Huh, but I ship Jaehuixbongsun though they are shooo cute together.

Jo Maru, yes you, don't go and bother Bongsun anymore let her be with Jaehui. Quack.
Claire honey mentioned about Jaehyung (JaeshimxJunhyung) in the forum and I was smiling so widely I was afraid my face would rip or something.
That is so cute la haha to think of my fictional characters as an otp and shipping them.

Yes, I too, ship Jaehyung. (of course I have to, I'm the writer zzz)
And it suddenly dawned on me that I have left my one-shot request series to sleep in one corner and now as I'm typing I am absolutely overwhelmed with guilt huhu.
So I shall see if Mum lets me use the laptop/computer for a super long time today because I will have to work on those requests.
/hiding away from rotten eggs.

I am a lousy request writer, but I like it when the inspirations flow in yayhay.
And I miss writing/reading smut.
I need to write some good ol' smut to serve my perv mind. Hahaha yes.
I wonder if anyone knows that standard English doesn't have the word pervert. Or pervertic at that. I'm learning to not use it.
Hmm. I am a very professional writer as well.
Well, if Omma doesn't allow me to bond with my computer, guess I'll just have to go make friends with my dictionary.
It's a new learning experience everyday!

Huaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~
I am not socially awkward, I said. I just dislike crowds, but that doesn't matter, since I don't like you much anyways.
Uhh...
Yes.
Uhh...

Go and find the proper attire.
HEEE I AM UNNECESSARILY HYPED UP FOR MY WORK DAY SUNDAY COME QUICKLY!!!!~~~~
I need some massive money I want to buy WTBA DVD.
(Heck why I bother to buy when I can just go in March hahahahah okay I'm delusional)
What is this.
#WTBAatSG
I will need to trend this to make this worldwide so that Cube can actually see my inner wish.

Pants on fire.

2011-12-06T22:42:00.000-08:00

Got some pretty awesome suggestions from Claire darling, though personally I didn't quite understand which parts were too unconventional.
But I will keep improving, won't I?
I'm a hiphop modern swagger, eh?

Hahaha who am I kidding.
There are lesser and lesser people commenting! I think. Huk, there used to be a lot of people commenting, and then it just reduced in number now.
I am sad.
Not really.

I hope the zoo dude calls me man. I want the job badly uhuhuhuhuh.
Gikwang: (to Doojoon) Talk about your kiss. Your first kiss. Where, when, how, what, why.
Doojoon: What? They only said to 'talk about it'. Why are you making your own decisions.
Gikwang: Just because I'm the MC.

Doojoon: My first kiss was in college year two... (adds information)
Junhyung: Really? I remember you told me it was at some telephone booth when it was raining.
Dongwoon: Really? He told me otherwise...
Gikwang: Conclusion, our Doojoon shi has plenty of first kisses.
Doojoon: (taken aback) What are you talking about? Ya, Yong Junhyung. I'm going to expose you right now. I'll tell them your secrets.
Junhyung: (unnecessarily quiet and embarrassed)

Doojoon: The number of girls Yong Junhyung has dated, I can't even count them with my fingers. (brings hands up)
And toes (lifts feet up)
Junhyung: (tries to cover up his face)
Yoseob: Not even with teeth. (bares teeth)
Doojoon: (laughs) Yeah, not even with teeth.

Has anyone mentioned how crazy these kids are.
Oh, and Gikwang apparently watches porn. HAHAHAH not like it bothers me don't all guys watch porn?
You're abnormal if you don't.

Gikwang: So let's talk about which girl groups you admire.
Junhyung: (about to answer) For me...
No, no, no, wait. You guys are going to make me answer only right? Like the last time when they asked the question and I said Son Dambi sunbaenim and none of you even answered.
I'm not going to do it.
We all do it then. Doojoon starts.
Doojoon: Uh, for me it's our labelmates 4Minute!

(Everyone cheers)
Gikwang: Eh... Any other group but 4Minute!
Doojoon: Eh? Why, 4Minute is cool!
Gikwang: Yeah, but we'll be biased. Someone else.
Doojoon: Fine, why don't you say first.

Gikwang: For me I think this girl group is very cool and are talented (praises continuously) It's 2ne1.
Everyone: Ah~~
Gikwang: Well, Doojoon, your turn.
Doojoon: How can you say only 2NE1, there are so many other talented girl groups out there, and you say only 2NE1?
We all say all the girl groups are awesome, and you only like 2NE1?
(shakes head accusingly while other members are busy blaming Gikwang)
Doojoon: I still think 4Minute is the best!
Everyone: YEAH! 4Minute!
Gikwang: ... (speechless)

Kwang nim is a fool and Doo is a meanie, as usual. I wonder ever if Doojoon can be nice to his members without having to prank them for one day.
This boy is incredible.
I swear.

My bias list shuffles yet again, and I think Joker nim should claim his place soon!
For today, it's

1 Seob seob ness (Because I went to watch his Immortal Song stages again OTL I love love love With You Forever or Geudaewa yeongwonhi it's such a nice song it makes me want to be a great singer as well so touching)

2 Son Namshin (Nothing particular about this, but I've been reading alot about maknae, though I haven't watched him much lately, but omg I love you maknae, I never realised and I'm sorry about that boohoo)

3 Joker nim (reclaims top 3 even though he's not number one now, hehehe but it's all because I went to rewatch Fiction stages and I love him there, so here he is! /grand royal music playing in the background. When will I see you at number one again, honey?)

4 Yoon leader (Just because. Nah, because I watched the VIU video for like the nth time and I can't believe how crazy this man is and such a joke hahahahahhahahhahahahahahaha okay I'm mad like him. Jieyi, please control your husband keyi ma?)

5 Jang the Fabulous (Okay, I know he should be in top three cause of troublemaker, but I'll have to wait till Music Core comes back on and I get troublemaker overload before I push him back up again, okay. Wait patiently, my darling. And I need to buy the album sia)

6 Kwang nim (There is absolutely no surprise to this, so no surprise that I feel guilty about it. Huhu I love you my honey. It's just that...
I'm not a big Kwang swoon. Pfft but I love AJ. Any consolation?)

"Before we could be accepted by others, we first had to gain confidence in ourselves.
And we were reborn again under the name BEAST.
We grew from one to two to three members… and so on.
Now we are six… together with each other and with all of you.
Right now, this moment is the happiest for us.
To give a little something in return for the unconditional love you’ve always given to us,
We will perform as Beast and try to give you joy through our songs as long as we can.
Thank you.
We have everlasting love for all of you."

credits: thattroublemaker@tumblr; shared&re-upload by hyimnoni@alwaysbeast.wordpress.com

This was the Thank You video in UCC LONDON. (United Cube Concert) and I was so glad that the darling ot6 had been together.
They are not the recycled group, they are the group who have risen from the ashes of defeat and hold their heads up high in glory.
Because as compared to other groups' wins, their wins are so much more precious and cherished.
Because their wins were earned after all that pain and sadness, and they deserve so much more. BEAST, my forever ot6, don't ever break apart.
Go Go hwaiting~

Takes more than a smile.

2011-12-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I remember I used to like reading/writing smut but now I just skip them wholesale I wonder why. And I also wonder when my aunt is going to send me my Word file because I'm afraid I won't have any much time to update anymore.

Not to mention I probably have the whole plot of conflicts written down in my notebook so I can't wait to get to that part.
And so I still have to await patiently. And that seriously sucks.
Including the fact that the B2STRISING forum has some serious shit issues with my HTML I'm just lucky everyone skips to the new chapter and the whole foreword can be like there for fun.
(definitely not helpful for me when I need to PM people though)

And Kaien just finished I Remember in one hour
(reminds me that I don't even know it takes one hour to read a whole nineteen chapters of work/typing manzasxzas)
And that she liked it and she said it was an awesome storyline.

Okay so I said awesome she just said it was a good storyline zzzz.
And she asked me when was I going to update.
I like it when people ask me that. It just means my story's captivating enough to make them anticipate the next chapter mehehehe.
I am a successful writer in this case. I guess.
Am going for an interview at three pm and it's only two now.
If I were to go there alone I should technically be on the bus now, but umma says she's driving me there and so all is well.
I seriously hope my aunt's going to send me my file asap because I'm being rather rushed now and I WANT TO UPDATE

For the first time in like many days and weeks.
Because of Kaien. Hahaha she makes me wanna update.
(Probably a good thing for my readers, you guys have her to thank.)
But I should seriously care more about my grammatical errors
(not to mention that it totally doesn't help about the fact that I'm nothing but a lazybum and refuse to edit my work cause it's so annoying especially on the forum because I'm afraid I'll screw up the HTML. Again.)
It's not my fault. I'm supposed to be good with the HTML thing but this can't stop annoying me.
And then when I edit one error another one's bound to come out of nowhere again. It works like a vicious cycle.

And yet everytime I update I'm so excited I press publish even without considering about the errors and when I read it later I'm like
shit I'm acting like those lousy people out there with ridiculous English.
It never ends up as bad as that because if it did I would delete the whole freaking thing and write it all over again.

My tolerance for poor English is zero.
Intentionally or not. I mean I don't have the best English on Earth, but if you give me grammatical errors that are like... ugh, I can't take it.
It's always like that, wasteful good storylines with writers who have lousy language.
I don't even have the patience to read it anymore.
Hello, at least get your tenses right? Or abide the SVA? Or even to the extent of knowing that verbs should be in their root form after a 'to'?
I don't mind spelling errors if they aren't serious, but grammar is important.

I read "I Remember" with a ginormous ego yesterday and critiqued it like it wasn't my story, pointing out places where my words were too redundant and that I didn't bring the point across properly.
And being weirdly proud of myself for sounding like a pro con doctor haha.
I wonder if anyone REALLY cried reading my story. It would be a consolation to know they did. I didn't cry when I re-read though. That would be sorta dumb to know what you wrote and still get touched by it.
I normally tear up when I write though.
Sometimes my mind goes blank and the words come out themselves and I don't even consider what I wrote.
Until I go back and go like
Oh, so this is what I wrote? Interesting.

I have decided on conflict man.
This is going to be fun...

My Goodness my life.

2011-12-04T03:19:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday and I was at Johor/Batu Pahat yesterday with my aunt doing nothing in particular but typing fervently in her Word document and am waiting for her to send it to me just so I can update, you know.
And also waiting for unnie to reach Woodlands so I can go out and eat dinner how is that okay she took my headphones how am I going to get there what the shit.
And I'm back, okay.
I said she could take it if I haven't returned but I have, so...

I want to watch Me Too, Flower I'm only halfway of episode 6.
What is this.
Was watching the Taiwan drama yesterday till 4AM and hey it was rather awesome as well I might just finish it when I have the time.

Baby can't you see the look in my eyes?
Cry Cry is a pretty nice song and the MV is smokin' awesome I think Korean MVs are getting better and better and I will continue watching Korean MVs despite my constant distaste in the music.
Still have an interview on Monday and hopefully get to earn some money and be a good kid.
(Basically so I can get out of the place)

shall go eat dinner now love you homeys.

Keep on whistling, honey.

2011-12-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

Today is the first of December and JS HYUNA are finally out! The song was actually out at 12KST this morning. (which is like 11PM here in sunny Singapore) but the MV was out at 2PM KST!
Ohmygoodness Jang Hyunseung you sexay little...

I want to die why is Jang Hyunseung so fucking hot. I can't do anything about it! My BEAST bias list is reshuffling itself for no particular reason.
(Dongwoon is finally in the Top 3 for the first time in my life simply because he's an adorable little tyke in "Special" and I've ended up taking notice of him more and more.
Hahaha.

I have no particular thing against Kwang, but I think Kwang will never ever end up being in my Top 3 ever in my life.
Ever.
Because there are always more awesomer boys before him.
Lately, Jang is definitely number one because of Troublemaker! His hair is forever awesome I hope he never ever changes his hairstyle.
Second shall be our Son Namshin, and third our most embarrassing leader Yoon Doodoo~

(I am so sorry Joker I am so sorry so sorry so sorry I wonder how many times do I have to say it to gain your forgiveness I am so guilty)
I'm sure as long as you cut your hair back to when it was really really pretty and you stop wearing that annoying pair of leopard spotted sunglasses to awards ceremonies I will pull you back up to number one.

(Because I just have a weak spot for you there's no explanation to that even.)
But now I'm looking at a few JS photos in the Troublemaker album and I'm falling in deep again how can someone look so perfectly handsome omg Hyunseung I want to kiss you ehehehehehe.
Joker nim when will you sweep me off my feet again.

Have wrote another fanfic for Claire (I've been making this girl pretty happy lately, considered we've been very down about the 2hyun kiss, boohoo)
so when will someone write one for me, kehuhuhuhuh.
I need to spam some Son Namshin I love you little boy you are my honey bun sugar plum.
I love HyunA too, but I would prefer if she doesn't touch my Hyunseung too much, you know. I have an unbelievable amount of dominance over people.
What is mine, stays mine.
But heck, HyunA you so hot I want to marry you.

Don't you think I'm bi?
I think I am leh, slightly. I love girls sometimes. When they're hot. A little like Tiffany hahahahahaha okay no, she's more bi than I am.
And HyunA has an unbelievable amount of lipstick on her lips for this whole sexy concept thing kekehehe.
I'm trying my best to refrain myself from downloading the whole Troublemaker album because I will have to buy it there is nothing stopping me!!!!!!
And I have an interview at the zoo on Monday at 3PM, so I hope I get it and get some kaching to buy this nonsense.
sad fangirl life.
And I need to save lotsa money I think there's WTBA concert on 3March 2012 and I am going to queue up for tickets/watch it with Kelly and Jieyi, most likely.
(Not unnie, unless she pays for her own ticket, and she wants to even watch in the first place)

We swore to buy the most expensive one.
(Isn't that the moshpit one that we all have to stand? Ohno means me have to buy B2ST towels and lightsticks and queue up fucking early for merchandise, because jajan we are in Singapore. Yeap.
Unless I don't want to buy it, or have no money to buy it hahahah what am I thinking.
As I'm typing I'm feeling just excited thinking about it. When it isn't even confirmed hahaha what is wrong with me.
Chalet was pretty boring, and Choir dinner was simply fun because I talked to the older seniors (the pohseng gladwin beiying carey mingzhen siewmun bunch)
Oh my goodness I missed them so much!
Even though the other juniors don't really know them.

I've been with them for a whole two years and I adore them la there are no words for that manzssxasasas.
Conclusion of the day: HyunA is a fuckin hot bitch and I would bring her home if I could OMG. I love her as her, but I don't like it when her hands swim on Seungie's body it's not right for siblings to do that hukhuk T.T
I love the seniors I can't even say how much I miss them!
Argh~

Okay shall go and brainstorm about my following storyline.
Hyahyahya.
TROUBLEMAKER I LOVE YOU GUYS You shall be my best group on Earth for today and I'll just push Beast off the edge just today~

Out of nothing at all.

2011-11-30T01:44:00.000-08:00

Have been around everywhere lately. Chalet, MAMA, going to Choir dinner tonight!
Which doesn't really explain why I'm blogging in the Woodlands Library right now. Hahahaha ^^
Was quite upset yesterday watching MAMA, because Mister Jang Hyunseung went ahead to kiss HyunA at the side of the lips
(Yes they kissed but not lips to lips so I have no words for that o.o)
And the fact that BEAST only won one award (Best Dance Performance which they totally deserve because Fiction is the daebak Penguin Dance/Cold City Man Dance hehehehehhhehehe)

But they won Best Artist at Melon so I'm going to forget about MAMA screw you.
Chalet was pretty boring at night so I went to sleep at 4AM, kekkekeke.
And came back home just to watch MAMA with Mary.

(Shall not continue on my ranting about some people winning some awards so I sleep bzzzz)
And then I'm going for Choir dinner I wonder why I'm sort of anticipating it.
Had plenty of inspiration for an upcoming Hyunseung fic to balance out my mentality after the kiss.
hehehehehe someone's gonna get a wonderful surprise.
Life is awesome I shall borrow some books to read at home. And this computer has seriously lousy spacebar I cannot press properly.
\BYEYEOM~

sniff sniff then I cry cry.

2011-11-27T03:24:00.001-08:00

I am extremely apologetic for causing massive giganto confict between Doo doo leader and Joker nim in the latest chapter.

(but I shan't be repentant cause if I were I'll have to delete the nu chapter and that's a giganto-er nono. Not when Omma has been extremely kind enough to allow me to sit before a computer and write it all in one go without having to nag at me every four minutes about leaving the screen)

Psssh, why is everyone coming to Singapore nao?
MNET's not even tomorrow.

Because thinking about it gotta make me a tragic girl who can't go there and is has to stay at home to stare at their beautiful pores until I burn a hole in their faces with my laser eyes through the screen.

Alas, but apparently many Kpop people is love Singapore so much they want to come here and eat pandan cake and laksa and chicken rice and shoot why am I suddenly hungry idiot ahfoihoifhwenf
Is have to wait for unnie to come back hehe.

ifowiefobfacna Claire wae you doing this to me I die naoo. Ahehehe but I want my dosage of Junhyung I've been too watery with stuff lately.
Nothing nothing nothing occupied in my brain now I don't need to think.
Don't need to think about studies, exams, blah.
Okay maybe the fact that I need to find a jobz and the man is find me tomorrow geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Not even listening to music lately anymore cause I is almost never leave house for one second I don't find the need to listen to it.
Oh except for Dreaming, and Joker ahhhhh, why this time your rap quite easy to do huh conquered it in five minutes.
Goo who knows might be because my Korean reading speed is improving kehehehehe.
What is this. o.0

Life is life is life is life is life is life is life is life is life is life is life
(Guess this goes to show how awesome my life is I love my life I want to go overseas I want to go to Australia to Korea to France to anywhere and everywhere but I really just love Singapore and I'm acting like a Jang now my life...)

DAEBAK.

~

Figured me should not be posting so many new posts in one day hehehe so I'll just continue waza everyone at home is zzz-ing or at least about to zzz-ing and I need to go to sleep simply because I'm experiencing lack of sleep and my eyes are losing to gravity.

I am surprising not hyped up for chalet tomorrow cause I guess I'll just go there and drink some alcohol and play some cards and come back home to watch MAMA.
why am I more excited about having the sleepover with Mary and perhaps Joyce ugh I hate twitter it so slow I wanna have new phone and tweetdeck bzzz.

Am so excited about many new things but not those things I'm supposed to be excited about. About Trouble Maker, about Claire's fic dedication for me (OTL SCREAMING IN MY HEAD FOREVERZ) and mainly just Troublemaker what is wrong wiz me.

:p ehy darlingz nobody is reading this but life is a pretty thing.
The Shandong douchehead on teevee is really pissin' me off with that fucked up accent he has what is this.
Troublemaker please come back I love you to death please please please.
Jang, please. Please. With a cherry on top and whipped cream.
I love you so much I could hug you to sleep and shower you with beautiful kisses. But before that, I'll have to kidnap you first.

Hahahahahahah o.o
Joker-ah, it's okay. You know I won't forget you, you know that, right?
/pats Junnie softly on the back
Oh, what's that? You need proof? Awwwww~
/kisses Junnie on the cheek

teehee I told you I'm delusional everyone don't come near.
What, what, MAMA's red carpet is a whole friggin' two hours? Hell why I want wait so long when I just want to see like five minutes of BEAST walk past with their swag, jump around the house with excitement, anticipate Junnie almost tripping over his own legs (or something embarrassing, as usual) and scream till ma sister's eardrums explode themselves within.
Then perhaps (hopefully) YELL LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW WHEN BEAST DARLINGS ♥ WIN BEST MALE GROUP.
And (hopefully again) they will cry tears of joy what is watching BEAST cry on a super clear plasma teevee you can see the water droplets drip by drip.

And then doing an annoying fanchant in the evening when Fiction and the other don't know what song plays like there's nobody at home when my mum'll probably just push my head and say something mean again.
I heard they're doing a special stage of some sort.

anticipation is not comprehensive enough for my joy
wonder why I'm feeling like this when I can't even go and watch it live zzz but what's so good about live, seeing them ant-sized and all.
Rather stay at home and got Chinese commentary (okay I bet it will sound rather disgusting) and look at them bow and whisper sweet little nothings into each other's ears.

If they win Best Male Group, I swear I swear I will do a Fiction victory dance in my living room with no one but the ot6 in mind with Mary and spam BEAST like there's no tomorrow in the middle of the night.
Life is a wonderful thing.
A coming interview for a job
A chance to look at the ot6 up close on teevee and listen to their angelic voices through my sound system
A sleepover with Mary
Oh, right and a chalet with the darling fourthree kids!

heh why is it in the last position.
I is a happy Junseob, Junseung, 2JUN shipper they should srzly have 2JUNSEUNGSEOB ORZ. No doubt.
Sexiest couples on earth.
And Dongwoon namshin I love you I love you I love you so much lately I don't even know why maybe because you're a cute little tyke in my new fic hehehehehe I love you so much.
And Pabo Kwang kwang I love Jo Ma Ru and though I am neutral with you I love Maru so much so much so much and pleeeease don't attempt to attack ysy anymore.
Swear.

And Shiyoon honey, don't keep perving on Kwanggi's muscles ewww.
And I suddenly feel sad about Doodoo and Seobs I love seobs why am I doing this to you I love you for posting Jang's muscles I love you you're so adorable.
I shall reignite ot6 love on the 29th no doubt and the B2UTY fire burns again.

2AM, when will you comeback and let me do that for you? ♥.♥
Love my Kwon kwon I can't ever lose you from my hands I need to give you a big sloppy kiss muaxccccckkkk.

I am officially turning into a Jang ohno my life is ruined.

Promise me you won't leave me alone.

2011-11-26T23:29:00.000-08:00

Some sexay MBLEAST-ness.
My eyes are closing soon basically because I slept at four thirty am yesterday morning being extremely absorbed in my fanfic reading.
And waking up at ten in the morning due to a killin' stomachache and it's still churning.
I hate being sick when I have interesting things to do a few days later

(Oh by the way tell me what's with our cute Peroro Hyunseung with his adorable geek specs lately; he looked like cute Joker with specs as well Hyunseungah I can't. I have a feeling Joker's feeling more and more betrayed by the day as you grow hotter and stylish-er! And @helloimys is really not helping by posting a tweetpic of Jang's abs/muscles and perfectly sculpted body I have the urge to move my fingers across the smooth skin and...)

Eww okay this is turning rated; but Jang, I underestimated you.
/shakes head
I realised I should never do that for you.
Have been having this really annoying stomachache that's taking half my life away. I re read my fanfic and I realised I've been hanging at a really mean cliffhanger, but for now I still can't figure out what I should write about Doojoon.

Conflict man should appear soon.
But I need to have happy moments as well.
What is this.
Argghhhh inspiration you want to come back to me? I can't think properly now so I'm using this blog to at least sort out my thoughts and my flow of writing and it's apparently not working much huh.
Read this new MBLEAST fanfic I found (the main reason why I'm still yawning right here) and it's really interesting only I figured it's getting a little draggy from now.
But the way she portrays the characters and the way they talk is waaaaaay too cute hahah.

But oh well.
I seriously need to do some hardcore updating. I'm feeling so guilty about it it doesn't even make sense.
And I just remembered that I could've just found my awesome uncle to get me a part time job instead of staying at home rotting for the past few weeks.
Well, we all need a break, eh?
I want to watch Me Too, Flower; but there are now much crucial things on my mind I shall have to finish.
To surprise (:

If I Had Wings.

2011-11-26T00:42:00.000-08:00

Hello~
Wonder why am I still here, hehehe ^^
I might have to go for an interview next week, and that person will contact me on Monday!
Subway ♥
Hehehehehehehe~
I need to get money to buy Trouble Maker and the Welcome to BEAST Airline concert photobook kyahaha.
That's why I have to earn more money hya~
But the concert photobook is really expensive it's like $45.80 or something. And then Trouble Maker anyone doing preorder anot huh.
I want to buy leh.

I want my Hyunseung. Has anyone seen how fking hot his body is omgomgomg Imma die soon what is this.
Abs @.@
Why can't Jokernim ever do that hukhuk his body is a precious thing. It belongs to his fans, which kind of means me hahahaha (:
why so ke ai.
And Jang ah you look so hot in the teaser I shall spam the TM MV when it comes out so that I can make you top youtube haha yeah right.
If I am working for Subway have to go to CCK. (okay anywhere is better than AMK I don't ever want to go back there although I will have to okay)
It's not like I hate Anderson; I love Anderson.

