Burning like the sun.

Don't Even Say A Word.

BELLA ♥

Born awesome.
sing, write, rap, read
"because the world doesn't only spin for you"

leave.

Friday, January 27, 2012, 4:10 AM

Just another day.

Today is my birthday but it somehow just feels like every other day. I ain't complaining; I guess when I get older and older my birthdays just seem more and more mundane.
#now playing: 이럴 줄 알았어 by Beast
OMG these boys why they so awesome this song is seriously the best did you hear the really different style Junnie's rapping?
Huh and Yoseob's scoff in the chorus I wanna die.
Have to conquer this before BS just so I don't seem like an idiot when everyone's singing along.
Zzzzzz
And sheesh you guys are not clingy guys alright.
I almost left out Kwangie's whole part when I heard it the first time mehehehehe.
My ears were soooo itchy these two days that I survived without this song and it kept getting itself stuck in my head.
I think maknae is about to replace Seungie in being second vocal but I don't blame him he's doing so well!
Goodness.

I really like maknae's singing lately he's so good!
♥
AND OHMYGOODNESS I need to watch MBLAQ's Hello Baby ep 2 ASAP it's so hilarious where the members were all being...
well, themselves.
All dorky.
And I was squealing when Seungho was getting all excited about the hints and stamping his foot on the ground.
LEE JOON AND MIR YOU TWO.
Goodness I can't even say anything about these two they are hopeless.

Birthday was fine; they made an impromptu celebration with leftover pastries.
Got a few wishes and no birthday presents.
(exception of Yong Gwang's angpau goodness have I told you how awesome and nice he is; he'll be a brilliant dad I know that. His kid is so lucky mehehe)
Ate cake in Ipoh already and it was enough to have at least made a wish for my own birthday.
AND I'M FINALLY 17!
How cool is that.
Hahah my favourite number.
Here's wishing 2012 will be an awesome 17th year for me.

And my fingers. want. to update I wanna die mehehehehehehehehhehehe please allow me to please.

Thursday, January 26, 2012, 4:42 AM

Too much.

Have I ever mentioned how annoying my parents are?!
Because I'm mentioning it now.
GAH SHALL NOT ELABORATE BECAUSE TYPING ON PHONE IS ANNOYING.
Galaxy s2 oh yeah <3

Tuesday, January 17, 2012, 4:45 AM

Melancholy.

I wanted to update today.
But it was a little too sad; this chapter.
Okay yes it was an excuse I was on youtube, mostly, watching MBLEAST videos. And shit I wanna watch Making the Artist all over again I don't think I even remember what happened in there ahahah ^^
And oh yeah SINAQ's subbing Hello Baby 5 so I get to watch it with subs and not have to replay parts over and over again just to listen to them speak and guess what they're saying.

I've been so overly-excited about MBLAQ lately.
(comeback/hello baby)
I kind of feel bad for my BEAST darlings even though they're always there and Yoseobbie was feeling emotional yesterday because of some motherfuckin' antis who can't get a life.
Okay yes there are plenty of groups that I do not appreciate and I doubt I'll ever appreciate in my life.
So what if you're of some other fandom?
What if you're not?
We don't really care if we have another B2UTY for not, really. But once you antis attack our own idols, we'll fight till the end.
If you don't support them, don't bash them.
You can tell everyone you hate them, whatever.
But can you please refrain from influencing the celebrity himself? This is really childish; Yoseobbie's just doing his job, alright?
He's an artiste, and if you don't like him, FUCK OFF.

Don't bother him with your lousy antics and making him all sad and tensy about it.
We worry too, even if you don't.
Even though my ultimate hate is for fandoms to start fighting with each other, I still dislike antis of no particular fandom to just bash for no particular reason.
Seriously, get a life.
Use your time to do something more productive.
B2UTIES are not Seobbie's shield, and he's not using us.
We want to protect him, because he's so precious to us; and we hold him to our hearts.
Bash us all, call us fools, tell us how much you dislike them.
But please, I beg you, don't tell the stars themselves to get lost.
To die.
To let them know that there are so many people hating them.