But when you've reached it everyday for four years, you'll dread it.
I dread it.
When O Level results come back Imma make my Appa drive me there.
That's that.
Uhm okay let me go and watch the TM teaser on Mubank again for the seventh time why is it only eleven seconds.
And cube why so mysterious; there isn't even a small teaser to let us hear the song.

I am somehow rather dubious of the ballad they claim they will include.
I have no doubt as to my jang's vocals, but Hyuna...
Huk. Let's just leave it like that okay.
But Jang, because of you, you're making me feel very excited lately. I love you. I hate the fact that you're always so under rated in BEAST just because you don't talk much
(doesn't really hide the fact that you're extremely 4D though wonder why)
But now it's your turn to shine!

When will Son Namshin's turn come hukhukhuk
Joker has been out on screen too frequently. Ah, but not like I mind heehee.

Pink Chicken.

2011-11-25T02:37:00.000-08:00

Ahaya.
Me Too, Flower is at episode 6 now in Korea and I'm only at episode four kehehe.
I AM SO HAPPY FOR THE BOYS I SHALL DEVOTE THIS PERFECT POST FOR MY DARLINGS.
Yesterday my darling B2ST dorks won the "Best Artist Of The Year" award and I'm so proud of them.
It's a Daesang and seriously nobody wins it so easily, hell they pwned 2NE1 and Bigbang leh I'm so proud. (:

Me is a happy B2UTY!
Because these boys have risen from the ashes of the 'recycled' group to one of the best artists in the industry, and now, the best artist in the year 2011.

What makes me even happier is the fact that they won with "Biga oneun nareun" and not "Fiction". Not like I don't like Fiction, but I actually think it's a feat for dancing idols like BEAST to win hands down with a ballad.
So proud, so proud.
And then I'm also very proud of my Korean standard for watching the Boom the Kpop United Cube in Japan backstage; without subs. And being able to understand at least 3/4 of what it was talking about.

Mehehehe (okay partially also because they had a little bit of subs beneath la huh I can't decipher if they speak too fast)
I am so proud so proud and Yong Junhyung's intro for the Melon Awards was so burning hot I feel like I can watch it continuously for five days.
How did they even persuade the dork to run around holding that heavy-looking gun for at least a few minutes when he absolutely loathes exercising; no, even moving around unnecessarily.
I applaud MMA's patience in persuading.
But...
Why Mister Yong? Why not Godwoon who actually looks like he's more suitable for a role like that hehehehe.
Nah, Yoon leader wouldn't look nice.

Why, cause he has got attitude?
Looks like a refuge?
Hahaha ^^
Don't worry Yong ah I still love you~
Oh and I am totally anticipating "Troublemaker" to come! JS and HyunA.
hahah (JS is really Prince Jang I wonder how he even came up with an alias like that it's so... not suitable for him he should be called Prince or something. Or Beauty)

But, seriously, HyunA?
Hello, I'll rather have GNa kay.
But I is going to buy the album on 1Dec anyway for the sake of my Jangjang he's so hot I can't even...
Hella yeah.

CongratulationsB2ST!
Love you guys till the rocks die.

Pretty much like happiness.

2011-11-23T05:51:00.000-08:00

It gives me a little consolation to know that I am rather proficient in my Korean than many other so called deep kpop fans.
A leetle consolation.
But I said that I'm getting really tired of the kpop news around here. Don't they have anything more interesting anymore.
I still enjoy Korean music though, and the language, and the culture. And of course, BEAST, 2AM, MBLAQ.
No other words.

That's just it.
I need to write a new one-shot. Who have I not written of before?
Hmmm.
Let me think.

Yoon Leader.Son Namshin.Endorphin Yang.Pabo Kwang.Prince Jang
Too many Junhyung in my fanfictions hahahaha :D
I think readers will get tired sooner or later.
I've done Prince Jang before.
Only one Yoon Leader; for someone else.

A lot of Son Namshin's. For other people.
Endorphin Yang. A few. But mainly fluff.
Pabo Kwang. Quite a few. Mainly smut lol ==
BUT I LOVE YOU PRINCE JANG CAN I WRITE ONE ABOUT YOU?
hehehehe ^^

I might just write a story with all five of you mehehehehe.
When I have the idea eh. Somehow la.
I lack inspiration somehow.

Bzzzzzz.
Need to start now!
♥

Stay tuned, darlings who are still... uhm... reading this.

That night to remember.

2011-11-21T05:57:00.000-08:00

So... Prom is over. And I'm not happy about it because it was pretty awesome. (the food was just average though, so not $85 worth...)
It's like normal food.
Gah what was I expecting some awesome sashimi or something? Yeahheh they only had smoked salmon == which I do not like very much.

But it was pretty cool and we did the performance.
I think I sounded okay live but when I watch the video again I cringe. Something like
oooooo so I sound like that?
But then, I didn't really know what I was doing; deciding whether to sing the falsetto or not.
But I'm still happy :D

Been doing nothing but acting like a pigz at home; sleeping and eating and going out to eat, which is pretty much the same thing.
But I is want to work and I will have to find a job asap.
Even people like @gracepng going overseas also work sia.
And her family so rich still I am guilty.
I have buy unnie's headphones anyways wad.

(And I wonder since when I'm so nice)
And perhaps become a different person and buy some pretty dresses hahah who am I kidding sial.
My mother will be the happiest person ever though I think I only have like 3 dresses or something.
It isn't that I don't like wearing them, but I just wear them at different occasions.
Am in a dilemma if I should attend 2/5 or 4/3's chalet!
I really wanna go both, but I really miss the 2/5 darlings like Yunting and the jiemeis and Jaymond and Chester and Mingyang and... etc.
Sigh.

Then for 4/3 ah...
I miss them la, but not really as much as the twofive people.
We have this... queer bond.
HAHA :)
And I is have to attend the chalet that my mum's friends have. I hate potluck though.
So annoying. But if I don't have to do anything and I only get to eat, I don't mind lalallalalalal~
Waza and choir camp!
Those little kids are inviting me back to have dinner and that kind of clashes with 4/3's days. Aiyah let's just see how it goes.
I really wanna go back for and.choir though.

I miss those kids so much ehehehehehe.
And singing with Chan Hsin as well!
Ah ♥
I wanna wait for unnie to come home so I can use her phone to watch Hello Baby ehehehe
You know how people watch the variety shows of idols and just love them.
(Like for 2AM BEAST and MBLAQ)
But I don't feel that way for SHINee I simply watch it for cutie Yoogeunie hahah and Onew he's so freaking awesome I love this boy hahaha.
AND I DISLIKE JONGHYUN WHATEVER.
He's acting like a G.O. but I love G.O. what is this.

I am biased.
And I'm getting tired of kpop but not BEAST or 2AM or MBLAQ or korean music. Just... so tired out by those loser groups that come out of nowhere and those useless groups who are complimented to the skies when they're just over rated.
There.

Yoon Shi Yoon ♥
Me too, flower why so long then got subs now only got episode one I cry

Nado, kkot!

2011-11-19T06:22:00.000-08:00

Starting to watch the new show that Kwangie is in
(not sure if it's for the sake of Kwang, but I know for sure that I started to know about it because of him...)
And although Kwang appears quite frequently, I have a feeling I'm watching it more and more because of Yoon Shi Yoon hehehehe.

So cute!!
(No la, it's a different territory manzsxcz it's not the idol group category)
But Yoon Shi Yoon is really cute and adorable. Cannot be called handsome la, but he reaaaally looks like Baro for no particular reason.
And the girl is really pretty; I forgot her name again. Seo... Jae... Something.
Hya, but Jo Ma Ru is really cute!

And the fact that Kwangie is the poster on the wall of Patrol Officer Cha Bong Sun's house is really really amusing.
hahaha.
Somehow hoping that the boys may go in for a short cameo, but I'm just wishing who am I kidding.
And then I heard there's Nichkhun I think.
Not like I'm interested in him la huh.

It's funny how the other boys never really act except for Kwangie and Dujun-ah.
And the funnier thing is Yong Junhyung is actually the best actor out of all six. (Okay I don't know about Yoseobbie, but I've heard and seen Son Dongdong and Prince Jang's acting hahaha)
And I totally need to catch up on All My Love because even Jieyi is watching more than me hahaha what is this.

Had this really scary dream that night that I got back my O Level results and I only got two A1s which are like Geography and Combined Humanities.
And the other rest are like B3s and C5s it was really scary I think I woke up in cold sweat I didn't know what to do.
Woah if it really happens...

Kill me.
I swear.

I wanna watch Flower Boy Ramyeon Shop but I don't have the time for that because I need to watch alot of other things and I don't exactly have a laptop/computer to myself to do all that.
So sad.
And there are a lot of things I cannot watch with a phone.

Life sucks. When I have a lot of money, I'll first buy a really good pair of headphones for Unnie because I can't bear to look at her use her pathetic earphones/earpieces and complaining about them all the time.
I don't know what to buy for Umma so that's just that for a while.
And I will buy myself a nice and pretty laptop/netbook when I have all the money for that and use it all the time.
I really like it mehehehe.

The idea of one.
Then I can write and watch videos anywhere with wifi, ah that would be life.
Now, I have to go before my mum comes haunting me, but let me finish this episode of "Me Too, Flower" first!!
Hehehehe.

Yoon Shi Yoon ♥
Grace Png had better not snatch him. Be contented with Jung Il Woo tyvm.
I need to watch 49 days too but I heard it's a really heavy show. As in the emotions. Sigh show more show that are casual and happy la can.

Fly like me.

2011-11-16T02:59:00.000-08:00

And today I'm a free person because all my papers are over and the next thing I'm looking forward to is prom!
I wonder why; considered I'm normally not a person who overreacts at stuff like that, but since everyone's so anticipating it I figured I should too.

I feel so mean for hanging my readers in the air with my lousy cliffhanger and the fact that Jaeshim can no longer remember Junhyung...

And it breaks my heart too
(my real otp is really junhyungxjaeshim hahaha like real)
But I figured out that it must be a little sad to be really romantic at the back... I think.
I have a rough idea about what to include in the story but I'm afraid it'll be similar to this movie I've watched before
(My inspiration gotten from that)

Of course there are things that are similar somewhere; but things will change a little later.
I have no idea exactly how long do I want "I Remember" to go, but I have a rather different storyline in my mind now I'm not sure if I should start or what.
And I have the temptation to write more one-shots because they give me an unmeasurable amount of satisfaction I can't even.

Even though it takes a long time to write it and all, but I feel happy, writing about something in one whole go and looking like a compo.
(doesn't make sense, but I'm eccentric, zzz)

Should be enjoying my days by watching shows or something but all I'm doing is going out and buying random stuff
(heck I love beanies I'm going to buy DAISO's beanies; all of them, one fine day)

I want to buy the pretty kind with cute fluffy things dangling from the hat. Argh so ke ai!
Omma says it's the kind of stuff you buy when you go to somewhere cold.
I beg to differ.

My English is horrible lately my vocab is so limited I can't even type like two paragraphs without using the same word twice.
I'm so looking forward to prom and looking like a dude that everyone loves.
hahaha.

Not like I don't feel jealous of those people wearing dresses, but I guess I'll get the chance some other time eh?
For my outfit I can wear it whenever I like; that's why it's definitely not a waste of money!
(I'm glad I think of it that way!)

Now that I'm finally free, omma still doesn't like the idea of me before the computer
(heck, how the hell am I going to update otherwise?)

I will get the next chapter done by either tomorrow or Friday, so to all lovely people/readers still reading this ridiculous blog, please anticipate!
While I go and search for my inspiration and used-to-be-okay English vocab.

The Wait.

2011-11-14T04:52:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is officially my last day and I can FINALLY go back to doing some hardcore updating and writing a story that has been in my mind for a while.
I still have to repeat that I've been letting Junhyung and etc. run conversations in my mind and talking to each other.
Which I probably am going to forget when I actually DO update...
Heh. It's a weird thing.

And that my mind whirls with ideas that are fast forwarded to like 4 chapters later I figure I should cut to the chase and create the sad and agonising moments quickly before I forget my storylines.
Mehehe.

GOT THIS (ASK ANYTHING) thingie from Claire darling's tumblr (yeah haha I don't have one but I stalk people on it they have really pretty pictures I am tempted, but blogger still works best for me cause it's the only HTML thing I can handle.
Usual com noob on, duh)

Height: 161cm (and I believe that I am more than that but apparently the height measurer does not second that)

Shoe Size: 9 (giant feet, I know)

Sexual Orientation: Uhm... Hahah STRAIGHT? okay maybe I'm bi, just a leeeeetle.

Do you Smoke? Smokers. I hate them for life. Even if they're my friends.

Do you Drink? Ahahaha. No, not really.

Do you Take Drugs? That's funny. No, really, I'll rather take drugs than smoke though (not like it's anything better hehe)

Age you get mistaken for: older than my sister? It's not cause I look haggard la; it's cause she's short and all.

Have Tattoos? Mehehehe nope.

Want any tattoos? DUH HELL YEAH I WANT ON MY WRIST.

Got any Piercings? Ear lobes? Hahahahahaha.

Want any piercings? Not... really. No. Not as much as tattoos.

Best friend? JOYCE KOH SI MIN AND THE JIEMEIS WHO HAVEN'T BEEN TALKING MUCH TO ME BUT I'M LEAVING THAT AS THAT. AND SIMA AND CHERYL AND MARY!!!~

Relationship status: Single. Duh, I'm sad no one likes me~

Biggest turn ons: LOUD MUSIC. And chocolates. Or anything sweet.

Biggest turn offs: Bad breath.

Favorite Movie: Harry Potter? Hahaha or many more. Pirates of the Caribbean!

I’ll love you if: You can sing well and funny and truthful.

Someone you miss: Grace Png and Jie Yi just yesterday night for no particular reason.

Most traumatic experience: I... Don't really remember hmmm.

A fact about your personality: I'm... honest. Very very very honest, and sarcastic. Oh wait that's two facts. Oh well.

What I hate most about myself: I'm... too honest; and not pretty.

What I love most about myself: This is tough. Okay, shall I be thick-skinned? Hahaha. What I love most? My voice. HAHAHHAH SO THICKSKINNED. okay my SINGING voice.

What I want to be when I get older: A novelist/singer!
Okay, let's be realistic. I'm going to be a translator/language teacher.

My relationship with my sibling(s): Awesome! My sister loves me (sometimes, when we're not busy tearing each others' hair away) and I love her! (not most of the time too)

My relationship with my parents: It's just... average. But I really miss my dad lately. I love my mum when she's not being cranky or angry.

My idea of a perfect date: Watching the stars? Hahah so romantic. But just... a simple dinner, simple music, star-gazing and a perfect kiss~ WUHAHAHAHA.

My biggest pet peeves: People eating with this really annoying sound that makes them sound like they're eating faeces. Like nyamnyamnyam and you can hear the saliva mixing with the food (ain't my fault my hearing is awesome)

A description of the girl/boy I like: Nice hair, pretty smile, slightly meaty, humorous, talented (okay I'm just describing seungho/junhyung right haha)

A description of the person I dislike the most: Whore. (no need for other words)

A reason I’ve lied to a friend: Trying to be nice to them and looking out for their feelings. Or sometimes pranking them.

What I hate the most about school: Waking up early in the mornings.

What my last text message says: "Umm, okay. But I think tomorrow then I ask bah. :)" by Mary on coming to my place tomorrow :D sweetheart!

What words upset me the most: Most words upset me. That I'm mean, or that I'm useless and all negative things (I'm an extremely sensitive person I know)

What words make me the best about myself: Great voice? Then I'll have this shiny aura hahha

A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: I don't wish on 11:11. I don't believe in that; because you can wish once a day, which makes it not a rare wish. Doesn't make sense.

What I find attractive in girls: That they can just smile and make a dude swoon (which is okay for a guy too)

Where I would like to live: I know everyone's gonna say Korea, but... yes, maybe that, but I want to go live in Australia. For fun.

One of my insecurities. That I'm not popular enough and that isn't an insecurity but it's true.

My childhood career choice. A cashier. (hahhahahah my mum's reaction to this was epic as well)

My favorite ice cream. Strawberry Cheesecake from Ben and Jerry's.

Who I wish I could be. Uh... Barack Obama? Hahaha.

Where I want to be right now. In BEAST's dorm and hanging out with people.

The last thing I ate. Double Mcspicy burger (which explains why I'm not eating dinner today)

Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately. Yong Junhyung. And then after that Yang Seungho.

Okay, I'm done. I shall go and read my bio textbook and sleep so I can go school tomorrow. Life's good. Go Go Go cut hair come back to paint my nails.
A random fact about anything

You Don't Have To Cry; ulji mara yo~

2011-11-11T20:46:00.000-08:00

#nowplaying (in my head): Propose by Noel

Yesterday was filled with neopets day; when I should've been updating or whatnot. (which reminds me that I seriously feel like updating today, but I should be studying for Chem and blah)

The major papers are aaaaaaaaall gone and though I think Higher Chinese was a disaster; I'm going to leave it as that, because for the first time in my life I actually didn't know what I was writing in the comprehension.
*claps*

When comprehension is apparently supposed to be the component that will pull me up or something.
Bye bye byebye to A1 for Amaths and Chinese bye bye bye.
But I'm trying not to be bothered about it, because it's over.

Nothing's over, nothing's over~

I had a good fanfic idea in my head awhile ago but then it wasn't a very fresh topic to write about so I decided to forget about it.

I actually want "I Remember" to fast forward to like so much more cause I already have the plot in my mind and dying to write it, but for someone like me; I somehow become more efficient when I just write the story line for the chapter there and then.
Weird eh.

It's funny how I'm probably the only kpop fan in this whole world who doesn't actually like Super Junior. It bugs me a little; but I'm fine with it.
I mean, hey, different people have different preferences right?
And for one; I don't like massively large groups like nine-member SNSD or ZEA or ten (or twelve)-member Super Junior.
Which reminds me why I absolutely irk AKB48.
(Okay that's into J-pop already)

I don't know. I like smaller groups.
(not exactly like BEAST is a small group, but as compared to the others, yeah they're small alright)

I like four-member group 2AM for their sleek vocals and being able to pull off any single song with their beautiful voices; which is just so rare in this industry because everyone else gets themselves in the spotlight with pretty faces and bad headlines etc. Talent is so hard to find, and you can see it all in 2AM.
(ah I miss my boyzz)
I like six-member group BEAST for their dorky personalities (plus their handsome faces) and the fact that although they're handsome and all, they can sing really well and dance and have funny gags. I like BEAST because they understand their fans and do all they can to make us happy.
(such pure and sincere boyzz, except for low-fanservice Mister Yong Junhyung)
I like five-member group MBLAQ for their so-called chic styles when they're all just neighbourhood fools with unimaginable infectious laughter and having talented people such as vocal G.O. Yang Chopin (who seems to be able to do anything), rapping cute Mir and 4D doongdoong, and of course, our honey abs Lee Joon ssi lovely~
(Funny asses)

But tell me why I really dislike other groups, just because they have lousy fandoms. I mean, I understand if you want your idols to win competitions and awards and all, and when someone else wins, I clap for them, even though I don't think they deserve them.
I don't bash them up on their twitter or UFOtown or their me2day or minihompy.
Because you're a lousy fan if you don't trust your own idols enough to think that they will have the ability to win the next award.
I didn't go to scold the sones when they were battling on the music charts with 2AM. Yes, I nag a little about it; but I wasn't planning on scolding or criticising them.
What is wrong with you people and your views really?

I really don't hate SNSD, but they have really annoying and extreme sones (not all of them, of course, most are nice)
But I've had poor experience with other sones, and I understand if you want to protect them, but not to the extent of scolding others right?
It's because of the Dream Concert event this year that reminded me about it.
That there were actually antis who wanted to not cheer for BEAST darlings and turn off their lightsticks; because their lightstick colours clashed with some other groups~
What nonsense is that?

It's not even the boys' fault you know.
I'm thankful that it didn't happen, unlike for SNSD, and I'm sorry that it happened to them even if I don't admire them.
But really, antis...

Get a life.

To make some noise

2011-11-09T01:50:00.000-08:00

I should technically be doing angela's fic now, but I was thinking of who to write and I'm experiencing a lack of sleep now so I have no idea what I'm doing.
Human geography except for the fact that I didn't study development and didn't really have a wide variety of questions to choose from
(I HAD to do the rest of the two which didn't have development...)
Oh well.
I really need to sleep now; but I also have to finish the Chinese paper that Mr Tay insisted we do. Maybe I should do it after I wake up or something.
Imma look like Panda Yang soon what is this.

Really, is it true that after you watch Idol Army you fall mad in love with Seungho? I don't know; but this boy has a fucking nice smile.
And he's a bully with a grandpa laugh (:
Hmm but I think I liked him cause of Sesame Player aza is that supposed to be like that?
Okay so fine, I'm attracted to Yang Seungho; that doesn't mean I'm going to let go of my Joker-nim just like that.

He's mine. No wait wait.
I'm his.
D'awwwwwwww~

I LOVE YOU JUNHYUNGAH be good friends with your Seungho hyung okay?
Especially since you both come from the same school and all; and he's only like two years older than you.
Oh but oh well everyone seems to have good relationships with each other.
And Yong Junhyung is a traitor for having Goo Hara. That's out of the point.
But yes, I should be either sleeping or doing Chinese now; not sitting here trying to write/read fanfics or joining the MBLAQ international forum.

(which I already am in, so...)

Cha there's something wrong with me; I loved BEAST for so long and I haven't had a B2STRISING until like a while ago; and Yang Seungho dominates my mind for like a month and I'm joining?
GAH I don't want to be like @joycekoh
Which I seriously doubt I will be...
But no, I'm not a true A+.
I'm just a Yang Chopin fan!
Yayhay.

But I AM a B2UTY. That's the truth though. And it hurts, most of the time.
Apologies, MBLAQ. I will compensate you some other time when I don't feel so fickle anymore.
AND YES, IU I AM WAITING FOR YOUR RETURN.

hyahya.

Make it a five-shot PART THREE

2011-11-07T20:03:00.000-08:00

Felt like I had to do this because she is having her history exam today (even though it's apparently over) but here it is. Sorry if it's not too good, I was trying out a new style of writing...
Cha.

Afraid
For Kaien

The wind billowed and howled in the night, as Kaien rested her chin on her knees, staring blankly at the computer screen, totally absorbed in watching.
"What are you doing?~" Yoseob asked, winding his arms around her neck and staring intently at what she was viewing.
"Nothing" she answered nonchalantly, slamming the laptop shut and turning around in his tight embrace to face him.
Yoseob narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips in thought.
"Really? I thought I saw Gikwang's face just now" he sulked, pouting a little as he sat down comfortably on the sofa.
"So I was, why?" she asked, looking at him in the eyes.
"So I'm jealous" he answered truthfully, as he pushed a loft of her hair behind her ear, giving her a look of sadness.

"Well, you didn't see the man behind him... Here, look" she replied, opening the laptop cover again, and there Yoseob could see himself behind Gikwang, a mischievous grin on his face.
"I was looking at you, Seobbie. What's wrong with your paranoia nowadays?" she asked, concerned, as she ruffled his soft hair gently.
"I... don't know" he confessed, staring at his pants, twirling a loose piece of thread with his index finger.
"Will you dislike me?" he asked suddenly, his focused eyes on her expression, a tinge of pain swam in his moist eyes.
"What? Why... why do you ask that?" Kaien asked, slightly taken aback at his question, and stopped touching him altogether.
"I... Do you hate me for behaving like this? All scared and all?" he questioned again, biting his lower lip in anxiety, his eyes moving to everywhere but her.
"Seobbie... tell me why you're asking strange questions like this" Kaien commanded, giving him a stern look.
She didn't like it when he was acting all weird.
"Will you answer my questions if I tell you?" he asked, ready to strike a deal, his face divulging a fear that was overwhelming.

Kaien gauged his reaction, and nodded her head slowly.
"Tell me, Seob" she said softly, her palm on his shoulder.
"I'm afraid" he said slowly, his eyes wandering to the wall behind her.
"Of what?" she asked, her fingers drawing small circles on his palm, her ears pricked for his answer.
"Of Gikwang. I'm afraid he'll steal you back" he confessed, looking away guiltily.
Kaien chuckled gently. "What do you mean 'steal me back' huh?" she asked, narrowing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.
She sighed.
"You can't seem to forget about the past, can you? How many times have I told you, Seob, that..."
"I know, I know. I just can't... it bugs me. I would really rather you didn't tell me back then, now whenever I look at you I keep thinking of it I think... I'm a lousy boyfriend, being all over-protective and jealous and all. I can't..."

"Jeez, it was so long ago..."
Yoseob looked at her seriously in the eyes now, and pouted.
"But it still happened. It's true that you had a crush on Kwangie before you fell in love with me. And seriously this idea has being whirling in my mind ever since we've been together!
I want to forget it too; but I can't.
There must've been a reason why you liked Kwangie back then, what makes me think that you won't like him back again?
I..."
Kaien stared at Yoseob, who was evidently upset with himself.
"You know there's only you, right?" she asked, bending down so she could look at him face-to-face.
Yoseob huffed out a sigh and looked at her.
"I'm apparently not convinced yet" he said truthfully, slumping into his seat.

"I love you, Yang Yoseob, for being who you are. Gikwang was the past. Since there must've been I reason that I liked him, there must've been a reason why I liked you more and came to you.
Will you give yourself some trust and confidence?
What makes you think you're inferior to him? Sure, he's charismatic in his own way, but Yoseob-ah, you're the one I love.
I love you for being a considerate little boy, who puts other people before himself; even if he'll get hurt or something.
I love you for your voice, that never fails to melt me every time.
I love you for being so adorable, and never hiding your emotions; baring your heart at me. I love you for being there whenever I needed someone, and you gave me your sincere heart and everything you had.
But one thing about you, Seob-ah. You lack confidence. What do I have to do to let you know, that there's no one but you?"

Yoseob felt a warm and tingly feeling growing from the bottom of his heart; and he had to admit, that although he was loved by many, he never had the confidence before his own girlfriend and it made him upset very frequently.
"I..."
Yoseob was cut off halfway by a pair of warm and soft lips on his own, as his eyes widened at Kaien's bold action.
Leaving a fragrance on his lips, Kaien pulled away and looked at him in the eyes, with a boldness he had never witnessed before.
"Yang Yoseob. Will you believe in yourself now? I love you, and that's all that you need" she said softly, as Yoseob's eyes glistened with tears and he nodded his head, pulling her in for a tight embrace.
And that's all I need. You.

Aw okay this is quite phail but oh well as long as you like it~
Tell me how it is, kay?

:p

Make it a five-shot PART TWO

2011-11-06T18:36:00.000-08:00

I was deliberating between writing joyce's or kaien's one first, but then I was thinking if I was free I guess I'll just write two today.
Which I seriously doubt so considered I haven't done anything to Geog yet. Which is crap. But oh well; here it is.

COMING BY THE FLOCK
For Joyce

"Spazz spazz spazz and that's all you know how to do" Joyce heard her brother mutter softly under her breath, as she shut the laptop down with an unnecessary amount of strength, the loud sound echoing through the silent house.
I don't need your comments. she thought, striding back into the room and banging the door behind her.
"Stupid idiot; just because he has his own girlfriend he won't stop rubbing it into my face and think that I'm satiating my loneliness with idols.
What has anything gotta do with him?" she thought aloud, logging into twitter for the umpteenth time that day.

@bellaatong: @JoyceOMGNINJAS "Shouldn't you be doing your homework?"

@JoyceOMGNINJAS: @bellaatong"Why are you being like someone else?"

@bellaatong: @JoyceOMGNINJAS "Chee, what has anything gotta do with me?"

@JoyceOMGNINJAS: @bellaatong "Nothing, just don't feel like it. I don't want to study anymore. I'm stalking people on twitter anyway..."

Joyce slumped in her seat at the idea of homework and studying and...
"WHAT THE HECK OLEVELS ARE GONNA BE GONE ANYWAY!" she yelled, and she could hear her brother bellowing outside; in the living room.
Managing to stifle her chuckle, she pressed on her mentions tab.

@bellaatong: @JoyceOMGNINJAS "Motivation, eh? Well, if you study for three hours today, you'll get to see GD AND SANDEUL AND ZIN in your dreams; and Zin will do aegyo... Muahahahah. I'm good at this."
Her heart raced at the pure imagination of it; and though she knew it wasn't true, she still felt consoled.

(at night)
Joyce pulled out her Chemistry textbook and glanced at the computer screen over and over again, almost attempting to bring it into the living room and making her brother take care of it; to make sure she wouldn't use it.
"Argh" she groaned as she flipped it open to a random page and started reading.
Chemistry was fun to her, and before she knew it, three and a half hours had passed.
With a hopeful thought, she went to bed, considering if only she could dream of them, it would be good enough.
Before she went to bed, she checked her twitter again, to find that Sandeul tweeted something.

@SANDEUL920320: "특별한 미션 갈게요! 사랑 많이 주세요! 그 행운의 팬, 많이 기대 주세용! 뿅~* "
Even though she couldn't understand what he said, she still replied to him and went to sleep.

@JoyceOMGNINJAS: @SANDEUL920320 "잘자요!~"

(next morning)
Joyce dragged herself to the bathroom to wash her face and silently cursing about not dreaming of ANYONE AT ALL the previous night.
Turning her laptop on, she went on twitter immediately.

@JoyceOMGNINJAS: @bellaatong "OMG you liar. I didn't dream of anyone yesterday...... :["
She tapped her fingers on the table impatiently, but she knew she wouldn't get a reply soon.
"Go and buy food" her brother stuck his head into her room and commanded her, while she sludged all the way to the foodcourt near her house.
Just then, she thought she saw an unbelievably familiar face, and she ran a little just to follow that mysterious figure.

Why does he look like... Zin?
Leaner closer to get a better look, she found the male wrapped in thick clothes and wearing a mask, looking extremely scary and different.
This was Singapore after all, and the temperature here wasn't fitting with his attire at all.
As the man swerved around, she could see the ever so familiar eyes, the very same pair of eyes she saw on the computer screen everyday.
Heck yeah, that was Zin alright.
Just when she was about to yell, she felt a palm covering her mouth, and she struggled to catch a glimpse of her abductor.

"San... Sandeul?" she stuttered as she found the male smiling brightly at her, feeling a little embarrassed for doing that to her.
"So...sorry" he apologised frantically with his strong Korean accent, looking down at his shoes.
Joyce shook her head and pinched her own arm, only yelping in pain; and looking at a chuckling Sandeul before her.
"I'm not dreaming..."
"I'm not dreaming..."
"Hell yeah, I'm not dreaming!"
"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG, annyeonghaseyo, Sandeul-ssi!" she greeted him with a large folder bow, and his face brightened up.

"Annyeong~" he said happily, waving his hand.
Just then, Zin walked over, and with a smile on his face, he greeted her as well; making her not believe what just happened.
"We sneaked out of Korea" Sandeul whispered, as Joyce's eyes widened to twice their size, and he laughed loudly.
"I'm just kidding. I saw your reply yesterday on twitter! Bet you didn't know you were the lucky fan..." he said rapidly in Korean, as Joyce just shook her head over again.
"Agh, let's go play~" he said in English, and at least that was something she could decipher.
And so Sandeul and Zin and Joyce spent the whole day walking around Singapore as she brought them to savour the local delicacies and look at the tourist spots.

"Ah, video" Sandeul snapped his fingers as if he remembered something, as he whipped out his iphone and played her a video.
"Hello, Joyce-ssi.
This is G-Dragon.
(korean with English words below)
I was supposed to meet you as well, but because I was busy with my schedules, I couldn't.
I'm very sorry for that; but I hoped you enjoyed your trip with the two other kids and I wish you all the best for everything.
Hwaiting!" he said, clenching his fist tight and showing her a determined look.

As nighttime came, Joyce was sent home reluctantly by the two men as she looked at them longingly, holding on their autographed album and the selcas they took tightly in her hands.
"Ah, we have to go" Zin said quietly, as she nodded her head regretfully and was about to enter the house.
"Ah, before I forget again" Sandeul yelled, jumping out from the car, and along with Zin, the both of them gave Joyce a sweet little kiss on either side of her cheeks as she blushed furiously and smiled at them.
She bowed again, her face filled with gratitude and she really didn't want to leave at all.
"I'll follow you on twitter" Sandeul said softly, winking at her as she hopped onto his car again.
Upon entering the house, she could see her brother fuming through his ears as he lashed words at her almost immediately.
"Whatever" she replied nonchalantly as she returned to her room and turned on her laptop, to find that Sandeul had really followed her on twitter.

Oh the joy~
*"Going on a special mission! Please give us more love! To the lucky fan, please anticipate! Ppyong~

END

This is really lame in my opinion, but I'm not thinking right today. Shall give a better one if I have tht time.
끝~

AD!

2011-11-05T07:02:00.001-07:00

Make it a five-shot PART ONE

2011-11-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hello I know I shouldn't be typing now, and since I've realised that I'm a really lousy oneshot writer, I shouldn't be doing this, but I was lazy to study and alll. This will be a five-shot series for myself, gracepng yunting, teo kaien, joycekoh simin, angelaong xinyi in no particular order.
Although they didn't tell me to write it, I still felt like I had to for them, as a "End-of-o-levels" present.

First, shall be our dearest Grace, and I hope she'll appreciate it somehow.
I hope.

VINEGAR
For Grace

" 'Cause I know you do it for me. "

"Grace~ Grace Grace Grace Grace~" he sang loudly as Grace turned to face him. "Ay, Shin Dongho, can you just keep your trap shut?"
Dongho looked down at his own sneakers in disappointment and frowned.
"You seemed to be in a trance, I was just trying to cheer you up... or something" he replied softly, his voice trailing off.
Grace sighed loudly.
"I'm not sad. I'm just thinking about stuff; sorry for yelling at you though" she apologised, scrolling down her timeline on twitter.
Dongho's face brightened up at her apology and waved his hand nonchalantly.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked, leaning closer to her to look at what she was trying to do.

"Nothing" she murmured softly, his face dimming.
He hasn't tweeted yet.

Dongho looked at her laptop screen, and he could feel his smile fading; she was checking up on this Baro person again.
"Tell me, what's so attractive about him?" Dongho asked, feeling a little inferior, and pointing accusingly at the laptop.
Grace turned to look at him.
"Well, for one, he's cute, and talented" Grace pondered over his question, and looked up at her ceiling, as if it contained the answers.
"And then, he's humurous, and he's not fake at all. Everything about him seems so truthful, and he never bothers hiding his own character and all. I admire him" Grace replied, nodding her head as she did.

"What about me? Do you find me attractive?" Dongho asked, his voice hopeful, his eyes shimmering with hope.
Grace chuckled softly.
"Yes, you are, in a different way" she answered him softly.
"Is it a good way, or a bad way?" he probed again, and Grace narrowed her eyes.
"In a good way, but if you continue trying to ask me my opinion of you; then it's in a bad way. What exactly do you want to know, anyway?" she asked impatiently.

If you might admire me like how you do for him.
"Nothing much" Dongho shrugged and went back to reading his book.
"Somebody's feeling sour here" Grace said matter-of-factly, tapping him gently on the shoulder.
"No, nobody is" he answered quietly, sulking silently, the words in the book working through his mind, but not registering in his brain.
"Aw, Dongho ah, why are you ignoring me?" she tug his sleeve gently, closing the laptop and concentrating on Dongho.
Silence.

"Aish, Shin Dongho! Are you going to keep being this annoying?" she asked, evidently fuming.
Dongho swerved around to find her pursing her lips and staring at her own scabs on her legs, her fingers drawing circles over them and attempting to tear them away.
"Stop doing that, you'll bleed and it'd take forever to heal" Dongho warned, grabbing her wrists and found her piercing gaze at him.
"Chee... Why are you so upset?" he asked.
"Because you're upset at me for I don't even know what"

Dongho closed his eyes and pouted a little, sighing deeply. "So what if I am?"
"So tell me why"
"Because... I don't like it that you're stalking that Baro person" he answered reluctantly, the grip on her wrists loosened almost immediately.
A hint of a smile playing on Grace's lips, she cleared her throat.
"And why is that so?"
Dongho looked down at his socks down, pulling at the thread slowly.
"You... you're acting all creepy and like a stalker..."
"And that's something that bugs you? Come on, Dongho... Be honest" she replied slowly, looking at him.

"Shin Dongho, Dongho Dongho Dongho hoho hoho hoho~"
"Stop! Tell you what, it's because I'm jealous, alright? I'm jealous!
I'm jealous that you're constantly stalking that dude over there when I'm just beside you, and I'm angry that all you see is him and his tweets and you never seem to care about me.
I'm upset that I like you, but you don't, and you treat the both of us differently! I..."
Dongho was cut halfway through his line as Grace wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a tight embrace.

"Gr... Grace?" he asked, not sure what she was doing.
"Tell you what, I did that on purpose. Just exactly when will you confess to me, then?
Shin Dongho, I like you.
I treat you and Baro differently, because I see him as a caring elder brother, and you...
Let's just say, a little more than that"
Dongho grinned so widely his lips almost touched his ears.
Without a second thought, he kissed her gently on the cheeks he could feel the heat of blood rushing to her face.

He pulled back and smiled.
Ruffling her hair, he gazed into her eyes and breathed in deeply.
"Now that we're settled with the whole jealousy thing, will you call me Dongho-oppa?"

END

I was distracted doing something, so pardon me if this is crap. hahaha I think it is, but oh well, it killed boredom.
Hope you liked it~

It's funny.

2011-11-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post "Angel" here, but I guess nobody sort of reads it anymore. (well except for perhaps kaien who seems to be a great fan of mine, komawo~)
I've been bombarded with exams for the whole entire week and now I finally have a breather! And feeling a little bad for promising to update yesterday when I didn't, and wrote Angel instead.
I think Angel was a nice story. I think.
But it's scary to think that Jang was sort of possessed by Jun at the end. I mean... I don't even know what it means ehy.
Might be Jang suddenly owning Jun's memories, or Jun gave his own memories to Jang just so he can take good care of her and she can be herself once again.
Anyway, it wasn't my intention for Jang to BE Jun. He has his own charm, he just miraculously got Jun's memories and hooked out her curiousity for him.
And now, I seriously am thinking of writing a sequel.

Shoot, and there're so many stories on hand already.
But then again, nobody complains (:
Hell week is seriously over, and though I should be mourning over my Amaths, I'm surprisingly lax and lepak-ing since yesterday by watching MBLAQ till 2 and waking up really late today.
Hahah :D
But life is great so far, as long as I catch some sleep back again.

The next challenge would be Human Geography, and despite my full confidence for it, I somehow do not have a good feeling to it.
Considered the Physical Geography paper was bullshit easy, though I wasn't too sure what I was writing.
But oh well, we have like 4 days to study and I'll have to start today simply because I've thrown Human Geography away after Prelims, so....
Today, today.
So many things to do and yet so little time.

I need to update badly, but I'm afraid Omma's not going to be extremely tolerant about it.
She has something against me and sitting in front of the computer.
Not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Have been considering changing the blogskin.
No, not because I'm a fickle woman who has stopped loving BEAST, that's not the case.
It's just that some things have to change once in a while.
And I might just go for something simple this time.
People get tired of my spazzing.
Though as I said, nobody even reads this anymore.

That's not really the point.
There were actually a lot of things I had wanted to write about, but because of my failing memory (hah who am I kidding my memory is marvellous) and the fact that I'm very tired now even though I just woke up, I shall save all the trouble.
Ah, but I had a poem that day when I was really angry or sad or both.

How many stabs can a heart take and still survive?
How much pain do we have to endure to realise our mistakes?

REGRET

I'm sorry that I loved you
And that I brought you pain
Because there's nothing I can do now
But to walk away

Have you loved me the way I did;
Did you hear my heart break?
Did you finally regret,
Thinking I was a mistake?

And so I'm forced to walk this path
All injured and alone
And as I keep on going
My heart turns hard as stone

I keep my feelings in,
Emotions I refuse to show
Lest my attitude's misunderstood,
Well, not like you'd ever know

This isn't a rant to show
That I'm unhappy with you
It's just for me to make sure
To myself I'll remain true

And so now I'm wounded
By words that attack my mind
And I don't fucking hell believe in that saying
That "all you need is time"

What is the meaning of life,
Who am I living for?
For I am but a useless fool,
Who should never deserve more.

I'm sick and tired of a social life
I'm fed up with putting on a happy face
To spend a thought for your feelings
With fakeness I myself am amazed

So what was that nonsense all about,
That you don't like what I do?
Cause the Earth doesn't revolve around me
Neither is it for you.

So shut your trap and spend a thought
For those who are hurt by you
Cause if you don't own any self-pity
You're nothing but a fool

And you don't seem to understand
It's support that I need
And if you can't provide me with that,
Shoo, I don't need your shit

And I to hell fucking swear
When you grow old someday
It ain't anyone's fault no more,
If there's no one left to stay.

I'm a lousy poet I should just stick to writing.

I will cry in agony if my child in future has lousy English. English is a born-with thing. Fine then I'll cry till there's no tomorrow if my child dislikes languages.

GALORE!~~

2011-11-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

'
Neon jeongmal mystery, mystery, why?! Oh wait, Seungho ah, aren't you from MBLAQ? kekekeke MBLEAST waahh~

Wait, and who was the man with no aegyo again? Why sho kyute I need to pinch your cheeks.

*deep breath* Tongue-licking is Joker's trademark. I will not succumb to yours.

PERSPIRATION ALL OVER. (and no, not really I'm not thinking of wiping it for you)

SEUNGHO AH MUSSEL! (muscle) You scary freaky nonsense...

Oh but I love you for your biceps~ aza.

Mussels again.

ahem. Exactly how much photoshop.foundation did you use. Or is your skin this awesome?

Seungho: "Mir ah, why are you not talking to me?"
Mir: "Hyung. You always bully me."

AND AFTER THE GLORY OF YANGSEUNGHO, HERE SHALL COME MY ONE TRUE LOVE THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET. YONGJUNHYUNG YOU HANDSOME LITTLE... PRINCE. hahahah prince doesn't seem to fit your image well. Oh well, who caresssss~

Like taking solo photoshot for the school yearbook. kekekek

I gasped like mad when I saw this Joker ah why you so keai can you wear specs forever? Hahahahah but you look hot without specs. Dilemma.

Tongue-out plus absolutely adorable face and black-rimmed glasses gives you my angel.

Junhyung, come sleep with me, come, come.

Hmm... Coke, or coke? Ah, I know! COKE! zzz Junhyung ah why bother choosing. Your yeobo Seobbie give, just drink.

CAN I SAY MORE WHY BOTH SEUNGHO AND JUNHYUNG HERE THIS IS AWESOME HAHAHAHA.

Rap rap rap. Whole day rap only got this pose. Ah, but your charm right. Okay let you win.

HI JUNHYUNG! *waves hand frantically* hahahaha siao.

Junhyung: "Eoseo Oseyo~"

Me: "Ya, why are you inviting me to our own house?"

I'M DELUSIONAL TODAY.

STUPID FLAMBOYANT BISHES THAT I CAN'T NOT LOVE WILL SOMEONE STOP ME?!

Chem was today, and it was surprisingly easy it scared me when people said it was quite hard. Yeesh, but since it's over, I ain't gonna overthink it.

I really wonder why I'm here spamming photos like crazy when I should be studying Geography since I haven't even done rivers and coasts yet. (gasp I know)

But oh well, I'll just not do rivers and coasts tomorrow (yeah right)

Because I know the stupid post will look disgusting and I'll have to edit it, I'll save the crap and go finally study while I worry for Bio at the same time.

No updates today, but I'm still unnecessarily high. Oh welll~~~~~~

Oh baby, you make me cry.

2011-10-29T06:34:00.001-07:00

AND I SHALL BOMBARD YOU/ME WITH AWESOME PICTURES MUAHAHAHZZZ.
But there's no one reading this, and apparently computer-ssi has a feud with tumblr-ssi, so I can't get a new one; ohhhhh weelll~~~
Cha. Oh hell.
Never mind. Pictures first!

LATEST CRAZE. Even though I refuse to elaborate too much, I swear this sexy swagger drives me mad lately what is wrong with me.

SAYS THE BOY WITH THE PERFECT SMILE "I have dark clouds over my head".

*gasp* hello what is this gasping is Joker's trademark. I'm sorry.

Give my 'aegyo' rapper some pride. He's blushing now, I can tell...

AND AHAHAH TO SHOW YOU THAT I AM MORE THAN A SMALL LITTLE JOKER-BIASED GIRL I SHALL SHOW YOU MY LOVE FOR THE WHOLE BAND.

Jang Jang, your sheng ri ah?

Ehy hey I love every other group member too! (Not as much as Joker, but I shall not say it out)

Reason why you're called BEAST, my baobeis.

All-time favourite pilots (fantasizing about meeting an air steward who looks like Junhyung, I can't even o.0)

Happy Chuseok! Even if you guys went to Japan and didn't appear much on TV.

YONG JUNHYUNG! (wonder why I'm not spazzing about the shirtless Kwangie when he is seriously the whole point in here)

UHMHMM! Pretty boyzz my Kiwoon and Joker-nim I love you guysss~

THE BEST OF EVERYTHING JUNSEUNGSEOB. ACTUALLY CAN I BE GREEDY I WANT 2JUNSEUNGSEOB. Hahahah Junhyung you flirt.

2JUN YOU HAVE RESURFACED. And Kwang ah you third party orhhor.

JUNSEUNGss ♥ Joker stop that now.

Oh, so now you're trying to be cute like our Woonie? YOU'RE SUCCEEDING! not.

And as I've said, Maths and English are gonee with the wind and I'm going to say nothing but Singlish from now on. Hahah

Yeah right.

But in any case, I have Lit and Amaths on Monday, and Chem and Amaths on Tuesday and that's why I should seriously not be sitting here spazzing about male idols when I should be immersing myself in the Salts and Electrolysis atmosphere.

But we all know everything; and rereading everything just sarks.

LIFE SUCKS.

But then, oh well. I is have to go and read Fahrenheit 451 again and believe that my Lit skills are awesome and all~

Complacency costs me my life.

And no, I'm not proud. I'm... confident.

(heck yeah)

And whasssshalabulujigerbulu.

I'm off to fly~ ♥

And to make Yong Junhyung and Yang Seungho love me in my dreams.

Ciao.

Be Quiet.

2011-10-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

Heck, my darling boy has grown so much ahahahha he looks so awesome I can't even describe it properly.
Aigoo uli Junhyung ah having so much fun why can't you seem to do that often ahahahha.

(I'm crazy, serious shit, Junhyung ah you throw my heart into a whirlpool and Seungho just seems to join in ehehehehe)
Kim Wan Sun seriously looks NOTHING like 42 years old, heck, she looks like she can pass off to be our Junhyungie's sister when really she's probably like his mother's age or something.
So scary.
Botox does wonders.
Or she's really happy at heart, which is probably a bunch of crap.

Ehy but I'm really worried for my Joker-nim as well, because he has to promote this with Kim sunbae-nim and I'm scared our darling boy's gonna tire himself out.
No!
Goo Hara what are you doing, you should be telling him to not go out and cook soup for him what is this.
(nah I joke)

And yes, our Joker-nim ah, I love you for the awesome featuring, can you stop being so awesome.
PLEASE SING MORE YOU HEARD YOURSELF SING ISN'T IT AWESOME?
Next time quit playing a fool with Yang Yo and BE the main vocal when you say you are, aye?
I am going to perform for Grad Ball but here we are still stuck on what to sing.
I don't wanna care anymore as long as I get to sing whatever.

And Maths paper two finished today and I loved it, I think.
It was okay leh, now I can sleep at home thinking that one of my Maths can go and sleep already. Rest in peace.
No la, not because it's going to die, but because it's safe in the casket from any harm.

I shall not post an imaginary fanfic here again today because I updated and I have Junhyung overload.
That makes me a contented girl whilst I go and dig out my lit and try to study somemore.

SIX EH ONES JIAYOUUUUSSS
Jokernim I know you'll be there for me. /cries
I love you so much I can't even do anything now.
Yang Seungho, you should refrain from entering my mind so frequently. I think Joker nim's going to look for you soon.
Watch out.

Show me what you got.

2011-10-26T05:35:00.000-07:00

I went to study with Mary and Joyce today; and I have to admit that it seriously isn't productive at all.
Okay, if you consider three chapters of Physical Geog productive.
But then I keep consoling myself that all is done and nothing much will help. But oh well; I will try try try~
(starts singing Again by MBLAQ hahaha)
I think I'm mesmerised by Yang Seungho, boohoo -.-
He's been doing nothing but dominating my thoughts that I can't think properly today!
I should allow people to comment on my blog right?

Just to know that someone is reading it hahaha.
Shall talk about how Claire (my new B2STrising friend) tells me that I look like Jeon Hyosung. Hahah as if.
Okay la, she deduced that from my twitter picture so funny.
First I look like Joanne Peh, now I look like Hyosung.