They don't deserve all that; not after they've been working so hard for all they've achieved.
And you don't deserve to give all these comments if you haven't worked half as much as they have to reach where they are now.
The B2UTIES can share you hatred; as much as many of us will oppose you and etc.
I believe everyone has their own preferences, their choices.
But no, I do not believe that people should rant out their hate for someone straight in their faces, because it hurts.
As much as telling about people behind their backs is ridiculous as well; please don't influence Seob. He just does whatever he needs too.
You're not even worthy to tweet all these hurtful things to him.
You are not.
You're nothing; as much as you would like to deny that.
Because someone who's useful enough, would understand that hurt like that is enough to kill, and not use their words to inflict pain like that.
GET A LIFE.
and SCREW OFF.

Saturday, January 14, 2012, 2:34 AM

Warning: Yaoi ahead.

So despite the fact that my otps are extremely random like Junseob, 2Jun, junhyungxseungho, Doowoon etc etc I realised I've only really written about Junseob in a spur of the moment.
And because there are seriously too few 2Jun fics to go around I shall type one here and if it's anywhere near satisfactory it's ending up on asianfanfics as well.
No smut, relax.
I'm too sleepy to write smut anyway.
And Mary's evidently influenced by me and likes 2Jun too, so now...
Hehehe. I haven't written anything past decent for Seungho too. in the sense that he's not the main character or something like that.
Here goes.

battlefield.
A 2Jun fanfiction as inspired from MBLAQ's title track from 100% Ver "It's War"

Doojoon gulped.
And again.
And again.
He hated his raging hormones everytime he looked at Junhyung.
Who was removing his shirt off, yelling something about the heat. Doojoon couldn't figure out those words at all, his eyes focused on the rapper's upper body and nothing else.
"Ya Doojoon-ah. Were you even listening to what I was saying?" the main vocal's adorable face hovered over the leader's eyes; his voice sounding ever so annoying to Doojoon today.
"Yeah I was" the leader replied apathetically, his eyes moving to the maknae as soon as he felt Junhyung's gaze boring into his face.

"So whaddya say to the BBQ? Huh?!" Yoseob asked enthusiastically again, his hands waving around hysterically as Doojoon went dizzy from his exaggerated movements.
"I'm cool, I guess. How 'bout Junhyung?" Doojoon asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, gesturing slightly to the rapper who was downing his third bottle of Coke for the day.
Junhyung shrugged.
"I have no idea. I was planning to meet Hara sometime lately. Don't know when she'll be free" Junhyung answered nonchalantly, his shoulders moving up and down.
Goo Hara again.
Doojoon bit his lower lip to swallow a snort he had meant for the young lady.
Sure, he liked her; she was pretty, kind, friendly and all.

But nobody gets into Doojoon's good shoes once they become too chummy with Junhyung.
Call it his overbearing dominance, or some sort of male chauvanist, whatever. He just didn't like it when Junhyung spoke too much with someone else.
Didn't like it when they would whisper secret things to each other.
Didn't like it when he would be texting her all the time.

And though he knew they didn't own a relationship like that, he didn't like it.
He couldn't be sure that Hara didn't have those feelings for Junhyung, could he?
Well, not like he was sure that Junhyung didn't like her too.
"Are you tagging along even if Junhyung's not going?" Yoseob asked, not relenting at all, his small hands tugging onto the leader's sleeve.
Doojoon sighed.
He didn't want to spend time mulling over Junhyung and Hara for a few hours if he went. More like, he didn't want to spend time not being able to ogle at Junhyung.
Looking at him laugh, those eyes turning into crescents, his hand moving to his mouth involuntarily.
Looking at him eat, stuffing food continuously into those already plump cheeks.
Having them breathing the same air together made Doojoon contented already.

Sure, Doojoon doubted himself at first; how could he fall for a man, moreover his group member.
It took long enough for Doojoon to finally sink into reality. To know that he was gay; and those weird fanfiction online, about him and Junhyung, sometimes spoke about his feelings so strongly, he wondered if the writers were psychic.
Taking another sip from his Pepsi, he smiled weakly at Yoseob.
"Sure, I'll say yes for now, but I can't be sure later. I won't go if I have a sudden schedule or something" he replied.
Or if Junhyung's not coming as well.
He looked at the rapper with the corner of his eye, a habit that he had grown so accustomed to for the past one year he had been infatuated with the man.
Texting. Again.

He knew how much the rapper enjoyed using his phone, to go on twitter, to play games and all.
But that smile on his face meant something more.
It was like an expression especially reserved for Goo Hara; and that angered Doojoon. He didn't know if Junhyung had that expression when he received a text from himself.
But he hated the fact that Goo Hara owned a special part of him, a slight portion of that irresistable smile the rapper had.
The ends of his lips would curl up to the tiniest degree, his eyes would sparkle with slight joy and amusement, and Doojoon would see him trying to muffle a small little chuckle; that would no doubt erupt from his chest, as it always did.
Then his breathing would hasten a little as he typed in a reply, and punching in the victorious 'send' button, before sitting leisurely like nothing happened.

But Doojoon knew. He wasn't blind, he could see, dammit.
Even if the other members didn't seem to take note of these details, Doojoon knew.
Before he could even muster up his courage to walk over and smash that goddamned phone on the floor, Junhyung got up and stretched himself before going back to the bedroom.
"Jun... Are you alright?" Doojoon asked, poking his head into the small gap of the ajar door, cringing a little as he found Junhyung half-naked, lying on the bed.
He gulped and mumbled something incoherent before Junhyung groaned and turned, patting the space beside him.
"What?" Doojoon asked, sincerely hoping he wasn't inviting him to join him; he probably couldn't resist temptation anymore.
"Come here and take a nap with me" the rapper murmured, and Doojoon cursed himself inwardly before giving in.

His body stiffened as he felt Junhyung's warmth radiating from his skin, the rapper's eyes closed calmly, his long lashes lying peacefully on his serious eyebags.
"Why're you so far away" Junhyung growled, pulling the leader's arm and making him come closer to himself.
Doojoon's skin tingled crazily as he now felt the hairs on his arm standing up, his bare skin touching the rapper's.
He always tried to avoid skinship ever since he realised he had fallen hopelessly for Junhyung; and now the rapper was out to wreak his world upside down.
Doojoon watched.
Looked at how peaceful and innocent his sleeping face was, how his lips were so perfectly thick, stray strands of brown hair over his forehead, slightly sunken cheeks as he was getting skinnier, bony hands, slightly muscular arms, hints of six-pec abs, smooth and fair skin.
He had the urge to kiss him, and this urge was making him all frenzied.

His hands went up first, to stroke the rapper's cheeks gently, his fingers tracing loving patterns on his arms; while making sure that the rapper wasn't aware of this whole thing at all.
Everything about Junhyung made him so mad, he didn't want to err. He didn't want this to turn into a mistake.
His own lips hovering over the rapper's luscious lips reluctantly, Doojoon turned the other side and sat up straight.
A sudden push on his chest laid him back on the bed, and his eyes widened at the sight of a smirking Junhyung straddling him.
"Where do you think you're going?" the rapper asked in his husky voice, before lavishing the leader's lips fully, his impatient lips on his; a soft moan vibrating from the bottom of his throat.

A sudden intrusion of tongue into cavity, a clashing of two sets of teeth, a sloppy sound erupting from their saliva mixing together, some heated cursing of passion, a deep moan from Doojoon, a smirk on Junhyung's face.
And some decent panting that made them grow more and more restless.
Doojoon grew braver as his hands swam across Junhyung, getting himself to recognise every muscle, every line, every bit and piece of Junhyung; the man he loved so much.
Junhyung just groaned with every touch Doojoon brought him, and though they didn't bring it too far, it was enough to drive Junhyung mad crazy with heat.
The two finally tore apart, their gazes burning each other's eyes, as Junhyung lied obediently in Doojoon's arms, his lips tracing kisses on the leader's neck.
"I know you like me; but you've been so scarily suppressive I wasn't sure if what I did was right.
Looks like..."
A small kiss on his lips.
"I was" a wide grin plastered on Junhyung's face as the younger snuggled back into Doojoon's warm embrace, closing his eyes with contentment.