Please la, Hyosung so pretty (inferiority getting to me)
I have posted a rather okay chapter, I guess (:
And I'm happy about that.
But I too realised that I have grammatical errors, why am I so lazy to edit arghhh.

English paper is over, and to be honest, I think I didn't do it very well (the compo at least)
I was just throwing out my life story for "freedom" and I don't think the British examiners are able to understand my pain being a caged bird in this society with Chinese parents and...

Okay, stop being poetic and acting emotional.
I'm happy today hahah (:
I love Claire!
She's such a darling for giving me great advice on my writing and encouragement as well!!
I have plotted out the storyline for Claire's story, though I've only a rough idea. I'll just let the juices flow, when I feel like it.
Hehehehe.
I need more online friends.

And I want to do nothing but write after Olevels, but no, I have to work.
And make covers and go to noraebangs hahaha to work on my singing.
Am supposed to perform on Grad Ball with Joyce and Tiffany's our guitarist.
I shall not say something I actually wanted to say.
Okay, actually it had been bugging me for a while...

Okay nevermind.
(I'm hanging you there, am I not? Don't worry, I won't say. I'm evil like that muahahahaha)
Hope I do a good job and not let Jen my manager down kekeke.

But then again, I'm Bella (Jeon, not)!!
I sing well.

...Right?

When the guilt sinks in.

2011-10-19T04:49:00.000-07:00

I have a few things to be guilty about.
One, for posting an absolutely ridiculous chapter of "I Remember" that I can't even bear to return to read it again.
It's like...
I can't even describe it this is baaaaaad really bad; how am I going to survive O Level English Paper One with this kind of story.

Two, Jang Hyunseung is killing me slowly with his humour and 4Dness and prettiness and sexiness that I feel extremely indebt to @Joker891219 for sort of not sort of betraying me because Jang is all that is in my head right now I can't think straight anymore.

I'm so sorry Jun-ah!
Even though you're mine and all, I can't help but divert my love to 4D Jang because he's so awesome arghhhhh.

Third, for not really studying hard and spending a lot of time watching MBLAQ Goes To School till 2.30am yesterday, when I should've been working hard, or sleeping.
GAHHHH.
But hey hey hey, I love Joon and Seungho. Seungho ah, don't make me fall in love with you, the consequences are dire.

But hey, shall we come up with what my imagination can do lately?
Though it's shit like, from yesterday's bad chapter.

A normal day, when Bella is just sitting around, her chin on her Biology book and doing nothing much but stare into blank space.

Gikwang: Bell ah~~~~
Me: (looks up) Yes, Kwang ah~~~~
Gikwang: Do you not love me?
Me: (startled) Why the sudden question?!
Gikwang: Cause you tell everyone that you don't like me.
Me: (guilty) I like AJ.
Gikwang: But AJ is me! In a way.
Me; I know, Kwang ah, I'm trying my best here. I don't really dislike you, just not so much. Should I apologise again?
I always feel bad for doing that to you; because I'm a group-lover. I love BEAST, really. Just... not so much of your solo activites
Gikwang: (pouts) But you are trying, right?
Me: (nods) Yes I am.
Gikwang: (smiles) Then, I guess that's fine.

Me: (brightens) Really? You won't hold it against me?
Gikwang: (shakes head) Nope. At least I know you're trying. You'll like me someday anyway.
Me: I do, Kwang ah, just not as much as everyone else.
Gikwang: Then that's okay.
Yoseob: (jumps in) What are you guys talking about?
Me: Nothing much. (winks to Kwangie and gets a wink in return)
Yoseob: (pouts) Why are you guys not telling me anything?
Gikwang: It's a secret between me and Bell ah~~~
Yoseob: That's not fair.
Gikwang: (hands on hips) What's not fair? That's the least I should deserve for being the last on her list.
Yoseob: (thinks) You're right. In some sense. But aren't you Dumbkwang? You shouldn't be right.
Gikwang: Thanks man.

Hyunseung: Hey people, whatcha talking about?!
Me: (stands up and hugs Hyunseung) OPPPPPPPAAAAA!!!!~~
Hyunseung: (taken by surprise) Oh, what's up!
(doesn't dislike it; ruffles my hair) Bell ah, why why why?
Me: The two oppas are arguing. I'm not happy.
Hyunseung: (stern look) What are you guys talking about? Why are you making my Bell bell sad?
Me: That's a really cheesy nickname.
Hyunseung: An affectionate one~
Me: Thank you then.
Yoseob: (stares) You guys are gross.
Me: Nah, you're just jealous.
Yoseob: (face turns red because she's right) Keep... keep quiet.

Dongwoon: Hyungs!! Bell! What's up?!
Me: The sky.
Dongwoon: (stares) That's really lame. Shouldn't you be keeping useful stuff in your brain?
Me: That doesn't mean you shouldn't lose your creativity and a sharp tongue.
Dongwoon: I never seem to be able to win you in any argument.
Me: (haughty) OF COURSE.
Doojoon: (enters) HEY PEOPLE! WHAT'S UP!
Everyone else: The sky!
Doojoon: (freezes) What is this nonsense.
Me: This isn't nonsense, Yoon-ah.
Doojoon: It is, and who told you you could call me that?
Me: (walks up to him) It's a cute name for a charming leader, Yoon-ah~

Doojoon: Makes me sound like YoonA from Girls' Generation.
Me: You're sexier.
Doojoon: (happy) That's the truth, even though it sounds a little fake coming out from you.
Junhyung: (comes in) Because it's a lie.
Me: (sticks back to Hyunseung) Oppa, teach me how to do this question!
Junhyung: (upset) Ya, Bell, why are you not acknowledging me?
Me: (ignores) You know how to do this right? I can ask Dongwoon oppa, though. He's the one good in Maths.
Junhyung: Ya.
Me: (gestures) Dongwoon oppa, help me solve this!
Junhyung: (walks over and looks at the question) This is so easy, just put the...
Me: (cuts in) Nobody's asking you.

Junhyung: Why are you in a bad mood today?
Me: Because I read something bad on the net yesterday.
Junhyung: (raises an eyebrow) And what might that be?
Me: (turns to look at him) Something that kind of spells Junhara; and the fact that Hara went on Radio Star and spoke so freely about your alleged relationship.
Junhyung: And you're fuming because of that?
Me: (turns away) Obviously not. Why would I be? What has anything about you and that woman gotta do with me?
Junhyung: (slight smile) You're jealous, are you not?
Me: (red-faced) Of course not!
Junhyung: (teasing) You are~ Someone has a red face~
Me: No I'm not! (looks pleadingly at Hyunseung) Hyunseungie oppa, get him away!!

Hyunseung: (slightly amused) But you DO have a red face.
Me: (whispers) You're seriously not helping here.
Hyunseung: I'm sorry, then. You've to solve this yourself, Bell ah.
Junhyung: (pulls her hand) Let's go.
Me: (astounded) What? Where?
Junhyung: Out of here.
Me: What? Why?
Junhyung: You're a nag, you know that?
Me: Well, I'm not going to budge unless you tell me where we're going and what we're going to do!
Junhyung: (sighs) You...
(pulls her into an embrace)
You... impossible.
Me: (blushes again) What in the world are you doing?

Junhyung: Aish, you shouldn't care about all that, you know.
Me: What?
Junhyung: That Junhara thing.
Me: The audacity of you to mention that.
Junhyung: (chuckles) How can you still deny that you're really jealous?
Me: Fine. So I am. So what.
Junhyung: Don't worry. You know I love you the most.
Me: But that also means I'm the most, you love Hara just a little? I don't want that.
Junhyung: It's okay. That won't happen.
Me: You suck, you know that?
Junhyung: I don't, and you know that.
Me: Okay, fine, but I love Hyunseung oppa alot lately.
Junhyung: (widens eyes) Are you serious?
Me: Isn't it cool for you to have a taste of your own medicine?
Junhyung: (pinches her nose) Oh you...
Me: I know you love me~
Junhyung: (sighs) I do.
The other members: Hello, we're still here. Are you guys being a little too gross?
Junhyung and I: You're just jealous~ MEHRONGG~~~~~

♥ Love story, when it's supposed to be an inspiring study-for-O-Level thing.
hyahyahyahya

YONG JUNHYUNG CAN YOU SHOW ME YOUR ABS AT LEAST ONCE IN MY LIFETIME?
Even on videos or pictures, I'll be contented.
Please?
Pretty please with a cherry on top?

I love you, even if I was angered yesterday and had to cry myself to sleep (no la I was too tired fantasizing to cry)
But I still love you.
believe that, alright?

Oh let it snow.

2011-10-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

It's funny how after watching the live performances for "Let It Snow" and I watch both Kwangie and Seungie do the pelvis thrust, and yet I only feel awkward when I see Kwangkwang do it.
When Jangness does it; I looooooove it. So sexay~
Heheheh ^^
It's obviously biased eh how.

So today I have been at home for very long and doing nothing much, but I finished reading electrolysis! Yayhay. (:
And then I'm going to do Biology tonight till rather late because I drank Cola this afternoon ehy. But then again, I love late-night study sessions!
Am going to study with Joyce on Wednesday once again. (what is once again)

Am absorbed in Teen Top's "Angel". It's really an awesome song and somehow calms my nerves I don't even know how it does, but it does.
Not like Teen Top sings the best and all, but I like the tune!!

Extremely peaceful. It's been the thing that's been playing on my mp4 most frequently lately. (well other than I Remember)
Sia la like I can't get enough of Bang Yong Guk and Seobseob's perfect harmony. I just like that whole feel!!
Like "Thanks To".

I'm happy that I have been earning lotsa love for my fanfic, it makes my miserable life a little better lately.
So while I'm still at it, let's do this!
6A1s!!!!
Haha dream on.

But still, no dream is too big to dream.
Lately I've been having conversations with imaginary BEAST members. I think when O'levels end and I've to come up with a speech to thank all the people who have helped me in this hard time, I'll thank the boys first.

Hyunseung: Don't you ever think of giving up!
Me: But Hyunseungie, when you believe in something for a long time, and it never really ends up happening, even the strongest faith keepers lose hope.
Yoseob: (bounces out of nowhere) But you know you can do it! Just have some confidence in yourself!
Me: I do, sometimes, but I just need to get my butt up to do something beneficial.
Dongwoon: (pulls me up) Come on, come on, you need to get this done. You know this is gonna do you good, like medicine. Medicine never tastes nice, does it, but it's good for you.
Me: Actually, I think the flu medicine, the liquid one, the yellow one, it tastes pretty good; don't you think?
Hyunseung: (4D mode) she's right.

Dongwoon: (rolls eyes) That's not really the point here, bells.
Me: Oh... Then what?
Gikwang: Then get your butt up and do something! (attempts aegyo)
Me: (pushes his head) Kwangie, that's not going to work on me. And I wish I could. But I can't. I have to need some stress.

Doojoon: I'll be your stress. If you don't do well, you can't come to Korea and buy our stuff or see us or something.
Me: (thinks) That helps, but after a while I'll just go back to being a sloth and using the computer and stuff.
Yoseob: (hands on his hips) No one says you can't use the computer, you silly. Just don't over-use it, and make sure you compensate the time back with studying!
Me: (brightens) Really? You think it's fine?

Junhyung: Sure, jyeah, why not, after all, I have to keep living in that fanfiction of yours to survive, right?
Me: (ponders) Yeah, I guess you're right.
Doojoon: So get up now, and go to study your Biology and Geography and whatever you need to study.
Me: And you'll be there to make sure I don't walk away to watch tv or use 'I'm going to the toilet' as an excuse?
Doojoon: All six of us will be there.
Me: Really?

Junhyung: We're in your brain right? If you want us to be there, we're there.
Me: (hugs) d'awww, you guys are suuuuch darlings. I hope I'm doing you justice; it doesn't seem right to keep you captive in my mind.
Hyunseung: Well, if that's so, then keep some other useful exam stuff in your brain while we get to go and play.
Yoseob: (butts in) We'll visit.

Junhyung: (sits on the space beside me) You guys go and play, I'm staying.
Me: (looks) Why?
Junhyung: (looks back, shrugs) Nothing, shouldn't you need some company?
Me: (rolls eyes) Yes, Junhyung, company, but not distraction.
Junhyung: (furrows eyebrows) How am I a distraction?
Me: (looks at him in disbelief) you must be kidding. How the heck am I going to concentrate if Yong Junhyung's sitting right in front of me and telling me to study.
Junhyung: (smug grin)

Me: Okay, now wipe that grin off your face before I wipe it off with the floor mat.
Junhyung: (comes closer) You wouldn't dare to.
Me: (stutters) Hell...hell I... I will.
Junhyung: (pinches my cheek) So cute.
Me: (blushes) Shut up, before I eat you up.
Junhyung: That's my line.

Okay this is going into a romance story what am I doing, my imagination is at it again.
Oh well.
BIOBIOBIOBIOBIO IMMA A1 YOU.

One Week.

2011-10-14T05:51:00.000-07:00

And as the title says, I have only ONE WEEK.
Which kind of tells me I shouldn't really be here, but then again, here I am. I can't let the fanfic plot whirl in my head, right?
Hehehe.

Okay.
I guess I have to go and mug Chem/Geog right now before I regret it when I don't get an A1 for either of it.
Hah.
kthxbye.

Happy like a lark.

2011-10-11T05:42:00.000-07:00

If you know what a lark is. I don't.

Uhm. I'm happy today. Then again, I'm happy everyday I update.
My life seems to take a pretty awesome turn and I'm quite glad at the support my fanfic is garnering.
(Well, not good enough to be featured, but fame is just secondary, in my opinion)

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/77674/i-remember-beast-dongwoon-dujun-gikwang-hyunseung-junhyung-yoseob

I will be a good publicity officer and try to promote this; even though nobody ever reads this blog anymore.
Hell, it's supposed to make me feel a little better about myself.
And so, everyone has been busily mugging while I'm here blogging.

Which is sinful, by the way.
But still, I decided that I shouldn't care less, since Appa's sending me to the Aussies next year, if I can get my permanant residence AND get to sell off this house AND buy a new one in Australia.
Somehow, I think my views have changed a little while over time.

The first time Appa actually brought it up, I was kinda upset, cause I didn't wanna leave all my buds here in Singapore.
But then, I kinda realised, I don't have many buds in this country.

Well, that's not really the point.
I guess I've reached the point where I've learnt to grow up and take things into my stride.
I'm actually looking forward to go to the Aussies to learn new things.

Adapt an angmoh life (which reminds me I probably shouldn't be allowed to say that once I reach there or something) and make new friends!
(by which I do not mean only Korean people)

And sure, there'll be people missing me here, just not many.
Somehow, I think I've never had the ability to change a person's life so drastically that they would actually feel the loss if I wasn't there.
Perhaps, only Joyce would reminisce those happy days we had together in Anderson.
And perhaps a few individuals would simply remember me as one of those loitering strangers who used to visit their conscience and minds.

In the hope that I actually left down a legacy and perhaps some wisdom here, where my roots really are.
I shall tell Appa that I'm no longer against the idea of not going there anymore.
I should learn to stand up bravely by myself.

Even if Australians are racist people /sigh
But I'll go on and fight on till the end, eh?
But because of my self-acclaimed intelligence, I've been doing nothing but rotting around at home and typing fanfiction like nobody's business.

Chemistry is official the first "have-to-mug-for" paper and I realised I haven't really done anything. So I will draw out this beautiful plan out for myself.
To study all those memorising shit in Chemistry, then moving on to Social Studies, Geography and Biology.
Because Biology retains best when I read it the last.
Somehow.

And this sudden satisfaction I get when my darling readers tell me that I write well; it's really an indescribable feeling.
Like tingling nerves in your veins, bring a silly smile to your face.
Oh well, all non-fanfiction writers probably wouldn't get it.

But hey, I'm glad I did something nice in this time when I'm in Singapore.
And am going to continue when I'm in Australia or something.
Appa says I might be able to go for JC1, which Omma rejects always straight away, because she believes it's a waste of time.
But oh well, who cares.

More chances to earn money for my kpop-fandom.
It's sad how I'll go to Australia and BEAST or 2AM won't ever (almost ever) come. If they do I guess I'll just hold up a "Hi I'm from Singapore" sign (in Korean, duh) to them.

But then, I'm not a Singaporean, haha.
(but I will be one. Oops, was that supposed to be a secret or something?)
HAHAHA.

Then I'll be a good fan and go aaaaaall the way to Korea to stalk them when they have their comebacks and perhaps learn a little from Grace's sister, to sit in for some course for the summer vacations.

Best way to spend your holidays, eh?
(and don't tell anyone, but I think Imma top the class when I'm in Australia with my sucky singapore maths but awesome aussie maths standard)
According to tuishen teacher, Aussies have bad Math.

I wonder how bad is bad.
To my standard?
(then again, if there were MICs there, then I'll just intergrate into the air again)
Okay, I is shall check up my comments and go study some Chem before I grab some sleep, go for Mok tomorrow, and collect my BEAST Fiction and Fact album that I won (!)

Unbelievable luck.
I think it's a good sign for my 'O' Levels.
HAHAHAH
#delusional.

Once again.

이렇게 난 또
잊지 못하고
내 가슴 속에 끝나지 않을
이 야기 쓰고 있어

짱 씨, you melt me sometimes. (;

Walls of Defence.

2011-10-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

LONELINESS

I fear it like a plague;
Constantly afraid that it'll invade my cells one day.
I refuse to believe that I'm left with no choice
I want to leave it before it leaves me.

I'm still holding on this futile dignity
That brings me no hope.
So, what do I do?
All I do is build up these fences around me.

I want to be unbothered;
I don't want to care.
I want people to understand;
no, I'm not alone because I'm hateful,
It's because I choose not to.

But I really know otherwise.
What happens when time cannot heal
the wounds it claims it will?
What will be our choice?

Because you are you,
and if you cannot convince yourself,
no one can.

I wish I had some more courage for myself;
I hope I could stand up a little more independently.
I wish, I wasn't like this.
I wish I wasn't me.

Not the me that everyone dislikes;
Not the me that everyone hates.
Not the me who's drained of courage;
Not the me who leaves everything to fate.

But then there's always people like you,
you
and you.
Who are always there for me.
Giving me the support I need
And embracing all my weaknesses.

Thank you all of you,
Even though I'm nowhere near perfect.
Because even if the world gives up on me,
I know,
You'll be there.

And you make me perfect,
Because,
I believe.

-

It's 8:48pm on Monday, and I have St. Joseph's Emaths paper and the Chinese timed practice that I was supposed to finish at 4.30 this afternoon.
But I'm really tired what the heck.
Shall I just finish these two and go and sleep?

Yeah I should.
Then again, I should be revising to.
Ah, to hell with that.
I need my energy booster.

I... Remember.

2011-09-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's really 11:49PM now on a Wednesday night; and midnight is crawling towards me slowly now.
I went to sit for the amaths paper two, and do you want me to be honest? I think I kind of screwed it up.
Okay, so maybe I'll be able to pass it or something, but definitely not do well.
I'm so lethargic; I really want to sleep now, because I bathed at 10PM and my hair is still wet this is really stupid.
But I'm also really lazy to bring out my amaths or geography to do.
I was supposed to meet Kelvin on Friday; but then they told me that there's a Chemistry mastery test on that day and I might have to fly aeroplane.
I hate not being able to go on a promised date and keeping a promise.

I hate that.
And even more the fact that it's Wednesday now; and there's only about two more days left or something.
And I only knew today; and this is like crap shitzx.
I really feel like dropping Chemistry.
It isn't exactly because I can't cope; it's because I'm doing extremely minute amounts of Chem lately and my skills have went down.
Duh, you got yourself a D7 for Chem, you douchehead.
And I'm really growing to dislike Chemistry.

So boring mmhmm.
This is so sad. I used to love Chemistry so much and now it's kind of died off or something. I will bring my Chemistry book to school tomorrow and act like I'm actually doing something productive for once.
I've been catching up on homework during other teachers' lessons.
But I will keep going on; if I give one up, I'll do better for another one.
Opportunity cost. And this is something that I strongly believe in.
So I will return home tomorrow to do shitpileloads of maths and amaths; and then study chemistry. And there is also social studies argh.

Mister Arasu's not exactly the best social studies teacher ever, but I can't deny that he's funny. (remembering xuyan's epic fail at the cockroach topic this afternoon it was so amusing I'm laughing all over again now ahahahha)
But then, I still think that our teachers are still rather awesome.
It's that they grow tired over time at our shit results and have annoyed tones sometimes.
I can't deny that it's frustrating.

Sometimes I consider that if I should truly be scolded along with the other classmates who did poorly for their exams.
But then I thought about it; I didn't exactly do really well anyways, and we're fourthree.
We should always stand as one. Even though we have many many many cliques here and there, I'm still glad that we can come together to work hard when we should.
Even though there is still conflict hidden within bright smiles and polite gestures.
People laugh and talk to you, but silently they're just cursing your guts and cussing like mad.
And I know that very well; even though I don't talk much about it.

Because I still believe that it's not the time to break apart now; not now.
But who cares, those people who are covered by their own egoistical selves that they refuse to open their eyes and to bother about other people who obviously dislike them because they deserve it.
I know, I have a foul mouth, and it's not something that comes into my control; because it's truly just habitual. I have been talking this way ever since I was born.
That sucks, doesn't it?

That freakin' freakin' sucks.
But too bad, those people I hang out with; they can take those insults and hurl them back at me. And because of your puny pride and ego, you choose to swallow it and turn sulky.
Well you know what, hell to you. No one gives a fucking shit to you and your "face" problem.

If you want to PMS, go ahead.
I'm not stopping you, but that will just make you depressed and more sulky and you'll rot in hell.
To hell with you.
Fuck.

Andwae.

2011-09-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

I am aware that I have two Maths papers to complete and a whole Chinese paper to finish; but omma's out for class today and unnie's on night shift, so I'm spamming the computer just like this.
I feel guilty, but I guess I'll pay back for it since I go to school later tomorrow; and I probably can stay up late.
Moreover, Emaths and Chinese equals to awesome fun-ness!
Serious shitz.

Chinese is just... easy.
Hah.
And for Emaths, I don't know, I just like it, somehow. Though Amaths is catching up after I completed the 2010 O level Amaths paper and am crazily thinking that I'm going to get an A1 for Amaths. Hahaha.

It isn't because it REEEEEEALLY easy la huh, but if you want to do juxtapose with my Anderson papers; bring it on.
Because I am fully aware that I will end up staring into blank space or use the computer if mum's at home for the former, and if she's not for the latter, I have preoccupied myself with study session with everyone even when it's already half the week.

Another 20 plus days to go, hwaiting.
Omma's high expectations of me are overwhelming, she says that she'll be contented as long as I do better than unnie.
I'm guessing that'll be easy, but I myself won't be contented duh.
So suck on it and start studying now.

Am now supposed to be studying SS since it's the first paper or something, but am simply Biology because it's really fun.
Will have to work on writing the essays, though.
Tomorrow will be staying in school to do some work and stay till eight to do the Amaths mock test (which I teeth-grindingly, am 2 marks away from not having to do it).
But then, I like Amaths lately.

I thought that paper one was kind of shit, but I did okay, so I'm guessing I'll do better for paper two then.
Have to brush up on that Maths, no matter what.
And Chemistry simply just eats up my brain. I always feel like sleeping whenever I study Chemistry.
That kind of sucks.
I actually remember I used to like Chemistry alot and therefore I did well in it. Not sure if it's a Miss Yep problem now; or a Miss Mok problem then, or it's just my problem.
Am guessing the latter.

Need to work on the SS questions as well, because no point letting Combine Humans slip past an A1 because of screwed up Social Studies.
And somehow, my Geography seems to be getting poorer lately, I will have to spam Geog essays and questions, hmm?
Am hoping that I'll do fine for the mock test on 7 October so I don't have to come back and experience another I-don't-know-how-many-days of extra clinic sessions when I can just be at home studying hard.

Will be studying with Kelvin on Friday, silently not minding Nabil but very much, George.
I'm guessing it's going to continue being an extremely awkward situation, but I'm just gonna leave it as it is.
I need extra Amaths tuition, that is.
And going to study with Kelly on Saturday after my own real tuishen, and then she'll leave for her own tuishen as well.
On Sunday, I'm studying with Angela (somewhere I don't know where) without Joyce because the latter is evidently not free on Sundays.