Doojoon didn't want to think about the future, if their love would last; if they would receive any criticisms.
All he wanted to do was to hold this man in his arms, and never let go, for as long as he could.
"Go to sleep, Jun" he spoke quietly, as the younger nodded his head and fell into a slumber in mere seconds, the soft snoring lulling Doojoon into a semi-conscious state.
A phone vibration - Junhyung's phone.
From: Haraaa
Junhyung, I'm not sure if I should tell you this, but...
I like you ><
Please don't ignore me because of that; I'll understand if you don't like me back, but...
Just don't ignore me.

Doojoon looked down at the silent rapper, who seemed so meek and quiet in his arms, and allowed a small grin to form on his lips.
With more determination than he had ever had, Doojoon licked his lips and pressed the 'delete message' button.
With his eyes closed, Doojoon mouthed.
"Goo Hara, it's war"

~

Okay haha I have nothing against Junhara really
(though my sourness is still there and I doubt it'll ever fade)
But it's funny to be writing about it like that. Hehe was it decent? I'm falling asleep.

Thursday, January 12, 2012, 5:05 AM

Fickle-minded bitch.

Yes I am talking about myself.
After being extremely keen about going to Anglo-Chinese and went all the way to Buona Vista to check it out; I ended up doing JAE just a while ago and...
Chose National Junior College as my first choice.
I am wonderfully worried about getting in because it's full of super achievers and I doubt I'll squeeze my butt in there if every single 2 digited asshole decides to go in to NJC.
I will die.

Because ACJC is my second choice and I'll have to end up going to whole freaking way OMG I should've just put Anderson as my second choice right.
Not the time to feel frustrated now.
But OMGGGG SPAZZING TIME the comeback stage for MBLAQ was the awesomest today Mir was sooooo hot it was almost hard to believe he's our adorable maknae hehehe.
(I want to watch Sesame Player/update so I seriously shouldn't be here blogging but here I am trying to vent out my feelings and spazzing and feeling less of a loser for putting ACJC second and killing myself if NJC doesn't want me)

But hey, Ms Lim's there at NJC though it will probably just kill me all over again (all that scolding blah blah etc etc) but I love that woman can I help it mehehehe.
Okay I have to admit I'm choosing NJC partially because of Ms Lim hahah I miss her la what.
And her scolding; which seems rather sadistic when I'm talking about it

I need to feel less of a loser so shall I go and watch MBLAQ's Sesame Player again.
I should watch the one where they were playing in the playground right that was so freaking entertaining hahahah I laughed so hard at G.O. going the other direction Oh my goodness my stomach's hurting even at the thought of it.

AND MEHEHEHE MBLAQ's Hello Baby!
(Although BEAST is still my bias, but...
I would prefer if they didn't do Hello Baby.
I mean, hello, Junhyung would be the third Onew/Tiffany or something. He's just not chummy with kids I don't think they share a particular affinity. Like myself and kids.
Which means I'm not going to be anticipating Junhyung/Hara children anytime soon.
Though I think he'll be a fabulous dad.
Just stop being awkward with kids)

Seungho seungho seungho the appa with military hair don't you think you'll scare the baby girl away?
Gosh.
And Cheondung will just stand there and smile like some kind father. No really I think he'll be the second Minho.
And wehhehehehe who shall be the second Key I have faith in G.O. he looks like a great dad. And I figured Joon will probably distract himself with the kid's toys himself and not give half a crap about it.
But Seungho's good with kids!
He was having fun with one of the children in some event I saw that day mehehehehe. WHAT AN AWESOME FATHER HE COULD BE.
(shall not sound creepy and say that let me bear your children I mean yuck I see youtube comments like that and I just. gross. out OMG)

But anyhoos, MBLAQ BEAST I LOVE YOU.
2AM can you just comeback already.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012, 5:10 AM

Cloud 0125

And soo...
Got the O Level results back and I haveta say I did pretty well. Okay no I did really well.
I was like half-expecting to get 12 or something; and then I ended up getting a single digit.
An awesome single digit actually.
I mean come on la I got a fucking seven whoohoo.

I'm not being proud and all but I'm just so glad that my hard work paid off (if any of it even existed in the first place considered I'm extremely lazy)
Have been hearing things about stressful junior college and still wanting to go there it's crazy. I like studying. Yes I'm mad.

Because that's probably like the only thing other than singing and rapping and writing that I'm good at.
(shall I tell you that I got an A1 for English even with that ridiculously terrible composition I came up with? I think the British are really cool; and generally amazed at our mundane life here and it seems so interesting to them)
But anyhoo I'm glad. Means my English is seriously decent and that I can go to the English Language Elective Programme at Anglo-Chinese JC.
Yes there is where I am heading despite having the ability to go to any freaking junior college I want.
And though Raffles is nearer it's a private school and the school fees are exorbitant it's freaky.
My parents aren't exactly King/Queen Midas.

And therefore I'm going to Anglo-Chinese JC's open house with grace/kai en/chloe/salvia perhaps to look around and find out about the place.
But seriously, Buona Vista. I have to wake up at what freaking time again huh.
But whoa I'm so proud of my friends who have gotten 6 pointers like Jaymond and Jieyi etc etc. They're such freaks I swear.
Says me who has only one more point than them. Yes my competitiveness is working it's way through everything again it doesn't make sense.
MBLAQ's It's War is seriously awesome; I mean apart from the fact that Lee Joon looks smokin' in the music video and ruining my bias list when Seungho's supposed to be (and is technically still) at the top.

I mean I can't stop loving this man just because he looks like some weird NSman; not especially after I went back to watch this man on Mnet's Must again for the nth time and videos with his beautiful fringe and spazzed my day off.
But gahhh seungho you...
I totally love junhyungxseungho and 2Jun and Junseob and Dooseung and Doowoon.
I shall not add anymore but these pairings are the best.
(what did I say about not letting yaoi dominate my blog again?! sigh)

Life is a beautiful thing.
I totally wasn't expecting to get an A1 for Combined Humans or an A2 for Higher Chinese. Okay, fine so the most unexpected one was English.
But A1 for Com Hum?
Seriously?
You mean at the rate I fail my SS I still can get an A1?
So my SS is better than I thought. Huh or maybe I got full marks for my Lit that I wasn't even half sure what I was writing?
Interesting.

And dammit, B3 for Chemistry.
I can't laugh in Mok's face anymore. And Amaths. GAH THIS TWO ARE MY ACHILLES HEEL.
Okay no my Chemistry was supposed to be fabulous man.
I always ace it and then now...
argh.
Okay then for Amaths I was half thinking I would get a 5 or something so three is absolutely decent alright.
And A2 for Biology my life is wonderful.
Let me go and watch Infinite's Sesame Player first. I haven't finished it yet zzz.
And OH YES I AM GOING TO CHANGE MY PHONE MY LIFE MY LIFE IS BLISSFUL.

Sunday, January 8, 2012, 8:30 AM

Everyday's an adventure.

So, chalet was da bombz with the cuzzies I haven't met since forever and I so look forward to seeing them again meheheh
Pictures are aaaaaall on facebook and I could probably put them here to make this look more interesting but it's 12.32 in the morning and I have to get my results tomorrow and watch Infinite's Sesame Player, so I guess some other time?

I keep saying that I'm not really stressed, but I figured that stress ain't gonna aid me in any way. I'm just trying to tire myself so I can sleep without thinking of anything else and just go straight to get results tomorrow in my ridiculous-as-usual school uniform that I can't really stand.
But then, it's the last time I'm wearing it so might just as well cherish the last moment eh.
Pulau Ubin was pretty boring but cycling wasn't! (even though my legs and butt are still sore from cycling like mad for like maybe three hours)
But it was awesome with the cousins!
well everything was awesome with the cousins that is before someone came in and stole one of my cousins away
But let's not mention that considered it's over and it was a lot more fun after that.
Building the impregnable fortress at the beach was pretty cool too.
(I'm using 'pretty' pretty frequently lately)

But still, I'm still rather freaked out at how close the results are coming and I guess I might cry. Whether the results are good or not; I mean, I worked my ass off alright?
okay maybe not really, considered I really worked my butt off for prelims only.
I'm extremely worried about Amaths and Bio I think I'm going to die.
No, actually, it's just Amaths.
And to a certain extent, my Geography.
And my Chinese.
Okay so what if I'm freaking out about everything all together.

Wish me all the best.
Fingers crossed.

♥ jeon