And so my "end of week" is truly packed with study sessions, and I'm going to endure Wednesday in school till night; and on Thursday I am (finally) going to work on Social Studies and Chemistry.
I am still rather glad that I did okay for prelims.
Got a really cute pen for graduating from the Diamonds programme because my L1R5 went down zzzz
I shouldn't even be there in the first place, really.
But then, I was. And now I'm not.

(Mister Lo smells nice, even though he gives speeches that are not exactly moralising)
I have been rather thoughful these days, if I'm 4D or not.
I'm not sure what I am, just pure weirdness, or what. I have to admit that I am someone who thinks stuff differently from other people.
But does that make me 4D?
I really seriously do not know.

I updated my fanfic, when I'm not supposed to. I guess it's because I did that essay on Luxury today and my language flows out from my brain.
I'm forced to write.
Okay, maybe not, but why not make full use of an already working motor.
Beats having to warm one up when I'm REALLY forced to update before the computer.
But here, I'm glad. I think it was an okay chapter.

I wonder why there aren't many people reading it.
But my commenters tell me it's a nice story. Is it really?
I just thought of it that day. I don't remember; but I think I saw someone write something. Ah that inspiring fanfic.
It doesn't really have any link; it's just the idea of forgetting your idols. And how sad that would be.
The rest sort of flushed itself into my brain and it was distracting me the whole time. I had to get it out one way or another.
And now I've spent 17 minutes typing, this is truly a waste of time.

I LOVE YANGYOSEOB'S VOICE.
Andwae in the Poseidon OST is really good, but I think I need some happy songs lately to keep me awake in the wee hours studying.
But no doubt, Yang Yoseob is one of the best singers in the industry/
*wags finger*
Do not deny that.
His vocals, and 2AM's.
No. Way.

More than emotion~

2011-09-25T02:16:00.000-07:00

Love Brown Eyed Girls' Comeback, it's awesome, really. But now that KARA's coming back they're winning butts.
(When the song isn't even half as nice as U-Kiss's or BEG's, honestly.)
Salute to Ga In's high-pitched note, and awesome MiRyo's rap. Super cool man, someone let them get the hecking Mutizen!
Am supposed to be either doing Chem or studying Bio or doing Maths now, instead I'm here blogging and reading those fanfics I wanted to read.

(Not like I'm not already reading them frequently)
And heck, I'm so tempted to update!!
Should I?
I need to write on "I Remember". Because the idea is bugging me since yesterday morning. My phone is officially down.
I can't sms now, and I can't even see my Junhyungie from the phone because the fucking screen is spoilt, serious shit.

Nothingness.
Just blank.
I can still receive calls, though. Or call those numbers that I actually remember. But I'm going to have to bring it to the repair centre or something.
Hopefully I don't have to pay! (hah right)
I still choose to believe it's not my problem. I just use the phone like how other people use it, why does mine die off so quickly.

So I choose to believe that it's a Sony problem.
-
Downloaded the few Japanese Version songs of BEAST and seriously, I wonder what they did to "Mystery".
It's not in Japanese, and it sounds like Horaengi oppa got drunk, went to the club and just distorted the song like that.
Head-bopping, sure, but who can fight the original?

YOU TELL ME TELL ME WHY (WHY)
YOU SHOW ME SHOW ME WHY (WHY)

Mauhahahaha. And it's really still cool that Junhyungie raps in Japanese, even though I can't really call that rapping.
Then again, if it's too long or complicated, how is this little dork going to perform it live hmm? So I still choose to forgive you.
There's nothing different, really, about the versions, but personally I like the loud blasting sound in Shock's last chorus.
Cool and impactful, in my perspective.

So we're gonna get results slips tomorrow, but it doesn't really do anything much because I know what it is already anyways.
Wanted to message Kelvin Ge to ask him how he did, but my phone's really nice to me.

I hope Mister Fadzly's wife's fine, no wonder he looked really sad and tired lately ):
Oh well.
Everything will be fine.
I need to do my work, but it still sucks that I really didn't do anything yesterday, except for going to tuishen.
So I will have to work hard tonight like crazy!

Magical.

2011-09-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hello~
Went for Night Clinic today from six to eight and I think I didn't end up achieving much, I still have Madam Wong's Amaths paper One to redo; Chemistry MCQ and Commonwealth Maths paper Two.
And ironic that I'm still here using the computer when I'm really yawning and want to sleep like mad.

I will sleep after this post.
Prelims are funny for me this time round. Wonder why.
All the subjects I thought I would do okay or well (like Higher Chinese or Chemistry or Geog), I screwed up pretty badly.
And all those I thought I would fail or something (like Biology or Amaths or SS or English), I did surprising well!

Still an A1 for Geog, huh, but it's a 75.
I feel so sad about that, seriously.
And I did better for my Physical Geog than Human. (!)
I know!!

And passed Social Studies.
And got a TWO for English. Whoa why am I so cool normally my Chinese better de sia.
And so, I have an eighteen for prelims results L1R5.
That doesn't take into account my Sec3 Normal Chinese results.
If it does, it'll be 15.

Is that supposed to be good?
I'm not sure.
I was aiming for <20 or something, and yeah, I've achieved it.
Somehow I'm not sure if the teachers were trying to be lenient and nice or something; because 15 seems like a distant thing to me right now.
Still glad, nonetheless (:

Still not glad enough, if I really want to go to ACJC's Arts Stream.
Which requires a seven. (gasp)
Oh but welll~~

I really am sleepy now, but I want to re-read my awesome fanfics on AFF. (haha yeah right)
But yes, life is fulfilling for me right now.

It's so sad that I've been slackier by the day as the big Ohs loom towards me.
And bad.

I've seriously not done any revision yet cause I'm like leaning on my prelims and thinking that "Thank fucking God that the prelims are over", totally forgetting the fact that I have another battle to fight.
The last war.
So I will start working hard from tomorrow on (though that's what I say almost like everyday) and seriously have to work on everything else.
Yes, everything.

-

My phone is truly being a bitch and I think it's suggesting me to change one ASAP.
Refusing to use Mum's or Unnie's spare phones because I'm afraid I'll spoil those too (the number of phones that have died in my hands are uncountable)
I think it's a Sony Ericsson problem.
It either doesn't like me; or I have something against it.
(That is exactly why I want to buy the Samsung Galaxy S2 hmm)
But in any case, I need to change a phone; and that will have to wait to after the O Levels and Daddy says I have to do well, and he'll buy my an iphone.

(No, Dad, I is not want an iphone, buy me something else)
Dad says I have to "pass with flying colours" but I know if I pass every single subject he'll buy it for me anyway.
Cause he's my Dad. (and wouldn't it be awkward if I thought I did well and he didn't, and he says "I'm not gonna get it for you"? That would be ultimately demoralising, and my Dad's supposed to be nice)

Geez, it's already 11.30 and I've really done nothing.
I will rest for the night and try to get up early tomorrow and go to school to mug Maths and finish that lame and stupid Chem MCQ thing.
I hate being late.
For anything.

Keep your head down.
Don't wanna waste my life away.

지금 까지 sooooo BEAST!~

2011-09-16T06:06:00.000-07:00

Is going to study with @joycekoh and @angelaong tomorrow at Woodlands library, but seriously, I'm going to collect my Fiction photobook.
I will also have to start studying; because since prelims ended I have totally done NOTHING.
Not exaggerating like King Jang, but it's true.
Because I am shooooooo dead manzxs.

Chemistry doesn't seem to like me because I think I failed it. Yes I did. Fuck it.
I should stop studying Chemistry. I get more and more confused the more I read it. I think there's something wrong with me.
I really don't know.
Well, looking on the bright side, I passed my two worst subjects (okay actually I don't really know for Amaths, but at least I passed bio *shrugs*)
So I'm still happy.
And getting all the rest of the results by Tuesday.

Gimme my Geog. *rawr*
Am glad that @kaien is becoming a B2UTY as well, because now I am surrounded with B2UTIES and although she's in love with my least favourite member Kwang-nim.

I seriously have nothing against Kwang-nim, totally, but I just enjoy having fun criticising about him whenever people around me swoon mad about him.
And Kwang-nim is hot, no doubt. (abs whooshooz) and his very cute eye-smile. (heheheh Jinwoonie still beats him hahahaha)

Ah, but Joker-nim you are still mine~ *hugs virtual Junhyung tightly*
Hahahahaha. I think I'm mad. Huh who am I kidding. I AM MAD MUAHAHA.
With anything that has to do with Junhyung.
Rewatched BEAST ALMIGHTY again, yes I know, when I can just be catching Oh! My School zzz what am I saying.
And then the girls who wanted BEAST to deliver the signed album to them are sooooooo lucky I also want!!
Hahahaha but if they ask me what request I want I'll just jump at the chance.
"Can I take an awesome selca with all six of you, Junhyung beside me? I'll love you fellows forever!~"
Wishful thinking though sigh.

Never mind I think I need to see BEAST at least once in my life. And 2AM as well.
Speaking of which I went to watch 2AM Show yesterday and OMG THE BOYS ARE SO EFFING CUTE I LOVE THESE BOYS HAHAHAHAH.
Go Chang Omma and Ongseul Ajibaem and Kkabkwonnie and Maknae Jinwoonie, you guys have the best voices ever and are so charismatic.
I love you guys.
CHILL AND ROCK ON.
Love the fact that Kwon and Dooj are bestest friends, and both maknaes are in the 91 line and you guys rock shitzxs.
Is there something like BEASTAM or something?
hahahahaha.

I am going to watch the Rain show later.
And I'm glad that @kaien liked the fluffy fluff Gikwang oneshot I wrote for her in class today hehehehe.
Not very proud of it, but I guess it was okay standard.
And I have a new fanfic!
"I Remember", which is really about some girl with amnesia and I will keep writing because I think it'll be a good story.
Many subscribers or not, hmm.

Huhgak is the bestest singer evaaaaa. Okay maybe I'm just saying that because Yong Junhyung is in the Music Video.
Why are you being beaten up, why?!
Don't you guys ever dare to bash up my Junhyung; I'll protect him even if it means I'll die. I will cover him up with my back, and stab me with a knife and all, but you're not going to hurt him.
He's mine.
Bleh.
:p
I loveeeeee youuuuuuuuuu~

Somehow I want to send something all the way to CUBE for my Junhyung-ie for 1219, but I think there'll be so many fans sending things that it won't even make sense.
Better save the money to see them when they come, or to pay for an air ticket to go there. HAHAHA.
I sometimes feel bad for swooning over BEAST only like half a year ago, when they have always been awesome; and I admit I admired them a lot before the massive infatuation started y'know.
But now that they're so freaking popular and all, it somehow just feels like I've been an overrated puny fan that likes them because THEY ARE POPULAR.

hey I'm not okay.
Wonder how everyone likes Suju and I don't, not really. (Actually I really just like Ryeowook isn't he cute kekkeekekeke)
yeah, so that's kind of like that.
And Girls' Generation; I mean many haters and all, but they ARE popular, right?

And now that BEAST is rising up doesn't mean I just like them for that.
I like 2AM! (who is also rising) and many people are as well. It's just that a lot of times I admire a group or a bunch of people not because they dance well (okay maybe that's one)
but most of the time it's their vocals and their music.

The latter has to be Tiger oppa's work.
But really, 2AM and BEAST, although they're of totally different genres, and they sing different music, I still have to admit that they're really good.
2AM's just pure angelic voices. (as seen from their live performances)
and although people might think that Seobs is the only one with the awesome vocals, they're wrong.
There's so much more about BEAST, but I love them because they're dorks and they're not afraid to show that.
I know fans of other groups say that too, but really, groups like BEAST and 2AM seem not to mind about their image. (although they pretend to be), and I really appreciate that.

As BEAST's 2nd year anniversary is coming, and Joker-nim's birthday as well; PEOPLE, ROCK ON.

In Neverland~

2011-09-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

I think U-Kiss is trying the whole Peter Pan image.
September holidays are here; and though I've been really slack (like shit hell yeah I'm not bluffin') I ain't gonna try to make myself guilty because I'm going out to study with @joycekoh.
And really, because I've been hardworking being a nice fanfic writer.

Taking in requests from all the B2UTIES have made me a better person and got to know many more people; such as two new unnies I got to know from AFF.
I think I'm out of my anti-social phase oh well (:

Tomorrow's going to be bio-math day and I really wanna try the KFC's new chocolate egg tart thingie kekekeke.
Let's see what @joycekoh thinks, hmm?
I really wanna go and sleep now so that I can wake up early enough to tomorrow to not pangsey @joycekoh, but I need to just finish this chapter of Biology geez.

As if it helps me in any way hahaha.
I will have to stop this whole addiction to AFF (all @joycekoh's fault yet AGAIN)
argh me is go and drink milk now and read bio hehehehehehe.

And try to act like I'm working hard when I'm really just singing along to the songs playing from my mp4.
*shrugs*
Oh well.
The fact that it's coming soon is really crazy and scary, you know that?
It freaks me out.
And I think my Prelims are like...

Ahahahahah I can't even say how ridiculous it may be.
Miss Mok screwed up my Chemistry paper and all I can do now is study for paper one and hope that it'll save my butt.
I think Bio was fine!
Pray that I'll get a C5, at least.
And geog.
zzzzzz.

Paper one was hahahahahaha.
I think I don't really need to emphasize on the shittiness anymore sigh.

SO SMURF!
(I mean soooooooooo BEAST!~)

It’s a fact
My mind knows, but my heart says that it can’t get accustomed to it
The urge to protect you comes to me without me knowing, it also seems like my clinging
This situation that fell on top of my head randomly
I can no longer handle it
If I can’t empty you, I will try to fill it up again
I will rewrite the story of you and I

(The Fact: BEAST)

I wish, I could protect you like how I used to. But my mind tells me that you're not mine anymore. How will that change things?
How will that change how much I still love you?
I... still need to keep you in my heart. So I can bring you out and let the happiness wash through me again when I'm delusional.
If I cannot love you now; as whoever I am, I will write this fiction, where we live happily, more than anything else.
As we recollect the memories, my heart sinks for you.
I wish...
I wish...
I wish. You were still here with me.
But... you're here when we're in this fiction. That's all I need.
I think.

Hello Hello~

2011-08-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

Eo Seo Oh Se Yo~ (Welcome)
No really, there's really no one reading this so I'm just venting my anger/emotions here. It's okay it's okay really.
I know I have no life and am not popular anyways.
*sobs silently*

well, that's sad, but that's the status quo and yes because I have a swaggerattitude (says my twitter profile), I don't care about all that shitzx.
Jyeah.
Am watching this Mighty Joe Young show of this awesome King Kong like gorilla.
Okay mostly I'm just looking at how pretty the female protagonist is, really.
No I am not lesbian how can I be when I absolutely love Jun Hyung zzz.

Can't spazz too much because basically I am hardly kept up with anything happening except that United Cube is going around everywhere and that KiKi AJ is cameo-ing in All My Love.
(who was it the other day they were talking about. Uee. Or maybe they saw wrongly and it was really Prince Jang hahahahah)

Nah, but when is Yong black-face going to cameo too?
Let's give him a few more lines than "Kang Dong-nim!" in that I don't even know what show is that.
Ah is it the one Kiki AJ was in?
"More Charming By the Day" or something gosh I don't even know.
*buries face in embarrassment*

Disgraced B2UTY moment, sorry.
Mianhe, my boys!
Your dongsaengnim here took too long to love you guys so I can't tell you how sorry I am.
But don't worry, I love you guys now and that's what's important.

But I'm trying very hard to show that I haven't just suddenly grew fond of you awesome six just recently for Fiction and Fact because Fiction won 8 times on music shows and you have such a cool image.
But I really appreciated you guys (shamefully because of Shock and not Bad Girl bwahaha I cry again) from quite the very start and am heads over heels only NOW.
Which is still embarrassing. Sigh.
But, I love you.
Really, I do.

All those non-title tracks, you guys still did them really well.
"Easy" was a wonderful piece, it's something I put on replay everyday.
And you guys even do the OST songs really well too.

I can't even tell you how much I like Jun Hyung's rap jobs in other songs and how Seobs sings so magnificently in "I Remember".
My goodness I think it's the only song my MP4 ever plays lately.
Hahaha.
It's really awesome, coupled with Bang Yong Guk's really deep and sexy voice when he raps.
(ah but there's really just one best rapper in my whole world)
And Baro's rising up too, he's really good as well.
I love rappers what's wrong with them. Or me.

Like Samm D, or Outsider, or Baro, or Jun Hyung, or Bang Yong Guk.
Wow.
But yes, I'm wow-ed by awesome vocals as well.
(I AM a singer, after all)
So yes, thumbs up for SanDeul of B1A4, he even sounds nice live. *nods head in agreement*
Definitely, applause for Seobs for his undeniable smooth vocals that make him the "voice that sounds like it's played directly from the CD".
It sounds gentle at times, but that's the charming part.

Forever thumbs up for Kwon's beautiful voice, one that never fails to make me cry for a ballad, or smile for a lively song, or just be touched by a random pop song.
Jo Kwon's voice, is like one of an angel.
Gosh, I love him manz.

Thumbs up again for Soo Hyun of U-KISS, the allegedly to-be 2AM member.
Strong vocals like his support the whole of U-Kiss and it's really awesome.
(though some of it is like snatched by Hoon from lately hahaha)

I think I might grow to love Kiki AJ (look, I don't even call him Pabo AJ anymore, though he still remains dorky.
HAH what am I saying all six of them are dorks)
I love BEAST as a whole, but sadly, I still have biases.
And yes, KiKi is growing not so annoying lately keke.
(omigosh all the kiki fans are going to kill me for this.)

But whatever.
I just love all six. Like how a sister loves all her oppas.
And I love Rain too.
Recently.
After watching Fugitive: Plan B for a while now.
Shall finish all of it after the big Ohs.

Wonder why I'm studying Geog again, when it's my best subject (supposedly) and I have Bio to study for.
Well, and of course Maths, but Bio's the nerve wrecking one here right now.
Don't be conceited and go study bells, before you cry when you get an A2 for Geog.
I will kill you myself.

Lyricist-in-making.

2011-08-08T05:28:00.000-07:00

“Let’s Break up”
It’s very hard to say
But now we’re no longer together
I’m sorry

Saying Goodbye
does not really hurt
What hurts me more is you telling me
to be happy with another girl

And you turn around
you’re leaving me alone
I really love you
Yes it’s true

I want to hold you again
but in the end I can’t
Because now I can’t reach your hand anymore
Now I’m sending
MY LOVE GOODBYE
GOODBYE
GOODBYE

I’m sorry
I’m asking for forgiveness
For not keeping the promises
I hate myself

Now your dreams are all scattered away
I deserve to love by myself
I felt that

I want to hold you again
but in the end I can’t
Because now I can’t reach your hand anymore
Now I’m sending

“I’m gonna miss you like crazy”
I want to tell you that
I hoped we would have a beautiful ending
But now I’m sending
My LOVE GOODBYE
GOODBYE
GOODBYE

"Despite Holding On" by Noel is a really nice song, but personally I appreciated BEAST's rendition better.
(No not because Jun Hyung sings the first part. Okay maybe just a little)
But because Noel's version is a little too fast for such sad lyrics.

And I can't deny Joker's good vocals it's so scary it's true.
Hahahahah which is supposedly a good thing since I loooooooooooove people with nice voices.
Like Samm D kekekekeke. (so head over heels over him there's something wrong with me goodness he has Lady Jane)
But they look so cute Lady Jane so pretty omo.
http://www.asianpopcorn.com/news_images/Simon_D_s_girlfriend_Lady_Jane_to_release_first_solo_album_24102010231608.jpg
HAHAHAHAH.
But yeah.

Getting away from the topic.
Am suddenly going back into old Korean groups like ShinHwa, H.O.T, G.O.D, Noel, Fly To The Sky (not really old considered I still know Brian Joo keke)
And really, awesome lyrics everywhere, I swear.
Somehow Korean lyrics always mean so much.
Some Chinese ones don't mean ANYTHING.
To me, only some English ones make sense because in English Music, it seems like they can sing about practically ANYTHING.
And Cantopop is also the best they have the best lyrics as well.

Will now have a book with meaningful lyric translations to brush up on this.
HEY I LOVE ONE CANDLE TOO! (From 2AM hahahaha)
Seems like all my 'old' Korean songs come from covers of some new artistes kekeke.

One Candle by G.O.D
In this world,
There are many people who have less than we do.
For those who are struggling even now, we sing this song.
"Stay strong!"

Why is life so hard?
Who said that life was beautiful??
Since I was born, all that life gave me was more trials to overcome.
During those times, I looked into the mirror and asked myself, "What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this only happening to me?"
It feels like it'll never change.
Not tomorrow, or even the day after.

Don't say that
Don't crumble under the pressure
Whatever life gives you
Whatever you receive
Whatever this unfair world offers you
If you just accept it
Wouldn't you be fighting it?
Would you give up?
Would you surrender to the life that fate dealt you?
Don't bow your head to the world, don't lose strength,
Look at us.

Chorus
When you're tired and exhausted, lean on me
I will always be by your side
So that you never feel like you're alone in this world, I'll be right beside you, holding your hand.
It's too dark, I can't see the road
All I have on me is one match and one candle
What could I do with this one small candle?
How could the darkness leave by lighting this one candle?
I see the bright light far away in the distance
And here I am making vain efforts alone in the dark
I want to fly towards that bright light
But I can't - my wings fail me.

But that's not the case
So much can happen by lighting that one small candle
I believed that there was nothing else around me
But I discovered another small candle
And when I lit it, they became two
By the light of two candles, I can find more
And two becomes three, and three becomes four
And the darkness disappears

Do you remember?
We fought life without a father
That was the story of my childhood
It was true, and it was hard
But I didn't give up there,
I didn't lose my dream, I didn't lose my courage
I kept trying, and here I am now
Now I want to tell you
You can do it, too.

AREN'T THEY JUST EXTREMELY ENCOURAGING LYRICS? I feel like I've gained strength simply by reading it.
Yes, there are so many more unfortunate ones out there!!
Be contented.

Lies by G.O.D
Lie

I'm sorry...

I've become to hate you, lets break up
I met another girl
Much better than you
Don't be so disappointed, I'm usually like this
So please don't bother me anymore

Yeah, its like this, it had to be
I lied to you
Eventually I made you cry

But I had to be like this after facing your true feelings
I thought I could set things straight
My mind, my choices
Nothing could be done

If I didn't do it this way, if you didn't leave me
You know, more than anyone else
With no choice I'll decieve you, I'm sorry for
I'll make you cry
Farewell (Don't go)
Be happy (Don't leave)
Forget me, forget and move on (Don't forget me)
I'm... (Yeah, I am)
I'm okay (It hurts...)

Don't worry about me and move on (Please don't leave)
Why do you keep following me, I told you I hated it.
I told you many times that I met another girl
If you continue to be like this then I'll be angry
Please find someone else

Why are you like this, why do you make things difficult
If you continue to be like this
Then its harder for me to let you go
What is it that you like about me, like this every day
Doesn't it just make you suffer?
And if its you, then a much better man
No matter what is easier to meet (No, No)

Snap out of it stupid, please snap out of it
I'll tell you one more time, but I really hate you
So please go back, please go
I hate you, I really hate you

A man. Who loves a woman. Bitch. Just tell her how you feel will you. Why deceive her when you obviously can't let her go?

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
I’ll be able to laugh then, but
Right now I can’t do anything

Even if the weather’s nice I don’t feel nice
It seems like the weather’s mocking me
I fall into a situation where
I can’t deal with the anger and I struggle
The world apart from me is running fine
You’re living well
It’s not fair, this isn’t fair
I feel like people walking past me think I’m pitiful
I can’t do anything right

This morning I missed my stop
The bus stop I ended up getting off at,
Because I was thinking about you,
Was a stop that I wasn’t familiar with
It looked lonely, I started crying
I walked like that for a long time
I hated you so much but then I started missing you
The days I spent weak because I couldn’t
Hold onto you are so pitiful

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
I’ll be able to laugh then, but
Right now I can’t do anything about it
I can’t do anything
Just now I had another thought about you and now I’m sad
It’s going to be really hard, but I’ll keep erasing

No matter what I was it’ll sound like an excuse
Even if I say this is all for you
You’re not right for me
Uncomfortable, as if you’re wearing clothes
That don’t suit you
Beautiful, but I’m losing my strength beside you too
How do you think I felt watching that?
We shouldn’t have started at all
I shouldn’t have looked at your eyes that first time
I thought I would feel relieved after I let you go
But it’s really not like that

My head knows break ups
My heart can’t disagree, but everyday
I draw you and erase you
I’ll do all the hurting and I just want you to be happy
So this decision won’t be useless
So we don’t regret, I’ll always pray for you

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
I’ll be able to laugh then, but
Right now I can’t do anythingI can’t do anything
Just now I had another thought about you and now I’m sad

It’s going to be really hard, but I’ll keep erasing
I’m going to forget a little bit at a time
After time passes I’ll be able to laugh and remember
Don’t say time is medicine, tell me a better way
You can receive love greater than the love I gave you
You’re still beautiful
You said it would last forever
In the end, we’re still the same as everyone else

A bitter day, it will all be erased like this
I will forget someday
That day will come

To end this reeeeeeally long post. Here it is. My latest fav, A Bitter Day by HyunA, feat. Jun Hyung and G.Na; such touching lyrics too.
Okay then, bye-yeom~

BeeoneEhfour~

2011-08-07T02:05:00.000-07:00

Yes I am going for B1A4's showcase on National Day.
I don't even know why. kekekekeke~
Because I am such a lucky little girl and won the Teenage Magazine lucky draw thing.
(when @joycekoh is really the one going and she sent in so many and didn't win and I just went online to sign up for it and I got it.)
HAHAHA SO IRONIC RIGHT I KNOW BUT I'M GOING ANYWAY.

Why can't I end up winning a Beast one or something Boohoo.
But oooooh well. Now I get to see a Korean group once in my life.
Even if I don't know them well and can't even differentiate who from who but still...
O.K is a nice song.
The youuuuuuuuu~ part at the back is so addictive!

And it's a very high song~

Oh speaking of high, U-Cube's going to start their concert next week (?)
And though I can't go, I am still looking forward to the many fancams and fellow B2uties' fan accounts.
Good that I'm not part of the Beast Rising family yet.
Because I'll get hooked on and can't leave kekekeke.
so because I am going for B1A4 on Tuesday and to Lower Delta Road tomorrow to collect the showcase tickets, I am going to try to finish all my homework by today and tomorrow night.
Then devote Wednesday to ample revision like Bio and Chem and Maths.
So there.

For now, let's finish Maths and the fucking pileload of Chinese zuoye that gets on my nerve.
Fucking hate it.
But still, had my fill of computer this morning with only 2 miserable hours with it.
Had fun with only one episode of Oh! My School and 3/4 done with one episode of Happy Together with Pabo AJ, Samm D and Yong Hwa as guests.
Oh right, and Kwang Hee. kekekekekeke.
What a loud voice.

But was mainly watching youtube fancams of Taiwan B2uties and I can't help but laugh and squeal when Jokernim laughs into the mic and says
"Ne~"
in a really shy and cute voice.
Not to say recent major 2Jun infatuation so I melted when they did fanservice kekeke~
Can't deny that the "rich ass" Seobs and "rich ass's dog" maknae ssi are also the cutest ever.
Still sad that they didn't have much Prince Jang show off.

And went back to watch a few more "Beautiful" performances and looooove them.
Well, those that I watched had a few that only focused on DongSeob otp and not 2Jun so I'm like ==
But still...

I LOVE YONG JUN HYUNG WHY HE CUT HIS HAIR I CRY.
He shaved his sides a little I think.
But I really don't like it.
(not like many people really notice, but for someone like me who's anti-Shock and Bad Girl hairstyle, I love his Fiction hair and sometimes his Beautiful hair and I'm sad he cut it bwahahahaha)

Okay nevermind, he's still hot no matter what.
And I can always return to watch Fiction performances to reminisce that wonderful feeling of chasing after the boys' performances in that month.
That magnificent feeling when they thank their B2uties for their support on twitter.
That happiness when they clinched two triple crowns.
That heartfelt smile when they sang "You" so sweetly and it killed all of us.

Beast.
2AM.
Rock on.

(Jin Woonie's song is really awesome, give the maknae some credit please~)

If I have a lover.

2011-08-06T02:02:00.000-07:00

Hello I am back again; after 4 whole hours of tuishen that's driving my Maths brain crazy.
And am looking for new songs so that my wonderful MP4 may be filled with them.
But really, I'm dying to watch Oh! My School like madddddd~

I miss Seobbie and Gi Kwang fighting and Samm D and Min and Park Myeong Su and Kim ShinYoung and GyeongRim and SoYeon and EEJOONSSILOVELY!~
Imissthemaaaalll.
Oh yeah of course including H.O.T's Tony An!
Hukhuk he's so funnay.

The desperate dancer.
The dance copier.
The "Ace".
And so many more I really love the show why they have to end so fast; and I really don't like the sports meet thing boohoo~
But I have to admit KwangHee is keainess.
Weihey I will have to watch them all before Ohs so I don't feel tempted.
AHHHH but after Ohs I will catch my Korean dramas and Taiwan dramas back!
Haven't even finished Gu Mi Ho!
And Secret Garden. (absolute temptation)

But yes I will study hard for now because I have to.
And I want to.
Tuishen teacher says that if I continue doing eMaths within the 2 hour timing I might be able to get an A1!
(yayness)
and I too believe that I will, just that Anderson's Maths is once again...
zzz.

Mum is staring daggers at me now.
I shall leave.

Killer.

2011-08-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

Hello world :D
I am back and I wonder why, kekekeke.
Am listening to the radio now while slacking in between trigo solving.
Hey it might turn out quite fun after all. (:
Am going to keep doing trigo until at least eleven so I can feel confident enough to pass the test tomorrow!
Which is quite impossible, considered Anderson's Maths is like...
uhh.

Yeah, I have to agree that our school's Maths Department can be rather mad at times.
They should totally get some award for the toughest Maths papers in Singapore.
Am glad today because I passed both my tests (Bio and EMaths) with rather flying colours!

Sidetrack: OHEMGEE PLAYING CLENCHING A TIGHT FIST ON RADIO NOW AHAHAHAH BEAST FOREVER!

Yeah yeah and I have Korean people talking on teevee I wonder what Mama's watching.
Back to the topic.
I passed Bio (!) with 18/25 for Nutrition in Humans slash enzymes slash nutrients slash movement in substances.
Which is just okay because many people passed it well.
But anyways, I am glad!
I read through everything once and I got this mark.
(I shouldn't study too much in the future)

And also I got 27/40 for my EMaths test that I only got to know about on that day itself!
(Ironically I scored better for that for the other rest that I studied for, zzzz)
And yes I should always do tests in aircon because I think my brain can function better there in cold temperatures.
(optimum temperature hahaha)
And also upset because I screwed up the Chem paper.
(which I kind of saw it coming since I didn't study AT ALL)
And the fact that Miss Mok has to be the one marking it. When I don't even know if bond breaking or forming is absorb energy.

Swear she's going to come haunt me ohmygawd.
I HATE ELECTROLYSIS LA FUCK IT.
But I will start studying hard for it.
Jiayou jiayou jiayou!
So today was a rather peaceful day other than the fan event that I shall not repeat because it was quite sad and scary, phew.
And the fact that Cheryl Sima Joyce and I had a lot of fun at the canteen's piano.

Just feeling that we're getting more and more childish as time passes because it's starting to get very hard to find something fun and happy with all that stress.
And I am a nerd.
I think I heard Yun Ting say something about it last last year.
(I have a good memory)

She says I look like I have a lot of fun and very slack, but I'm actually really a nerd.
Well, I think it kinda got worse.
HAHAHAHA.
Okay now that Korean music has stopped on radio, it is a sign that I should return to have fun with Trigo since that's all I have tomorrow that's relatively important.
What should I study with Joyce in school tomorrow?
Maths?
Or finish up my Literature.
Ah maybe I should start writing the notes for the rest of the Physical Geog chapters and re read everything once first.
And perhaps do some Maths there too, I have SNGS to finish whee.
Okay okay don't luosuo already.
Bye-yeom~

(OHMYGOD JOKER'S RAP NOOOOOOOWWWWWW! ♥ FOREVERZZZZZ I'm still trying to memorise zzzzz
Good Luck to You~)

P.S. I love Korean as a language
I love ALL languages.
They're all so interesting AHAHAHAHA. (:
Saranghanda~

Why am I in such a good mood today kekekeke.
♥ bells flieslikeacola

mai ai.

2011-08-02T07:50:00.001-07:00

My eye is the painest thing on Earth ohmygoodness I can't believe this.
Some ulcer-looking thing was in my eye and now it broke and pus is everywhere.
(major gross shit I know)
But hey, at least it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

I shall have to go and sleep now so I can wake up at 4+ to study both Bio and Geog.
Awwwww.
Don't pity me, I'm actually quite happy.
That goes to show that I'm really sorta hardworking.
Kekekekekeke.
But Ohs are in 83 days!
Scary if you think about it.

And I wonder if Kelvin's prelims are over, cause we're supposed to study together.
And yeah tomorrow in school I shall study with @joycekoh (considered she's not going to be antsy because she has to return home to watch MuBank)
Seriously la, it's like only 83 days left, we should all already start destroying our Androids and computers and laptops and PSPs.
So this shall be my alleged last post, but I know I won't relent anyways ahahahaha.
But still...
This is just a blog post oh well.

My eye seems to be immune to eyedrop.
Why doesn't it seem to be comfortable, huh?
Tomorrow I will go back to school with this stupid eye and try my best to survive two tests.

I shall go and sleep now, my qin ai de.
Am writing yaoi fics lately, I don't even know why.
(along with @joycekoh and @angelaong hahahaha)
But I love yaoi fics!
Reading... and writing.
But it's so explicit, @angelaong and I are cringing uncontrollably when we're writing.

Chapter three only, and it's going to be so GROSSSSSSS.
Ohmygosh.

Okay okay okay, go sleep le la.
Chumuseyo, yeoreobun~

My mirror mirror~

2011-07-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

Hai wo qin ai de peng you men.
(although I'm the only peng you of myself, sigh)

Today was fun manzzz.
Although Angela and Joyce ended up not doing much work ahahahah, and I did a rather impressive amount of Maths. (self-happiness)
But we had a lot of fun playing together and coming up with the playlist thing AHAHAHA.

What do you think of gays?

Fiction.

hahahahahahahahah. Gays are a fiction to me.
(my playlist is undeniably the best)
And we didn't get to go the library because it was really crowded. (not to say we saw Sebastian there too, but whatever)

I really have to start stressing myself out now, because it's really crucial of me.
Everytime I sit in school and have principals and teachers lecture me about the exams, I feel so fueled to work hard.
(that's why I think I should stay in the school library till 8 to study because I can only it there uhhuh)
But when I come home I feel so distracted to go on twitter or on facebook to earn my social life back.
Not today, of course, not after I have done a rather okay amount of homework and some that are actually due later.

Not talking about Geog Bio and Chem revision here, though.
And I don't think I know what's tested for next week's Maths.
Hope it's something easy.

And speaking of which, I'm still quite glad that I knew how to do at least 3/4 of my Amaths paper!
*clapsclapsclaps*

What, it isn't easy for me to even know how to do half normally, kekeke.
So I'm hoping I might get a rather good pass to this, ehehhehe.
And I am totally giving up on the Chem test I took cause I don't know what I was doing AHAHA.
And going to give up for the next one because it's on electrolysis.
*plays scary music*
I am not good at it and not going to pretend that I am.
And there's a Geog test next week. Though I am confident about it, I am not going to risk it, yknow.
Especially when it's my weakest Physical Geog.
(when I mean it's my weaker one, it means it's just averagely good, because I have awesome Human Geog)

And am going to start revising for it since it's gonna be here in two weeks and it's the very first paper.
And I am going to get at A1 for Geog, so NOT GOING TO LET PHYSICAL GEOG FOIL MY PLANS.
I love love love love love love love love Geography muahaha.
(ehehehe I got 92 marks leh I can afford to be haughty)
And I am going to get <20 for my prelims!
I swear.
Nah, but if I don't, there's nothing I can do I guess.

So I will check if my Korean teacher has returned my email, go to facebook and get more BEAST pictures and watch some BEAST videos and check out JinWoon's song.
Then I will log off and do my Maths homework, and study some Biology and Geography.
Yeah baby baby baby baby.
Ahahahah okay hao ba, wo shall go and drink some soup.
And watch teevee! That new Hong Kong looks so awesome!

Hehehehehehe. Hao ba. Zai jian.

neon jeong mal mystery mystery, why?

To Beast or not to Beast.

2011-07-24T03:42:00.000-07:00

Hello to everybady.
Tomorrow's the Biology test and I'm so fueled to do well for it, but I can't seem to remember everything.
(shall go back and read it for another 3 times or something)

Was very sad when Madam Wong lectured us about our work and felt uber guilty.
Therefore now I am going to do my Bio and my Maths and my SS (which I haven't done since forever that's why I should probably start now)

But for now, just allow me to be here for a while.
Yes I got my Beast's Limited Edition Fiction And Fact Album!
Though I appeared very calm on the outside, I was actually very excited about it and I can't say how much I love the poster!

I mean there were absolutely HOT pictures in the lyrics book, but I really loved the poster and I will go and laminate it once I have the money I swear.
Jun Hyung looks smokin', and I totally love Prince Jang's look.

I know I'm so into Seob and Prince Jang lately, but nothing will change my love for Jae Soonie.
(kekekeke yeap I have to agree Jae Soon is a terrible name)
Maybe Prince Jang is just winning by a little lately...
keke.

^^
Isn't Prince Jang just pure awesome.
Can't understand how @joycekoh can like AJ more than Prince Jang, and how @angelaong can dislike him.
I love him!!
He's the funniest 4-dimensional high-classed eyeliner-addict lazy noisy Prince Jang!
And he's so pretty too, sigh...

No but jyeah who cares my Jun Hyungie is the best~
LALALALALA.
And Seobbie is cute too ahaha. But the main reason why I LOVE Mister Yang Yo Seob is simply because of that angelic voice I cannot resist.

I have a thing for people with beautiful voices. (look at 2AM keke)
But yes, I am addicted to Yo Seob's "I Cherish That Person" in My Princess's OST, his duet with Ga Yoon of 4minute, his song "Happy Birthday" in "More Charming by The Day" OST, his power vocals in "Thanks To" with Dragon nim, and lately, his awesome adlibs with U-Cube "Fly So High".

(Speaking of which Mister Yong why you having so much fun ahahah I love you please have more fun)
And our maknae Male God Son sounds so nice in Fly So High too!
Unnie can now recognise Prince Jang as the "cute one" (as she said as I forced her to watch Radio Star with me; I watched it thrice ahahah)
Son Male God as the "Ang Moh"
Yoon leader as the "Chicken Man" (massive JoKwon-GaIn wgm thing keke)
Yang Yang Yang Yang Yo Seob as the "one with the big eyes"

And she remembers Gi Kwang's name and Jun Hyung's name (honour of yours sincerely), but she says if they come out individually she probably can't identify them.
I rolled eyes.
But she says Male God is handsome. (Of course, he's the visual-in-charge)

And I loved it that she found Prince Jang cute. (because he totally is freaking cute ahahahaha I love Jang Hyun Seung man he's the best)
And...
I don't dislike Gi Kwang really, but...
just a little lesser.

AHAHAHAH FINISH SPAZZING BACK TO BIO AND MATHS BYEEE~

To hear a heartbreak as loud as my musical.

2011-07-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just feel that life is here to give us torture.
I admit, there are beautiful times here; joyous moments here and there.
But really, how much can we take?

I kind of lost it during Biology class, when he said something like that.
I didn't exactly leave the class impolitely, but I have to admit, I was really upset for his stereotyping.
I disliked his tone.
What would she now think whenever she sees him now?

I have experienced that pain.
That pain you feel when someone throws you that harsh sentence that condemns your death.
Do you understand the pain when the words sink in?
The torture that bugs you whenever you take another second look at the person?
It's the kind of words that will make your life miserable once you even imagine the words.
I really...

I guess I could understand her pain, and his cruelty for saying such words.
He shouldn't be. He is not in the position to.
Not when all of us are so worn out from the realities in the world, and we're just trying to suggest some things you might be able to do to help us.
I don't see how your words may help me, sir.
They make me feel even worse.
I feel like I'm worthless and that there is really something wrong with me.

Yes, I am dejected. I am disappointed with myself.
When I'm just sitting alone staring into blank space, I don't know what comes over me.
I can't find another reason to cry.
I keep feeling like there's this pressure over me, hovering over my head.
It threatens to fall.
And so I will sit there, trying to find some reason to cry for.
I act out a scene by myself, try to remember some of the memories that used to hurt me.
And then my tears flow.
As if letting them leave my eyes will help to relieve that pressure above my head.

Sometimes I just want to run away.
To break down and cry before everyone, telling them how much pain I'm feeling now.
I'm stressed.
Yes, that's official.
And yet I maintain that image before my friends, that I am a person who enjoys life, that I can't care less about things.
Deep in me, my heart sinks.
I'm so dejected.

My heart is crying, but I don't feel pain; I feel this notion over me.
I'm choking up my life.
And I can't breathe properly.
(literally, as well.)
Life is so depressing.

-

I should be either doing my zuo ye or Maths right now, but I choose to go online and pass up my Korean homework.
I... shall persuade myself that I am not sad.

눈물 흘러.

지금 너는 내 옆에 없잖아
그게 사실이야 믿고 싶지 않아

It's like I'm walking on broken glass.

2011-07-20T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yes I do realise that there is a Chemistry test and A Maths test tomorrow and it's currently 10pm and I have done ABSOLUTELY nothing at all except for sit in front of the computer and pretend that nothing's happening.

Nope, not really, but then I can always not sleep again.
Or perhaps not give a shit to all this crap that's sucking all my life and energy away.
(ironic again considered that I'm using the computer now, which means I'm not really concerned)

Well, of course I am. The big Ohs are coming in D-95 and here I am still loitering on Blogger when no one ever reads this anymore.
But don't we all need to vent our anger or frustration somewhere else once in a while?
So yeah.

I am here, self-indulging in Beast videos and convincing myself that it is absolutely fine for me to do that.
But really, my subconscious mind is bugging me and telling me if I'm going to continue being this slack, I will cry when the results for the Ohs return.
So I will try my very best to resist temptation to look at comments on my fanfics on the 2AM forum.
Yes.

Or to see if Beast has any other shows.
Speaking of which next week's Radio Star should be Beast yet again. Another excuse argh.
But hopefully after these 2 torturous weeks of exam-filled days, we finally get to breathe again.
And then be able to fully concentrate on revising and not just studying for the topics that are tested.
(constant reminder that there are two tests tomorrow and I'm sitting so leisurely here)

Well, tomorrow is Racial Harmony Day, so Imma wear a really nice punjabi, take pictures, and use it as a lousy excuse to say that I have no mood to excel a test in such a joyous mood.
Yes it's reaaaally lousy, but I don't give shit.

I think A Maths is just...
A Maths.
There's really nothing much I can do about it.
And Chem's no feat, just that the Periodic Table constantly gets on my nerves.
(yes I'm more of a mole concept girl)

I hate memorising stuff when you can just use common sense for some things, you know.
Like mole concept, just get it.
Just understand a portion of it, everything else just comes naturally and the next thing you need is just a calculator.
Fullstop!

Why bother yourself to remember if the reactivity increases or decreases down the group or what.
Who cares man.
I don't want to know what noble gases are capable of, okay?
I want to lead a life happily knowing that there are many gases in the air and made up of mainly nitrogen (78-79%) and that's all I need and want to know.
So don't trouble me with all this memorising shit, cause I cannot memorise stuff when I want to; I only remember unimportant stuff.
I wonder if Miss Mok expects us to wear our uniform during her SPA.
I don't really wanna care, but I'm going to bring my uniform anyways.

Just in case.
I don't want to feel her wrath.
And experience her wave of fury.
And yes yes yes on Saturday I am going out with @joycekoh and @angelaong to go and study!
(and perhaps mainly because I am going to collect my BEAST's Fiction and Fact album)

AHAHAH I am so excited I can't wait.
This is the sense of anticipation I am talking about.
So for now, I will work hard, so I will be able to sweep all these off the charts when I get a <10 mark for my Ohs and I arrive at the City of Sparkling Korea.
Yep yep so here is my motivation.
Now all I need is some determination and some clever brain cells, tyvm.

I doubt there's anyone not studying Chem like me.
So funny when it comes to Bio and everyone's like I don't care fail fail la, it's not counted right.
And when it comes to Chem it's like
HAR CHEM WAHLAO HAVE TO STUDY LIKE SIAO LIAO.
I think I'm the only one who treats Bio with more love than Chem.

Hello how can you blame me when I'm finally out of Miss Mok's clutches.
And I love Bio how can you not love it when it's so interesting.
(in the hope that I might be able to keep this whole trend of passing both Chem and Bio for all the tests in CA2)

And a big hope to perhaps get more than 50 marks in all the A Maths test so I won't be forced to drop it.
Well, it's only been one test and I got 19.
I think that's fine hmm.
I have to pass this one.
Isn't indices surds and log and modulus supposed to be puny or something?

(gawd I feel like I'm falling into Yang Yo Seob's cuteness again.
Why why why I apparently like hot guys like Mister Yong AHAHAH BUT I LOVE HIS SHYNESS AND SUBTLE AEGYO TOO)
The thing about @angelaong is, she likes Jun Hyung, but she only likes his face.
The thing about her is, all the idols she admires, with the exception of her SS501, she doesn't seem to care about their characters and how they act and how cute they are and how are they in private.

She just looks at their faces.
"Ahh that one is hot I like that one."
For me, I'm the sort who's like:
"Ah, that one, he looks cute/hot. Let's go wiki him. And watch videos of him (to see how he normally is)."
Then I will grow to know the group.

Well, the current group I really want to know is MBLAQ, because I'm in the state of knowing no one but Seung Ho, G.O. and Joon.
I mean to the extent of matching the face with the name.
I keep forgetting about Mir.
His name I mean.

But yeah, the thing about a group is, first, I'll fall in love with their music. (with some exceptions, for example their persona on variety shows etc.)
For 2AM, it was a Kwon on WGM thing, so I guess I loved his carefreeness and his cute little smile and infectious little chuckle.
Then I listened to their music and I was totally infatuated, then I started to look into Kwon's kkab, to understand the other members.
For BEAST then, I guess I could say I have always admired their music.

A lot.
When Shock came out, I have to admit I was impressed.
It was till Soom that I started to take notice of each of them and their names, how old they were.
But no, I didn't recognise GiKwang first, like everyone would.
It was Yoonleader that caught my attention in the first place, and yes, for a while, I was in love with Yoon Doo Bong.

How can you resist those eyes and that sense of humour.
But then I started to recognise Yo Seob, then Gi Kwang, then Jun Hyung (honour of @angelaong) and then Dong Woon then Hyun Seung.
I have to say, I was totally turned when @jieyi introduced "On Rainy Days" to me.
It was the best thing that happened.

(which kind of explains why I'm very upset that some fuckass ministry banned the song)
And then I sort of got onto the other side.
So yes, Beast had debuted in 2009, and here I am in 2011, finally fully in love with them.

I had started off liking their music, like most of the other groups, and I have to say that I really like all of their songs.
When I wasn't such a big fan, I used to tell people that though I didn't know BEAST very well, they had really magnificent music.
It wasn't just the composing, it was the whole feeling that got to me.
Everything seems to be in place.
Yo Seob sings, Doo Joon talks, Jun Hyung raps, Hyun Seung and Gi Kwang dance, while Dong Woon does the visual effects.
Everything seems to be there for them and them only.
I appreciated that.

Their catchy songs, their ballads, their emotional songs. I have to say I like all of them.
Not just because all of them have really nice tunes, but I can feel the heart in the song.
I can understand the pain when they sing the ballads, I bop my head to the rhythm to their fast songs.
It's something I can relate to.
And here, I am officially on the dark side.
Welcome.

♥, bells.

This is the best time to fly~

2011-07-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

HELLO :D
Had been rotting at home doing my A Maths papers and watching Secret Garden.
(omg monalisa is such a nice song Joon forever muahahaha)

And my Fiction and Fact is still not here yet. *bites lips*
Aww man I want something to make my life a little happier here you know.
And I so want to buy the "So Beast" Japanese album when it comes out in August, but we all know how expensive Jap albums are.

Self-indulgence of Beast's Radio Star and was laughing till my stomach hurt.
HAHA.
Yong Jae Soon ah, you sure you have the best acting?!
(and Mister Kim HeeChul, just because both of you are in the Chocoball Club means you say something like that to him?)
Got beat up just cause he was moving to the rhythm in the train.
So wronged.

Ahahaa but so guai. Took down his specs and got hit like mad.
But fierce Mister Yong doesn't look like he'll back off without putting up a fight.
Well, then, he was a young mister Yong.

(awesome popping back there, too)
And yes yes yes

HARRY POTTER WAS AWESOME I TELL YOU.
Well, of course it wasn't as good as the book, but it was at least HALF that good.
(unlike twilight, of course. The book's nice, but the movie's just... ugh)
Maybe it's because I have absolutely no liking for the two main characters, with the exception of perhaps Taylor Lautner ahaha

D-d-d-d-d-dancing shoeeeesss~
I love that song, am wondering why I never had that song before.
It's awesome, man!

And Boyfriend's Boyfriend is stuck in my head for like forever I can't stand it.
It's so annoying.

YES I LOVE YOU.
now I shall go do maths ahaha.

Love,
bells.

It isn't easy to fill up an empty space.

2011-07-09T04:30:00.000-07:00

[Kikwang] I told you to go, to go away
I replied back to you that I didn’t like you
because I thought I wasn’t going to see you again

[Dongwoon]I wanted to embrace you with my two arms, but I couldn’t do that
Because I thought I was going to cry first

[Hyunseung] We can live apart
There is a farewell for us too
Only the fake laugh is coming out

[Doojoon] I will send you away
So hurry up and go to be happy
Clenching my fists tight, I started to cry

[Yoseob] We can’t meet again, now we really can’t meet
I bit my lips at these cold icy words
I don’t want to look back, I don’t want to ever look back
I tell myself over and over again, but I can’t do that

[Junhyung] After that, the dreams of me finding you repeats again
Just staring into your back, you don’t smile back looking at me
I happily greet you even though there is no response from you
I do this so that I won’t end up regretting after I wake up from this dream
It isn’t easy to fill up a blank space
The memories just shine a light to where you are
Words that I don’t even mean anything, I send them to you
Clenching my fists tight, Good luck to you

[Kikwang] I didn’t know it was this hard walking back home
My heart is too stuffed up

[Doojoon] I need to live better
I need to fight this off
No matter how much I tell myself
It is so hard because thoughts of you roam in my mind

[Yoseob] We can’t meet again, now we really can’t meet
I bit my lips at these cold icy words
I don’t want to look back, I don’t want to ever look back
I tell myself over and over again, but I can’t do that

[Hyunseung] Even though I tell myself that I will forget a girl like you
Even though I tell myself that I will never look at a girl like you
But again I can’t forget you

[Yoseob] We loved each other, we really loved each other
Why are we breaking up like this?(Let’s not break up)
Telling me that you couldn’t live without me,
Telling me that you were going to die without me
You, who used to say such things,
Where did you go?
Where did you go?

AH I love BEAST why does Joker nim have such great talents? The rap lyrics are so touching I'm going to cry soon.

Yes yes it isn't easy to fill up a blank space, because all the memories shine a light to where you are.
I am so easily touched.
Am back from my tuishen but all I do is use the computer when I have shit loads of Maths papers and to study for 8 tests next week.
SIGH SIGH MAJOR SIGH.
But I will study.
Later.

Or maybe tomorrow, since I'm going out to return the library books I might just as well go and enjoy the aircon there while doing Maths.
WHOOYAY.
But the teachers haven't told us which day the Bio slash Chem tests are on.
Oh well oh well.

My shoulders hurt.
But I had alot of fun looking at almost (or maybe ALLLLLL) of Beast's Special stages.
As in the song is called "Special" la dumbdumb.
So awesome eh the song, so high~

High high I'm so high~
(okay wrong song)

And Seobbie has awesome black hair in one of the concert stages and our Yong's monkey gold hair.
(doesn't sound too attractive, but he's hot, who cares)
And yeah I realised our Yong ssi has hidden aegyo.
Whenever he sings the "neowana ije let's go" part, he always pouts his lips after the "GO".

ahahahahah why you sho kyuteeee qin ai de.
It's officially 7:43 now but since there's no school tomorrow, the night is still young.
(technically it's still evening, so wazaaaaaaaaap)

The G2O song is catchy (I'm not just saying it because Yong ssi is part of the production crew okays)
He's darn awesome.
(and here I am still forgetting about Jun Hara)
Because I am still convinced that it's a stupid gimmick on-screen, suck on it.
Ends up that I didn't go back to watch that don't-know-how-many episodes of Oh! My School for either Samm D or Seob ah.

Because I went to bed at like 9 or something ahahaha.
Thirteen hours of sleep for the win!
But it seems that another 5 hours of Math tuition makes me sleepy again AHAHAHA.
But I like Math.

EMath is interesting!
AMath is... if you know how to do it.
HAHA.
Which I cannot, so perhaps that's why I don't like Amath.
Seriously thought of dropping AMath, but feel like it will let down my tuition teacher and my mum at the same time.
(not to say me is paid the O level fees in cash already. Feeling the pinch)
So yeah, I'm going to keep trying out for AMath until I die.

Then I don't have to take O Levels yea~
Stupid reason to die for, though, I guess.

(I wanna go to Korea and speak a whole bunch of English in the British accent right in front of Onew's face because I cannot stand the people who scoffed YoSeob's English for his.
What?! Pop songs can be sung with not so good English as long as they sound nice GO LOOK AT MISTER JOKWON SSI WHO SINGS 'SLOW MOTION' EFFING WELL)

Why am I against Onew when he's just such a darling.
@iyeij Yes yes I agree that Singapore is SHINee dominated.
That's why we have B2UTIES and IAMs (like myself) to balance out the SHAWOL world.
JYEAH HELL YEAH B2UTIES IAMS FOR THE WIN.

Being a BEAST fan is awesome, you can praise yourself without feeling embarrassed.
"I'm a beauty!"
"What, you're BEAST's fan?"
"No, I'm just... a beauty?! What you talking about?"
*dies* "Thick-skinned fellow..."

"I'm a beauty!"
*looks* "Are you being thick-skinned too?"
"What? No! I'm BEAST's fan!"
"Oh really? Me too! woots~"

See?
So IAM a B2UTY! (according to @joycekoh this is a pun.
This is NOT a pun.
Does anyone even know the definition of a pun?)

Mister Fadzly: "*in Geog* so next lesson we're going to touch on 'water', which is going to be quite dry."
THIS is a pun.
A huge pun. Even though he didn't say it intentionally, but it's so funnay.
Okay.
I shall now keep my word and go watch tonnes of Oh! My School and perhaps update.
Perhaps.

Sho shad, why nobody comments on my story. I still find it rather awesome, don't you think?
Oh wait, right, nobody reads this anymore.
Forget it Bella, you're the only one who uses Blogger anymore. (Blogger don't close down my blog just cause of that statement.
I have happy memories here.)

Love, bells

Mystery, Mystery (why?)~

2011-07-08T02:30:00.001-07:00

My head is hurting like mad. My eyes don't feel like closing, but my head hurts like shit I want to die.
Haven't been doing much work and is glad that the integration test was do-able (though Imma fail it again anyway)
Think I screwed up the O Level Chem Spa Skill three thing, but fuckyeah it's over.

I should be sleeping now.
But instead I'm here and there watching Immortal Song 2, Music Videos, KPOP Charts, FanCams, BEAST's Fiction Wins, Music Bank/Core/Inki Stages, Concert Cams, random variety shows BEAST were on, and perhaps just a lot more of Oh! My School later
(for the sake of my constant infatuation over Samm D HAHAH nahnahnah I'm watching for Seob okays.)

And OHEMGEE has anyone heard Hee Chul's version of Shock on radio?
It drives people crazy; it's so freaking funny my tummy hurts.
Couldn't get on beat for Dragon-nim's rap in the front so he couldn't care less and just ignored the whole last line.
In the whole song he couldn't catch up cause he said there were too many words.
Voice cracking here and there, yelling there and here.
And when he reached the second Dragon-nim's rap, he says "Ah Yong Jun Hyung you're doing well" which made me laugh even harder.

"Oh lalalalalalala~" and he does it really strange.
"Mothae~ Ireoke~" and he goes high-pitched at the end.
And you wonder why Dragon-nim's called Joker. Cause he has a true 'joker' bud Kim Hee Chul.

Aza I really really is want to sleep.
And yay yesterday our BEAST boys won the Mnet Hottest Performance thing (chukahaeyo~)
Mnet's being overrated all over again.
Yes I hate Music Bank's cameras, I don't have much chance to watch Inki, but I still don't like Mnet.
I love MuBank's special shows, though, like BEAST's Yayaya stage (and I thank MuBank for that for making our Dragon-nim enjoy himself *don't deny, it's obvious* and me enjoying his sexayness doing the dance)

MuBank is a creative music programme, tyvm, but it stops at there.
Somebody should do something about the glaring lighting and the stupid distracting camera views.

Am lazy to go out to eat with Unni but she doesn't seems to mind.
Well, of course she doesn't.
Facebook is so boring now, and twitter hates my computer(s), so Youtube plays with me all day
(speaking of which I'm still fed up that I can't find the compilated videos of Dragon-nim's singing clips UGH)

And speaking of fed up, I want to scold Xing.
Darn you Xing, for putting my Yong ah in slave contract, letting Kevin all that, when he's obviously so cute and young and has such a freah image.
Your loss, because you let him slip by your hands and made another generation of Xing, which is equally as phail.

And this awesome little kid gets through bad experiences and goes to Cube Ent. and is now the main rapper of BEAST, the ever-so popular group.
so screw you, and you deserve to die.
But I'm glad you did, you made our Joker-nim understand more about the people around him, how he should protect himself (not by being chic, of course)
You made him a matured Yong Jun Hyung who treats his fans as his girlfriends, one who cherishes everything around him.

So I thank you, even though I am scolding you, because it was you, who made him a better man.
(Why am I sidetracking)

I am fed up that Kevin gets to sing like 99% of "My Girl" (I'm not exaggerating, it's true) and a whole chunk of "Study Abroad"?
And how can you guys give the other distorted looking members (who I don't even know who) more air-time than our Yong ah when he's obviously the cuter one (unless he isn't smiling; which he really isn't)
I am so upset.

But hey, it's over.
Doesn't matter much anymore as long as my Yong gets to do the things he loves now, be with the members he loves now, being with the woman *coughcough* he likes now.
This is enough.
But still, going back to watch it still makes me fume.
(then don't go back and watch)
But then I will start to miss Yong ah's ever-so-innocent little face smiling at me.
(I am delusional and likes to find trouble for myself, I have no one to blame. That shy face is addictive; like how I'm addicted to Samm D azzzza!~)

Do you think Yong ah still has a good relationship with Kevin? They don't really talk much about each other anymore, you know.
(unlike our Prince Jang with the Big Bang boys)

Has anyone noticed that no matter WHATEVER happens, our JunSeob couple always gets the microphone? The handheld one.
Because one is the ever awesome main vocal Yang Yo Seob who can handle any live song, and our sexiest rapper Yong Jun Hyung who doesn't really get to sing much, so it's okay for him to hold it AHAHAH

Why am I mocking him for that.
But lately, Yang ssi and Yong ssi seem to have changed their positions for a while.
"Main Vocal Yong Jun Hyung! Rapper Yang Yo Seob!"
These jokers even say that in MuBank's backstage.
Yong ah don't do that anymore, that will give your yeobo Seob a fright and he can't react in time you know?

So Yong ssi sings a bit of Freeze and Yang ssi just act the whole thing out by "Check Check" ing, which sucks most of the time, cause it just stops there.
But I'd rather he not, we have all seen the outcome of our main vocal's attempt at rapping in Every1 Countdown.

And Yong ssi is still a meanie for laughing at Yang ssi's rendition of his rap.
MEANASS, BUT WHY DO I STILL LOVE YOU?!

Okay, let's go watch "baekjeom manjeom" now.
Aza but you need to sleep.

Screw sleep.

Love, bells.
P.S. I should also be updating my fanfic but I'm so tired I can't think anymore. It's so boring (because no one's reading boohoo)

And I swear.

2011-07-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

And I swear my eyes are closing soon, but all I did was come back and use the computer like mad geez.
And didn't do my homework.
OHMAIGAWD.

(5hours of sleep in a whole 24 hours whattheshit)
And updated my fanfic ahhhh so shiok.
But I really need to do integration and partial fractions and chinese and get some sleep.
Coke coke coke is addicting, no wonder my Dragon nim loves it.
*yawns* wonder how long more I can take.

Jyeah coming home early tomorrow I can sleep my ass off.
And then wake up and do my work and revise during the weekends with @angelaong and @joycekoh because I am such an awesome little girl.

hardworkinggirls.moe.edu.sg
Sigh.
Back to watching Ryan Higa why he so cute and awesome.
AZA.
And the Fiction Comeback Stage just gets awesomer by everytime I watch it.

AND THE STREET OUTDOOR STAGE WAS THE BEST TOO~
Ahhh I want to sleep and die.
I want to go to sleep and die in my sleep.

Don't wanna wake up.
Don't wanna think.
So, will you be a kind soul and put some Dragon nim in my dreams so I'll at least have a peaceful escape?
Hara is a nice girl; I was just momentarily shocked and unhappy about Jun Hara, I guess.
I am neutral, I swear.

I know I talk so much about them being together and how it upsets me sometimes, but I'm just leaving it as that.
AND YES I ORDERED MY BEAST FICTION AND FACT LIMITED EDITION ALBUM!
(though it's expensive; and I need to go all the way to Choa Chu Kang)
I love the fact that it's coming.
It's suddenly this feeling that makes me anticipate for stuff again. Once more.

Dashi reul~
Okay okay okay go and be a guaikia and do your chinese slash maths.

Love, bells

THEN. THEN. THEN.

2011-07-06T04:26:00.001-07:00

Didn't sleep last night cause I have no idea what I was doing and now I think I'm dying.
How the heck am I going to get up and do my homework again huh?

Should watch TV and sleep until Unnie returns at 11 and I've gained 4 hours of sleep and then start doing work from 11. Or maybe just watch some TV and do some work.

And then go sleep at like 10 or something. HAHAHAHA.
Am back to watching B2ST Almighty Episode 3 (or four, I don't remember) to reminisce the really hilarious scenes in the making of the "Mystery" Music Video.

Jun Hyung: "Hey kids, let's start filming now~" *he gets ignored and he paces around for another 2 seconds*
"I'm going to swear~"

Vulgar little fellow who probably learnt all the stuff from his Shim Sa Dong Ho Raeng I hyung (TIGER~)
Awesome song-writer, him.
And went to watch MBC's Every1 Countdown where BEAST kids went to make their own song.

ALL I CAN SAY IS DRAGON-NIM WHY ARE YOU SO TALENTED IN LYRICS WRITING?
He should go and earn some money from there (which he already is and probably spends all of it on Coke AHAHA)
Doo Joon and his playing around, Hyun Seung is just epic shitz.

"Tian Mi Mi, Ni Xiao De Tian Mi Mi~"
It's supposed to make a lot of sense to me considered my Chinese standard, but when it comes out from Prince Jang's mouth it sounds like some alien thing.
The kids all laughed like shitz. HAHAH SO DID I.

What kind of a song is that to sing to encourage the university people (I think)

Prince Jang: "It's not the same song. It's just similar. (to Tian Mi Mi) *throes of laughter, especially from Dong Woon*
"If I were born first does that mean I have the right to sue the dude for plagiarising?"

No wonder you're 4D Prince Jang. You have a perfect nickname.
And then from B2ST Almighty, Jun Hyung rolling on the floor because of Dong Woon's ridiculous shaking of his body (like the "Shock" bridge) after eating curry.

HAHA.
And Yang Yo Soon, you top-star actress who stars in all of the nation's Music Videos, why are you so pretty anyway?
Went for plastic surgery?
AHA.

These kids are pure madness man, but hey, that's why they're awesome.
(And JoKwon nim's rendition of their own masterpiece "Growing Pain". KKABKWON WHOOHOO I LOVE YOU LOADS WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE HUH?)
Am wondering why the 2AM boys aren't on variety shows often anymore.
Kwon ah's busy with "All My Love", maknae Jin Woonie with his solo album, Seul Ongie... Chang Min omma...

DOUCHE ARE THEY REALLY SO BEEZEE?
Let my AM boys rest for a while~
And of course my BI SEU TEU kids as well.
They all look so tired. (especially Yang Yang Yang Yang Yo Seob/ Yo Soon ssi and our Yoon Leader, who constantly looks so worn out anyways)

Well, uli Dragon-nim hasn't been out lately, but he looks just as tired as I am. *yawns*
I shall try and do most of my work and if I can't I'll just end up sleeping in the living room.

OH WELL IT'S WORK OF COURSE I'LL FALL ASLEEP WHAT AM I THINKING.
And another test on Friday.
And O Level Chem Spa Skill 3 tomorrow after school.

shitzs speaking of which I haven't, and cannot study cuzza @leehuien ssi borrowed my Chem Textbook and returned me only after I left school. -.-
Sigh.

Oh well one less thing to do then.

OH JYEA FADZ'S WORK.
I hate owing teachers work. Or owing people money. Or owing anyone anything.
People should try to draw a line between these kind of stuff.
I'm not selfish, but if I were to let you off cause I know you well, I'm never getting what I gave back.

GEEZ arvin's seriously getting on my nerves but I just choose to shut up because I don't want any conflicts to arise.
It's so sad how those 2/5 boys I was close are now so distant from me.
They are really nice people. I didn't change much, I think.

So what did?
Sigh.
He did.

He probably told the whole world about it when he was the one who coldly said that he didn't care; and how it didn't bother him anymore.
WELL SUCK ON IT. AND SCREW YOU.
Because friends who only listen and trust your own good friend's side of the story, are people blinded by friendship, and do not understand that a good relationship is not based on things like that.

I don't need friends like that. So know what?
Keep them for yourself, so you might be able to save yourself from further embarrassment as you step on someone else's dignity.
Shame on you.

bells.

Konichiwa; I don't wanna let you go~

2011-07-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxh6Ef83620
AZAAAA ANNYEONG PEOPLE.
I know I should technically be doing Chemistry/Biology/Mathematics revision now instead of doing this, but since I'm staying up, and the night is still young (not true), I decided to blog MUAHAHAHAHA.

JYEAH life sucks we have so many after school lessons, but we're secondary four people, it's hard to expect much anymorez.

And then I haven't really any revision yet so until I get bored of trying to watch Oh! My School (just for the sake of Yang Yang Yangderella Yang Yo Seob; and the fact the I found an awesome link to watch it), I shall listen to songs on the computer and try to concentrate.

Omma's out back to her hometown with Grandma for like a week, so we're on our own now. (we as in Unnie and I)
But mainly it's just going to be me cause
1. Unnie can't care less.
2. She's so busy doing other stuff like working and Idon'tevenknowwhat

She always seems like she's in a bad mood and she snaps at me for that.
You know, like mother, like daughter.

Think both of them caught the super PMS genes and just can't care less; and yell/shout at people when they're upset.
(whythefuckamistuckwithpeoplelikethatanyway)

Anyhoo, just saw on FaceBook (yeah it's still there) that Welcome to Beast Airline might be coming in September.

NONONONONONO I thought that was United Cube?
Kids you like Singapore so much you want to hold two concerts in one month and drive all your B2UTIES to become beggars?

And once again, have a heart for the "O" Level people.
Just because we're taking the national exams this year doesn't mean we don't get to do anything (which we are already deprived of anyways)

And you can be sure that I (or maybe plus @iyeij) will go to @hongcube and write a 50 page long petition.
(nah I'm just exaggerating)

I love the fact my Ange-Jun Hyung fanfiction is garnering alot of love from people.
It gives me great pleasure to write it and to see people's reactions.
(which brings me back to the point that @angelaong should start having nice reactions for me considered it's about her... nonono a girl with the same name)

JYEAH WHAT THE HELL.
You're the protaganist (omgspellingshit) and you're just going to be cool about it?
WHAT NONSENSE.

(and a whole bunch of vulgarities I shouldn't be posting on a public page)
It's not really something worth to swear about, but I admit it's sort of annoying, you know.
Like I'm being awesome here trying to write this nice pretty story for you and all you do is.

"Mmhmm yeah I finished reading already."
It isn't I tell you that I'm dissatisfied with your reaction that you give me a perfect "KYAAAAAAAA~" that I want to hear.
==

People like you should never go on variety shows cause you'll get kicked out sooner or later.
(I think I can cause I'm born funny. And with a good logic thinking and a fast brain)

AZZZAAAA (are you done praising yourself)
I realised fatigue makes you high (me at least) just as much as chocolates work for me.
(Late afternoons work for Iylia)

AM I GLAD THERE'RE NO EXTRA LESSONS TOMORROW THAT'S WHY I'M WILLING TO STAY UP! (because I'll just come home and sleep and hopefully get up to get some homework done, then go back to sleep)
#pigforeverandever

Why is Mister Yong Jun Hyung so chic that no one likes to invite him to variety shows (they think he doesn't have a sense of humour)

And I'm like WTFFFFFF HE'S THE FUNNIEST SECOND TO HYUN SEUNG OKAY.
Though Beauty Prince Jang depends mostly on his annoyingness and lousy gags.
Mister Yong is not NOT FUNNY okay.

He just doesn't talk much to people he doesn't know well, and he's really quiet.
But when he opens his mouth, it doesn't even need to be a joke, or to sound like one, to be one!

(I think he's born funny too; or perhaps I'm the only one amused by him here HAHAHA)
Whynot, he has this classy chic face and everyone keeps thinking he's really posh and cool and all that.

But deep down he's just another stupid little fool who tries to act angmoh and hiphop (okay so he is hiphop) and can't help but scold vulgarities at his members.
YA I WARN YOU DON'T INFLUENCED YANG YANG YANG.
(have this habit to repeat Yang thrice before saying Yang Yo Seob because I watched the Shin PD Variety Show and they had to say it so many times I'm affected too)

Son Dong Woon you black hole.

(Oh! My School)
Yo Seob: "We have two members in our group who have really good fashion sense."
GyeongRim: "GiKwang and Doo Joon?"
Yo Seob: *annoyed face* "No, no. They're just popular!"
OUTBURST OF LAUGHTER.

Ends up the two members with awesome fashion sense is none other than Mister Dragon-nim and our dearest Prince Jang who earns his name due to a legendary pair of "Aladdin Pants".

YANG YO SEOB I KNOW YOU'RE HONEST WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DIRECT?!
Imagine if Pabo AJ or Yoon Leader saw this (which they most probably did), how hurt are they going to be?

(Even if it's a on-screen effect, Mister Yang still earns my praises. WITTY LITTLE DANCE COPIER, I AM FALLING INTO YOUR TRAP SOON)

Love,
bells

I always think about you~

2011-07-04T02:40:00.000-07:00

JYEAH HELL YEAH.

Firstly,
SAENGILCHUKAHAMNIDA TO OUR DEAREST YOONDOOBONG!
(had the wishes the last post so I shall spare you guys the torture for this one)
@Joker891219 is a cuteass.

"Leadernim, happy birthday. I'll listen to you well. I love you."

NO YOU SO WON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE A DOMINATING LITTLE PEST WHO KEEPS HOVERING OVER DOOBONG'S LEADER POSITION. (says Idol Maid's fortune teller dude)
So stick with being your perfect little vice-leader (which is not really true but considered you're the one next to caring about the whole discipline thing).

Because Mister Yo Seob Yang is pure cuteness and havoc when he's high on sugar; Son NamShin Son Dong Woon is too bothered with his handsome looks, Pabo AJ Lee Gi Kwang is too busy with his other activities (and being adorably dumb), and Prince Jang Jang Liar Hyun Seung's too busy sleeping and not caring less.

And you're very busy rapping and writing lyrics and going out with GOO HARA.
But you're also such a nag.
(sometimes I think you're so much meaner to the members than Doo Bong is)

Yeah so... yeah.
Keep your word, my dear.
Listen to Doo Bong!

Don't try to go solo like Wu Zun. I will kill you. (though I'll still support you even if you are)
AND YES I FINALLY IS HAS MONEY TO BUY FICTION AND FACT.
zzz but I don't even know if the dude is still sellings or notz.

But oh wellllllll.

I swear I will go to "Welcome to Beast Airline" if these 6 kids come at the end of the year.
(which means I will have to letgo of United Cube)

What?! Anyhoo I'm attending United Cube for Beast only wad. (that's if I'm even going, which is likez not possiblez)
Okay maybe perhaps APINK 4MINUTE GNA AND I DON'T KNOW WHO.

Nah, really. Just BEAST.
Anyhoo omma says Korea trip is on the basis that BELLAPOONSSI does well for her 'O's.
(So I'm gonna rock the "O"s just for the sake of going to Korea and my uncle's 50bucks bonus for each A I get)

I HAVE SO MUCH MOTIVATION TO DO WELL BUT NO MOTIVATION TO DO ANY HOMEWORK.
(which is ironic considered I'll have to do ample homework to do well)
But yes I'm trying.

And there's Chem and Bio and Maths revision test on Wednesday IHAVEDONE NOTHING.
(except to finish ACSI Emaths papers and am doing 2009 paper too)

Self control self control.

ONCE MORE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DOOBONG! (awesome selca with mykwon though, why are you working on your birthday?)

MISTER JOKWON @2AMkwon, why are you not wishing him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON TWITTER?
(or smashing his face with a cake HAHA)

Love, bells.

Just take my hand and fly~

2011-07-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

After you left, even the clock stopped ticking.
HELLO~
Today I shall stay up till 12AM KST to wish @BeeeeestDJ a happy happy happy birthday because he is a wonderful little boy!

(still immensed in my glory of awesome korean standard)
Because I am able to fully decipher/understand @helloimys (Yo Seob Yang)'s tweet about

I'm on the aeroplane back, and my (somebodypart) is painful and I'm thinking about having Thai Massage. Ah... ah... ah... annyeong Korea, is everyone fine? *oooo tears* why am I crying?

zzzzz just tell your Junnie hyung to massage you la, why spend all that money on Thai Massage HAHAHA.

And no no no no no no, SG fans may be kiasu and exaggerating (whatnot with a whole group of B2UTIES waiting at Tuas at like 12 when BEAST arrives at only 5am or something), but we are nice fans.
That's why our Jun cries, because Msia and SG fans are so supportive and when his part came, the screams were deafening and nobody booed.
EVERYONE LOVES JUNHYUNG.
I can share~

HAHAHAHA like how some fans go like "Okay you can like him, but he's mine to keep."
No Junnie is not mine to keep.
He's mine. And many other Jesters'.

I AM SO NICE MUAHAHAHAHA.
Love Dinie that dork for spazzing about BEAST with me. He's an awesome dude, he.
(am going to start singing Beast like mad in class with him and perhaps get on Iylia's nerves too HAHA)
Why Why Why do SG fans even want to wait for BEAST at Tuas.
They're probably sleeping in the car, or at most wave, wait for the checkpoint dude to look at the passports and leave.

WAIT FOR 5 HOURS FOR THAT? It's okay if it's the airport, but at Tuas?
(=.= notcalledkiasusingaporeansfornothing)
But still...

According to @iyeij (Jie Yi), UNITEDCUBE is coming to SG in September.
nonononononononono.
Yes I might have the money for that by then, but but but.
OLEVELS!
does @hongcube want all B2UTIES to fail all their national exams?

HAVE A HEART!
(perhaps they should have it when I go to Korea at the end of the year)
winter winter winter winter~
CHANTCHANTCHANT~

Yes I is going to Korea if nothing crops up EOY. (crop up as in SUPEREX AIRTIX or SOME RANDOM RELATIVE MEETING THING)
Or maybe just no money.
HAHAH.
:D

I am going to blast my luggage bag with 2AMBEAST2AMBEAST2AMBEAST AND CNBLUE. (perhaps, but if Unnie is going, THEN DEFINITELY)
she doesn't fangirl CNBLUE much, but she thinks YongHwa is hot.
So do I.

nononononononono you just forgot you're a Jester and kkapliner.
Ehy but that doesn't mean I cannot recognise the hotness of other idols such as Yong Hwa (though my bias is Jung Shin) and... I don't know who's hot.
YEAH WOOYOUNG. ♥

Just a Youngie fan. Not a Hottest, sigh.
And Taec's awesome raps that drive me maddd~
(nonono whatiswrong Dragon-nim is the best)

HyunA ft. GNA and JunHyung's A Bitter Day is just.. fine.
I love Dragon-nim's rap. So heartfelt.
/AHH WHY ARE YOU SINGING A SAD SONG WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY EVER AFTER WITH GOOHARA/
You wrote the lyrics right? *twitches eyebrows*
hmm.
GNa's chorus is... fine too. (I dislike her screechy voice, it's so funnay)
AND YES MISS KIM HYUN A PLEASE STICK TO RAPPING.
I have nothing for your rapping; just something against your singing.

(Change is in my MP4 only cause it's feat. Yong Jun Hyung of BEAST)
AZAAAA HWAITING!~

Thai fans, wait for it wait for it. 9th July 2011 BEAST IS GOING THERE WHOOHOO~
/I'm not Thailand, wth./

I'm gonna ch-ch-ch-ch-change!

boohoo.

2011-07-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

Our dearest Jun, don't cry. Your tears mean the world to us, honey.

Go back to your yeobo, he loves you ♥

Continue being this charismatic, capturing all our hearts.

And being as dorky as Yoon leader HAHAHA.

-

Today's the day when BEAST comes to Singapore and I can't go. *sulks*
I had total knowledge about the event though, because I have awesome admins on Facebook BEAST fanpages.

And I'm so sad that our Jokernim cried. *weeps*
I know I said I would totally let Jun Hara off if our Jokernim cried and I laughed about it. But the impact this boy's tears give me...

I can't take it, man.

He's Joker. The chic one on screen, the naggy one before his members, and the ones with the awkward silence on variety shows.

But I love him, and that's it.
How could I say that I wanted to see Joker's tears?
How could I bring myself to look at this tear-streaken fellow and remain a calm expression.
I have to admit.
I'm emotional.

I cried.

Jokernim hardly cries, and perhaps we were all very hard on JunHara.
Many B2UTIES sold their fanmeet tickets off after they heard about JunHara.

These people do not deserve to call themselves B2UTIES or JESTERS.

Yes, I dislike JunHara, but not to the extent of hating Joker along with it.
I love him for who he is, not who he's with.
Dragon-nim, I have to promise you. I keep my word.

I will not dislike JunHara from today on. I cannot promise you I will start to support the relationship, but remaining neutral is already a HUGE step for me.
Joker, time heals all wounds.
Yours, mine, everyone's.

Time will wash some things off, and sooner or later, we're all going to give you the ample strength and wish you all the best.

Because I am a Jester too, there is nothing more important than seeing you happy, Yong ah.
Gain strength, Dragon-nim. We're here for you. There's nothing to be afraid about.

I don't want to see you cry again.
I want to see your smile.
Your charismatic dancing, lip-licking, cute laughter, chic expression.

Even if you are touched, promise me you'll hold yourself together.
Nothing beats a happy you.
Nothing beats you loving the stage, giving B2UTIES as much strength as we give you.

Will you promise me that?
That's how I will walk this long path with you, with BEAST, with Yoon Leader, Son Male God, Pabo Gi Kwang, Beauty Hyun Seung and Aegyo Pet Seob.

Love, bells.
Forever, your Jester.

like my ipod's stuck on replay~

2011-07-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

Too much homework to be done and I'm blogging here. -.-
Need to do loadpiles of Maths and SS and revise Chem Bio Maths Geog because there are 4 tests next week
i is want to diez
I should seriously go do my Maths cuzza there's tui-shen tomorrow.

Unnie is on her phone listening to Tonight why so loud.
BEAST's "Because of You" is awesome, including our Yangderalla Yang Yang Yang YoSeob's solo "I Cherish That Person".

Ya Immortal Song singer Yang Yo Seob, why you only got four songs there; you have the awesomest voice ever man (Second to 2AM AHAHAHA)
Ehy I'm just being fair, 2AM is a ballad group, vocal is their niche manz.

Jyeah and your duet with 4minute's Ga Yoon is also awesome (beats GNA and Rain's version cause I think their voices clashes or something)
And all your awesome songs.
(Special makes me high all the time. Naega neo eh special special special guy woahh~)
SO HIGH.

Which brings me to 2PM's Hands Up.
(godwhyyoulethwangchansungsingthechorusohmytian)
Let it go cause the second part they let JUNHO sing.

Which is just okay; but don't fight with my Woo Youngie who gets the whole bridge and uses his not-so-nice falsetto.
Whatever la, the best one is still Ok Taec Yeon do you know how cool his rap issssss.

YA OK TAECYEON YOUR RAPPING IS NOW SECOND BEST IN THE KOREAN INDUSTRY.
(though we stil have DJ Doc and many others. Like Supreme Team. SSAM D!)

jyea but in my heart, you're the second best rapper (Dream High's rap is coooool and I learnt it already whoohoo)
Don't try to guess who's the bestest *winks*

DRAGON JOKER NIM~ ♥
am back to spazzing about him even after Jun Hara because I am a magnanimous person. There's nothing I can do about it.
And and and I can't help but keep thinking it's a publicity stunt because it's quite fake and Mr Yong didn't mention it during Msia showcase or press conference.

Maybe it's not, but I'm sorry it looks like it is.
(yeah end up like JH AND SSK right~)
Heard they've broke up and the first thing that comes to my brain is.
What, they were even together for real?

And the whole Jokernim's hinting thing is to set this whole ploy into place so it looks logical.
*twitches eyebrow*
Maybe I'm thinking too much, but that's that.

(does it matter if I turn delusional)
And Jokernim, did you go to the gym lately?
Why are your muscles so toned?
Or are you too stressed so you keep exercising? (though you won't do that in 3 thousand million years cause you're the world acclaimed douchebag with muscles who does absolutely no exercise and HATES it and only uses energy and strength only if it's needed)

Whatever, but why did you have to influence your yeobo Yo Seob too, you're snatching Yoonleader's football friend hahah. ^^
IMIGHTNOTBEHEREONMONDAY, SO...

Yoon Leader, Saengilchukahae!!!
On Monday is the day when our responsible National Boyfriend Idol Yoon Leader, Yoon Doo Joon, was born like 23 years ago! (Korean age)
We thank Yoonleader's omma for giving birth to such a handsome little boy who brings us joy and his lovely impersonations. #sarcasm Doo Joon all your characters sound the same ==
Thank you for bringing Doo Joon to this world to take care of his fellow dongsaengs (aka BEAST) and planning everything for them.
Because they are a group of people who deserve this much love, and this hyung here will try his best to do everything for them.
Yoon Doo Joon, enjoy your special day, and bring BEAST to greater heights under your awesome leadership.
Yoon Doo Bong, saengilchukahaeyo~ ♥
"I pabo, you pabo, everybody pabo" Doo Joon's catchphrase.

AND YONG JUN HYUNG TOMORROW YOU BETTER ROCK THE SINGAPORE STAGE EVEN IF I'M NOT THERE.
I swear I'll come and look for you if you screw it up.
(notpossible, but I'm just looking for a reason to go look for you AHAHA.)
I love you, even if you love Goo Hara.
Well, your omma taught you to treat your fans as your girlfriends.

Well then, Hara unnie, step aside, cause you'll have to share that hottie with like another 3 thousand million fangirls.
You can't win it.

If you can't fight them, join them.
Yeah Hara, if I can't stop you, I'm just gonna make do with sharing with you.

♥, bells.
DEAR BEAST PLEASE TWEET MORE.
Now more Maths. *SIGH*
Today in Fiction~

EHY SAMM D WHY DO I LIKE YOU. (Simon D from Supreme Team)
You're the daebakest.

And I cry.

2011-06-29T06:50:00.000-07:00

And I cry for days and weeks and months and years.
Because for MOTHER FUCKING'S SAKE WHY IS YONG JUN HYUNG DATING GOO HARA?
I have to calm down, before I choke on my tears.

I am not upset. (lie)
I am happy for them. (larger lie)
I hope they get married and have babies and turn old together forever (largest lie I've ever said)

Tried to psycho some weird Jesters; perhaps psycho-ing myself in the process too.
It's too hard to accept.
Especially with those heart-breaking pictures. (heartbreaks again)
It's true that she's with him, and he's with her, and it's the ugliest truth that it can get.
But I cannot do anything about it.

I WILL NOT congratulate him or say that they look cute together (because they are not), but that will not stop me from loving Jun Hyung.
With Hara or not, he's still the chic, act-cool, ever so naggy, talented and hot little boy.
So fuck care what relationships.

I love him and that's that.
Though I'm still a little sour.

I swear I take really fast to get over stuff.
Maybe a week later and I come back here and see this post, I will start to scoff myself for writing such silly stuff.
I KNOW I will.

I'm psychic. (This psychic talk has been going on since forever)

Perhaps...

Perhaps 5 years later I might grow to ship JunHara (That's if they're still together)
Now I'm just going to concentrate on liking Jun Hyung (because it's so hard to, now)
and perhaps if I get the courage I'll go look through KARA's videos to see how a person Hara is.

(which reminds me that I've watched 2AM's HahaMong with KARA as well, and Hara seems like a nice person)

But I shall not be affected now.
I shall concentrate on still liking Yong Jun Hyung.
And then I will try to not hate Hara. (I STILL LOVE KARA THEY'RE THE BEST)
And then I will try to learn to understand Hara.
And perhaps I might open up my heart to them.

And if Yong Jun Hyung does enough fanservice to melt me, I will do this in a catalytic speed and the process will speed up.
Maybe, I'll just take 2 months to ship JunHara already.
(provided with a tear-streaken Yong Jun Hyung and enough apologies to go around, along with a great performance and awesome raps, and a solo song to top)

I am asking too much, but you brought it upon yourself, Jokernim.
I STILL LOVE BEAST AND YONG AH IS STILL MY BIAS.
But I'm still learning.
Forgive me, if I have not been tolerant enough to you, Jokernim.
It's hard for us Jesters to accept this fact.
But, as what they/I have said,

If you're happy, so are we.

If Jun Hyung's happy, I'm happy, but I'm even happier if they break up.
I said these words today, but I'm regretting it now.

Jokernim would probably cry (though I would love to see that), but he deserves the best.
Don't weep, Jokernim, you have an image to uphold.
*chuckles*
You're the cool one in Beast.
If you cry, Seobbie's gonna. Then everyone's gonna. Then you'll feel guilty and cry again.

Am wondering why the members are not tweeting.

A JunSeob Story.

2011-06-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

And finally. I was tempted. *biteslips* I'm sorry I couldn't help it! *wails*

THE WEAK VS THE STRONG

Prologue

Yes, he was called Yong Jun Hyung aka the Joker. He wasn't called that for nothing. That chic image he had on television, that cool look he had on album covers, couldn't much hide the fact that he was a great comedian.
Bad jokes and stupid actions that triggered stomachaches from his members.
He was downright a funny yet authorative badass.

Yes, he was called Yang Yo Seob aka the Nation's pet. He calls himself the cute pet in BEAST; thus earning BEAST the name of Nation Pet-dol.
His aegyo is the best, however disgusting his members most of the time with that aegyo of his.
Being a sensitive little kid, he always thought alot about people's feelings and so he always got the lowerhand whenever he fought with his members.

What happens when the weak meets the strong?
You get... JunSeob.

A/N I love JunSeob but this is the first time I'm writing a... love story between two dudes. It's funny, but it's so cool because JUNSEOB is the best in the world.
Note: this is a one-shot. Any comments will be left on my twitter @bellaatong or messaging me since all the people reading this are like people I know. ==

SHIJAK!

"Coke." Jun Hyung ordered no one in particular, because he knew somebody would get it for him anyway.
But there wasn't anyone there but YoSeob.
"Ya. Yang Yo Seob. Coke." he stretched out his hands, not even bothering to look at him.
Yoseob took a second look at him and plugged in his earpiece, his head bobbing along the music.
Jun Hyung got up, glaring at Yo Seob and trudging to the fridge.
He hit the back of YoSeob's head with the Coke can.
"YAAAAAAA~ I told you to get it for me what kind of attitude is this huh?" Jun Hyung asked.
Silence.
"YANG. YO. SEOB!!!!" Jun Hyung couldn't take it anymore, yelling right in his face.
"tsk." YoSeob apparently looked annoyed. "What." he rolled his eyes.

Jun Hyung caught him by his collar. "Ya, what is this huh, Yang Yo Seob?" he spat in his face. Jun Hyung was rarely this angry, and Yo Seob just ignited his fire.
"What this?" he pushed Jun Hyung's hand away gently, but to no avail. The grip was strong. He sighed.
"I'M TIRED OF BEING YOUR MAID! BECAUSE I'M A NICE PERSON DOESN'T MEAN YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND THINK I'M A PUSHOVER!" Yo Seob yelled in his face.
Jun Hyung let go of him in shock.
He nodded his head.
"You..." He didn't complete his sentence, and walked back to the room.

a long time ago...
Jun Hyung looked at YoSeob doing aegyo in front of the camera, and was he glad the camera's focus was on the other members' disgusted faces.
Because if the camera caught his goofy smile at how cute and charismatic YoSeob looked, he was so dead.
He had heard of the many accounts of fans pairing his up with the other members.
With Hyun Seung, with GiKwang, with... YoSeob.

JunSeob. he thinks. That's a nice name.
He smiled again.
"Junnie hyung~ Why are you laughing like a fool again?" YoSeob asked, looking up at him. Whatnot, with his height of <170cm.
"Nothing. Nothing." Jun Hyung shook his head repeatedly.
YoSeob linked arms with Jun Hyung and smiled.
"Hyung, you're warm~" he sighed, breathing out cold air.

Jun Hyung felt a sharp stab at the shivering YoSeob and put his arms around him.
"Glad to be of help." he smiled.
"Ya Ya Ya, you two. If people didn't know about your good relationship, they'll probably think you're gay. This two..." Doo Joon went back to his nagging prowess.
"Or maybe, this four..." he continued as he caught Gikwang and Hyun Seung linking arms too.
He sighed. His dong saeng nims didn't have a normal good relationship. He knew that.

Dong Woon inched closer to Doo Joon. "Hyung, I want a partner too~" he whined.
Doo Joon moved away. "I don't do stuff like that." he said, crossing his arms. (let's just imagine dooseob doesn't exist kays ^^)
Dong Woon walked over to Jun Hyung and Yo Seob, wanting to do a triple arm link with Jun Hyung.
Yo Seob slapped Dong Woon's hand away as soon as he touched Jun Hyung's arm.
"Don't you dare even touch my Junnie hyung. He's mine to keep." Yo Seob warned.

Dong Woon pouted and went back to persuading Doo Joon.
Jun Hyung's heart pounded and looked back at Yo Seob.
"Yo Seob ah..." He started, not sure if he could say what he wanted to.
"Hmm, hyung?" Yo Seob asked.
"Did you mean what you just said?" he asked carefully.
"Of course! I always mean what I say. Junnie hyung is always mine to keep." he smiled gleefully.

And so are you.

Yo Seob moved here and there on the living room floor.
He was worried if Jun Hyung was really upset about his yelling.

But why am I worried? Jun Hyung's a joker, he gets over all these arguments so quickly. Why...

He got up slowly and walked towards the door of the room.
Jun Hyung was sitting on the bed, scribbling things on his paper.
Another inspiration for his rap lyrics. Yoseob thought.
He decided not to bother him and went back to the living room.

The house was too quiet; Yo Seob got up after a while again, still unhappy that they weren't talking to each other.
It's such a childish thing to be upset about. He thought again.
He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a can of coke, walking towards the room.
"Junnie hyung, I'm sorry, here's a coke for..." he stopped short, as he found Jun Hyung lying on the bed sleeping, his pen still in his hand.
Yo Seob tiptoed over.

He looked at one of his compositions.
A few were quite good. Until he came to one.
"Do you know why I'm upset with you?
I'm not upset with you, I'm upset with myself.
I'm unable to protect you, instead I give you trouble and sadness.
You sit outside, and I keep thinking if you will be bothered about my emotions.
Yes, I just cried, I was unhappy.
I was unhappy you ignored me. The world can ignore me, but you cannot.
I was unhappy that I came into the room not finishing my sentence and you didn't come in to offer me a Coke.
And now, I will destroy this before you can see this and see my true feelings for you.
Because I don't want you to know.
That.
Yang Yo Seob. I like you."

Yo Seob tried his best to remember to breathe, looking at Jun Hyung's innocent look as he was deep in slumber.
"Junnie... hyung~" he whispered, pushing his fringe away.
Jun Hyung stirred, and he got up, startled at Yo Seob's presence.
"Yo Seob ah?..." he asked, and was shocked when Yo Seob suddenly hugged him tightly.
"Junnie hyung. I came in to give you Coke, and I saw something I shouldn't.
But I'm glad I did.
Because, I like you too."
Jun Hyung recovered from his shock, and was served with another wave of knowingness.
"You... like me?" he asked, not sure if whatever he wanted to hear was what he heard.
Yo Seob nodded in his arms.

"Then... that's enough." Jun Hyung replied, his voice full of happiness.

-

argh it's giving me goosebumps, but I still love Jun Seob.

♥ bells

gggggive you my sister

2011-06-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

I wonder why I'm even updating this thingie when I think the only people reading this are like @angelaong @joycekoh @teokaien (who reads because I think she finished all her homework and not going to do anything else anymore)

And @angelaong who reads hoping that I post another ff here or something. And @joycekoh who SHOULD be reading this but she's not cause she's obsessed with her... 7 groups of fanfics...
But she will, someday.
Because she wants to re read the one-shot of her and Kwon Ji Yong.
Awwww man I want to write one about JunSeob.
AHAHAHA. (: read quite a few at www.beastattack.livejournal.com
And they're not bad, the coke one was really niceeeee~ But it's not finished yet. And I hate livejournal cause I don't know how to use it.
usual noob mode on. ==

And yes yes yes tomorrow I am going out with Miss Lee Yun Ting! Finally. But to study.
pft. But that's what you get when you have a nerd friend. And a lot of stress.
WAHKAO but my bag is sho heavy.
Wanted wanted wanted to post lotsa JUNHYUNG on bloggggger, but, I have to settle downloading all of BEAST's songs into my player first.

(ohmytianwhyisjintiansohot)

And then and then.
Nothing much.
Just that the sister that I want to give is rotting at home cause somebody is at home for 2 weeks of nothingness.
Constantly reminding me that 2weeks have passed and BELLAPOONYOUHAVEDONENOTHINGAREYOUSERIOUS.
Hadz dayz and dayz of watching Hong Kong Dramaz atz homez.
And apparently not doing anythingg.

usualpigmode: sleeping till 11 everyday. BUTBUTBUT I sleep at 1 leh.
Sleep at one do what I don't know la. kkkkk.
Anywayss, Plants VS Zombies is funzz.
I'm not too much of a strategist, but this game is quite easy. *conceited look*
AZA.
I should do my work. And not sleep so much.
Ehy, but I'm just recovering my sleep from all the lack of it when I go back to school.
siaoeh, tomorrow still have to wake up effing early because @nerdzleeyunting wants to get to school library earlier to do work.
(and still have to complain that my bag is sho heavy)

Anyone want to come and sit and talk and do homework with us, please come.
Thank yous.
AAAAAAAAA! My Jun Seob.
And the Jap Vers. of Shock is nicer than the Korean one.
I mean only the MV.
Because my JUNHYUNGIE has better hair and he looks just a little more kinder.

No, he won't look as kind as Lee GiKwang, or as cute as Yang YoSeob, or as pretty as Jang Hyun Seung, or as "Arab" as Son Dong Woon, or as friendly as Nation wide boyfriend Yoon Doo Joon.
But I still love him; can I help it?

He doesn't look like he's going to eat up the camera anymorez.
And don't judge him because he raps in Korean because he has good Korean and you can't expect a Jap beginner to be able to spit all that shit in a rather foreign language at like a idontknowwhatspeed and his Jap sucks.
He doesn't even bother to care.
All he says is
"Konichiwa, watashi wa Yong Jun Hyung desu" fullstop.
And he blabbers shit in Korean; that talkative little boy.

-

EVERYDAY I SHOCK
SHOCK EVERYNIGHT I SHOCK
SHOCK.

shockshockshockshock.
nono the song is not retarded when JunHyungie says the song is not over at the back.
He says
This song is not over
Get shocked!

he means you to get shocked before the song ends, you pabo ya.

EHEHEHEHEHEHEH.

2011-06-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

Watched a lot of BEAST videos lately; Idol Maid till Episode 10, including episode 11's English lesson.
Hyun Seung: "Give me four stars. I give you my sister."
HHAHAHAAHAH. HyunSeung's so funnay.
And also ShinPD's Variety Show, but I only completed the first part.

Am so tempted to join B2STrising (Beast's International Forum) or some forum of some sort, but then I can't use the computer lately anyway, I don't really see the point.
And I love JunSeob and DuSeob why are these guys shoo kyuteee~
I'd love to write a JUNSEOB ff on livejournal, but I'll be tempted to read first.
AZAZAAAAAAA.

Shall I just post them here?
And Angela's fanfic that I haven't touched yet arghhh I'm going mad.
And a lot of homework that I should do ehehe.